Page 90 of Bad Boy for Hire
Risking her heart crumbling alongside her resolve, she placed a hand on top of his. She had to touch him. To comfort both of them. “I want to co-parent with you. I’m going to give you every opportunity to be part of our child’s life. I won’t stand in the way of that, no matter what.”
He blinked fast, his long lashes shadowing those amber eyes. If he cried, she swore she was going to lose it, but she wouldn’t change her mind. She was crystal clear on what she wanted. She didn’t regret their baby and knew in her heart that he didn’t regret their baby either. The two of them as a couple was another matter altogether.
She would learn how to love him from afar. Hell, she was already taking a crash course.
His throat moved as he swallowed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know that about you.” She pulled her hand from his. “So, the only thing left to do is decide how to move forward. If we can be friends like we were before?—”
“Is that what you want?”
“Sometimes,” she whispered.
“And what do you want at other times?”
A tear streaked down her cheek. She swiped it away, almost angry that she hadn’t been able to hold it in. She didn’t want to appear weak, or like she would fold like a wet paper bag at the first hint of his vulnerability.
“I don’t know,” she lied.
“Well, I know what I want.” His voice was firm, his expression determined. He offered an outstretched palm. “Want me to tell you what that is?”
She studied his open hand for a beat before sliding her fingers into his. “No?”
She surprised a laugh out of him, and then she laughed. They were on the same page today, it seemed. The tension around them lightened. With her hand resting in his, it was hard to feel anything other than stable. Solid. He was both of those things, through and through.
But she didn’t only want stability and foundation. She didn’t want to be managed either. She wanted to be loved. Included. Part of something bigger than herself.
Inevitable, she supposed, now that she was going to be a mother.
“Ask me what I want, May.”
She felt her head shake. She was scared to ask. What if his answer was the exact opposite of what she wanted? What if he dug in, refusing to budge from his point of view? Then what would they do about their baby, or being friends, or?—
“Ask. I’ll tell you the truth.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she admitted.
He dropped his head before meeting her eyes again. “I’m a hell of a lot smarter than I was the last time we talked. And if you think I can’t change in a blink, you’re wrong. Take away the one thing that means most to me in this world, and I learn real fast.”
Her shoulders sagged. Her heart softened. She meant more to him than anything in the world?
Hearing that felt so, so good. But it didn’t erase the past.
“You’re used to handling everything in your own life, but so am I,” she told him. “I believe you meant well, but…you cut me out, Xavier. I want to be in this with you. I don’t want you to take over my life out of some misguided sense of duty.”
“I don’t want to take over.” He leaned forward. “This isn’t about control or fixing things or preventing problems. Not anymore. Life is unpredictable.” He stroked her hand with his fingers. “Look at us. We’re going to have misunderstandings. But the best thing about us is that we can work it out. Together. Always together.”
“But—”
“Yes. But.” He licked his lips. “Look, I was selfish. Making decisions without you had nothing to do with you being incapable of making them, and everything to do with me trying to keep my life from spiraling out of control. And yes, some of that was because of the shit that went down when I was with Tracie, but most of that is because I didn’t realize until very recently that I’m different with you. Better than I’ve ever been. You matter to me, May. More than anyone.”
“You’re important to me too.”
“For years, though, I wasn’t.”
She opened her mouth and shut it again, unsure of how to respond. She hadn’t expected him to say that.
She hadn’t looked at the last three years from his point of view, had she? She hadn’t considered how much he’d flirted. How many times she’d thwarted his advances. She hadn’t considered how many dates she’d brought into Salty Dog—only because she felt safe there. She’d never intended to hurt him.
