Page 83 of Bad Boy for Hire
His mom let out a small “ha” followed by, “Maybe.” Then she took a deep breath and said, “I would like May to join us for Thanksgiving dinner.” She folded her hands in her lap. “I intend to be a big part of my grandbaby’s life. I want May to like me and trust me.”
“Mom, name one person who doesn’t like and trust you.”
That made her smile.
“May’s a good person. She wouldn’t keep our child from me, or you, for that matter. Lynx, on the other hand…”
“Dodgy,” she said, which made him laugh. “You don’t have to put on a brave face. I can feel how heartbroken you are. It’s like this room is filled with maple syrup. I waded in here.”
He didn’t want to talk about that.
“Is it fixable between you two?” his mother asked.
“Trying to fix things is what got me into this mess. I made a lot of plans without asking her about them. I made a lot of assumptions.”
“Like?”
“I asked Ant to build a crib. I also told him that May was moving in with me, but I hadn’t talked to her about it.” He took a deep breath and shared the most incriminating part. “And I might have mentioned to her boss that she’d be working from home after she had the baby. Which I also hadn’t talked to May about.”
His mother raised her eyebrows and blinked. She had always worked, retiring from her corporate finance position a few years ago. He could only imagine what an asshole he must sound like to her.
“I didn’t want her to worry about anything. But in the process, I shut her out. She told me she doesn’t want to be managed.” He studied his folded hands. “Who does, right?”
“Oh, Xavier. Sometimes you’re just like your father. That’s not always a bad thing. Over the years, I have learned that he’s trying to help when he’s manhandling everything. Ever notice that they call it that? Manhandling? You want to piss off an independent woman, offer her control dressed up as help.”
“Where have you been for the last month or so?”
“Right here. Not knowing what was going on.” She elbowed him playfully. “Trust is built over lots of small gestures, Xavier. May trusted you with her body, but it sounds like you haven’t earned her heart yet.”
That felt really fucking true.
“Have you given her a reason to trust you?”
He frowned.
“All is not lost, sweet boy.” She rubbed her palm in circles on his back like she had when he was a kid and he’d been sulking about missing a fly ball or botching a school science experiment. And now, like then, it soothed his ragged nerves.
But he wasn’t sure all was not lost. May and Xavier had shared an amazing sexual relationship built on a foundation of friendship. But they had failed to build the kind of trust that bound two people together for life.
They’d truly put the cart before the horse. Leaped without looking. Attempted to run before they walked…
He was out of idioms. And possibly out of time.
May had been left behind by one side of her family and abandoned by the other. Xavier had offered some of the components of a relationship: a house. Stability. Friendship. Everything except what mattered most to her.
He hadn’t offered himself. Not really.
He’d been too busy planning not to fail, and in the end had failed her completely. He’d shared his feelings, his fears, and his plans with everyone but her. Ant, Brady, Griffin. Even Jewell.
He hadn’t been honest with her about how he was feeling. To be fair, he’d only recently figured it out himself.
Maybe that was why he admitted it now, to the Robin’s Egg walls in his childhood bedroom and to his mother, who sat by his side.
“I love her. I never told her.”
“Of course you do,” his mom said. “So, tell her. It’s not too late.”
He turned his head. His mother’s amber-colored eyes were an exact match for his own. “You don’t think?”
