Page 79 of Bad Boy for Hire
Before she talked herself out of leaving, she backed out, turned onto the street, and left Xavier and his beautiful lake house behind.
Chapter Twenty-Three
May drove straight home from Xavier’s, unlocked her front door, and stood in her living room for a long while. Her keys were still in her hand as she scanned her tidy house and envisioned what her life would look like in the future.
Without Xavier.
With a child.
When she’d gone home with him after the wedding, raising a baby by herself had been the last thing on her mind. Then again, there were lots of things in her life that hadn’t gone according to plan, weren’t there?
Her mom dying.
Her dad leaving.
Breaking up with Prescott—and the Stantons.
She replayed the conversation tonight, shaking off any doubts that she should have stuck around to talk things out. She wasn’t sure they knew how to talk things out. They sexed things out, which hadn’t happened because Lynx was there. Plus, giving in to Xavier’s charms now would only wind up confusing her later.
Lost in the murky depths of grief, she’d accepted half-measures with Prescott. Only when she’d come to the surface of healing did she begin to notice that the relationship was more one-sided than she’d imagined.
She hadn’t been blind so much as hopeful, and she wouldn’t blame herself for that. But hope was a double-edged sword. Hoping that Xavier’s task-oriented focus would turn into him falling in love with her was just plain sad.
She wouldn’t hang her hopes on him falling in love with her. Her parents had been in love to the end. And even though her father only saw what he’d lost, May knew the truth. They’d been blessed that it had existed at all. Because love wasn’t automatically included with marriage. Their bundle of joy might be on the way, but love hadn’t been bundled with it.
In short, love wasn’t guaranteed.
She took solace in the hollowness in her chest. It meant that she cared deeply for Xavier. He would be involved in their baby’s life, without a doubt. She would never deny him that, and more importantly, he would never accept anything less.
Women raised babies alone all the time. Working women, single women, women who were far younger than her. They raised them with fathers, without, alone or with co-parenting agreements in place. She could stand on the shoulders of the women who had gone ahead of her and had navigated far more difficult scenarios than the one she faced now.
She had a great job that she loved. Incredible friends. Her finances were in decent enough shape, and Xavier’s were outstanding. Their child wouldn’t lack a single thing, even if Xavier and May weren’t married or living together.
She’d chosen this baby, this life, this new normal. She was in control. Powerful, even. She wasn’t trapped. Her back wasn’t against the wall. Her eyes were open, and she’d lived enough life to know where she and Xavier would have ended up if they’d stayed the path.
If he’d been committed to being a father and nurturing a relationship with her, he would’ve shown up a hell of a lot differently. He would have admitted his fears and realized that his planning and strategizing were his ways of dealing with those fears.
Instead, he’d cited a personal failure at his past relationship. As if she were the ultimate mulligan—a chance for a do-over. Regardless of how she felt about him, she couldn’t hang around so that he could heal his past. She wasn’t here to soothe his ego or lick his wounds. She was here for their child.
She didn’t have the luxury of thinking only of herself. Not anymore.
She was chopping cucumbers for a dinner salad when her phone buzzed. She paused, her heart hammering in her chest. She didn’t want to talk to Xavier right now, but neither would she avoid him. Not now, not ever.
But when she crossed the room to grab her cell phone, she saw that it wasn’t Xavier texting her but Lou.
I’m being totally nosy, but I have to know what’s going on! A second later, another text appeared: Disregard this if you’re having sex.
If she only knew.
Before May could reply, the phone rang in her hand.
“Sorry, sorry!” came Lou’s greeting. “I’m obnoxious. You’re not having sex, are you?”
“No.” That one word came out sounding as heavy as her heart.
“Are you okay?” Lou asked softly. “Tell me everything.”
May summarized what had gone down at Xavier’s. And to her horror, in the middle of that explanation, she started to cry.
