Page 39 of Rough Stock
“Okay. Go ahead.”
“I want to apologize to you for the things I said about Shyanna. I still don’t really think she’s right for you, but I’ve noticed how happy you seem to be with her. Like her or not, that’s important to me, that you’re happy. So I’m happy for you.”
Thank god, he wanted to sing. “I appreciate you saying that. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Dinner will be ready in about an hour. Why don’t you go upstairs and take a nap? She’ll probably need to when she gets out of the shower.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” Jensen headed for the stairs but as soon as he stepped onto the first riser, he turned. “Mama, I love you.”
In a small, quiet voice, Dora answered, “I love you too, son.”
After dinner,Jensen insisted on walking Shyanna down to the creek he’d played in as a child. It was spring fed, and being in the foothills of the mountains north of Greenville kept it full year-round. He was quiet as they walked, and Shyanna reallydidn’t know what to say. Sharing childhood memories with him seemed strange, since she didn’t have any to share back, at least not good ones.
They arrived at the little waterway and Shyanna was struck by how quiet it was and how clear the water was. The only sounds were the birds in the trees, the crickets and cicadas, the leaves rustling in the wind, and the burbling and swishing of the water. “And that’s where our rope was,” Jensen said, pointing up at a limb as he gave her a detailed explanation of how it looked when he was a child.
“Must’ve been fun,” she said, looking around. It was so pretty there. Florida had been pretty too, at least the part she’d lived in near LakeWales, but their houses had always been crappy and the place was overrun with tourists. She wasn’t sure why?it was nice, but it wasn’tthatnice.
“It was. Leo and I played out here all the time. There were some kids who lived right down the road in an old sharecropper’s house and they’d come down here and play with us. Lionel and Hezekiah.”
“Weird, old-fashioned names,” Shyanna said.
“They were the only African-American kids we knew. We didn’t know we were supposed to be prejudiced. Our parents had never told us that.”
“And yet they don’t like me,” she blurted it out, instantly sorry.
“They’ll come around. I don’t think it’s that they don’t like you. I think they’re still feeling very protective of me after what happened.”
Searching for somewhere to sit, she found a large, smooth rock and plopped down. “So exactly whatdidhappen? You’ve never told me.”
“Long, sad story. Short version: She left me at the altar, changed the departure time on our plane tickets for ourhoneymoon, and went with a doctor from the hospital where she worked. It was a total shock to everybody, even her very best friends and coworkers. Nobody knew they were seeing each other. So I just packed up my shit, resigned at the college, and hit the circuit. Nothing to keep me here,” he said, picking up a stone and throwing it into the swiftly moving water.
“I see.”Broken heart, she told herself. She wanted desperately to say those three little words to him, the ones he’d bravely said to her, but she’d never said them to anyone. It was too scary. As soon as they came out, he’d turn on her. That’s how it always worked for her. Say I love you and get hit. Or abandoned. Or ignored. No. She wasn’t ready to take that chance just yet. And she wasn’t sure what it would take to get there.
He stopped tossing rocks and turned to her. “I thought you’d have more to say about that, or at least some questions.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno.” Jensen sat down on another rock close by and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning toward her as he spoke. “Like have I heard from her, or where is she, or if I’m still in love with her. I thought you’d want to know things like that.”
Shyanna was confused. “Why would I care about that stuff?”
“Because. I mean, I told you I… I know you haven’t told me back, but I thought you’d want to know if I still had feelings for her.” Jensen seemed embarrassed, and Shyanna wasn’t sure why.
“No. I’m not concerned with that stuff. I think if you’d heard from her, you’d tell me. If she was here, I think you would’ve told me. And if you still loved her, I don’t think you would’ve said that to me.”
Jensen’s eyes went wide. “Still, you don’t want to…”
“Look,” Shyanna said, mimicking his stance with her elbows on her thighs. “I just take people at face value, Jensen. I don’t have a choice. I’ve heard people tell me all kinds of things, andabout eighty percent of them were lying to me. But I don’t have any way of knowing that, and I can’t sit around analyzing their words or wondering if they’re going to hurt me. I’ve got a better than eighty percent chance that they’re going to. I know that going in. You told me you love me. I believe you think you do. Time will tell.” She was obviously getting through to him?as she was speaking, his mouth was slowly falling open.
“Shyanna, that’s not something I just walk around telling women,” he said, his voice barely audible.
“I get that. I’m just saying I have no expectations, so I don’t get disappointed that often.” Shyanna stared down at her boots. There was no way she could make him understand, but he would when he tired of her. He’d be off and gone, but she knew the very last thing he’d remember as he drove away was that particular conversation. And maybe, just maybe, he’d be more careful before he said those three little words to another woman.
But for that moment, she’d take what she could get and enjoy it while she could. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Jensen say, “Shy? You’re not just some passing fancy for me. I think the only thing holding this relationship back is you.”
“Then it’ll have to sit there for a while. I’ve got a lot of ground to cover in my career. I think a lot of this will depend on whether or not you’re willing to hang in there with me,” she announced. Having the burden of the relationship placed on her wasn’t anything she could handle at that moment.
“Then you’ll see. I’ll be right there. I have no plan to walk away. I told you that you were it for me, and I wasn’t kidding.” Jensen sat up straight, then rose from the rock and brushed off the seat of his pants. “Ready to go back to the house?” He reached out a hand toward Shyanna and waited.
