Page 7 of Love and Defects 1
Sterling
“Are we watching a movie tonight?” Graham asked as he maneuvered his car into a parking spot in front of our dorm building. He’d apparently worked the entire summer before freshman year of college to save up enough money to buy a cheap car outright. And when my parents found out around Christmas of our freshman year that his insurance was about to lapse because he couldn’t afford to pay it for another six months, they took over, adding him as a driver to their insurance policy, as well as his car.
Graham was still extremely grateful for their help to this day. He just asked that word never got to his parents because he didn’t want them to feel bad about not being able to provide something for him. My parents and I readily agreed.
I wanted to do anything I could to help make Graham’s life a little easier. He was working so hard to achieve his dreams. He’d already had a couple of offers from some NHL teams. His parents wanted him to take one of the offers, but my parents urged him to finish his college degree first, warning him an injury could take him out and that he needed something to fall back on. They’d assured him that if he kept at it, kept getting better, and kept improving, he would get offers from better teams with a higher dollar amount on his contract.
“A movie sounds good, but we both need showers first. Especially you.”
He rolled his eyes at me as he shifted his car into park. “Someone needed to eat,” he said, giving me a pointed look.
I shrugged. “We could’ve ordered in.”
He snorted. “You needed a wider range of options,” he reminded me. “We both know you struggle to eat for a couple of days after you go through something like this.”
How did he know me so well? Sometimes, I thought he knew me better than I knew myself, and that was saying something. Every once in a while, he could even tell I was triggered before I was, and he worked fast to get me out of the situation without freaking me out.
I really did feel the safest with him out of everyone, even my parents, who had done everything they could to give me the safety net I needed. Who put me through therapy and gave me a comfortable life where I could work on healing and growing without being afraid every time I turned around.
“Yeah,” I muttered, pushing open the car door. Graham met me at the front of his car once I got out, and when he held his hand out to me, somehow still knowing I needed to initiate touch first, I placed my hand in his, linking our fingers together before giving his hand a squeeze. It was a silent thank you. A silent appreciation for his understanding and constant patience.
“Come on. Let’s go get showers so we can cuddle and watch movies.”
“Cuddles,” I mused, a smile tilting my lips before I could stop it. “I think I like the sound of that.” Graham chuckled. I raised our hands a little as we walked inside the lobby of our dorm building, heading to the elevators. “So, what does this make us, Graham? I don’t think I ever even held hands with Darren.”
Graham’s face screwed up in distaste. “Please keep that dick’s name out of your mouth around me,” he begged. “I still want to break his fucking nose.” I snickered. Graham was so overprotective. I should’ve known he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands to himself at practice today, especially since I knew Darren was such a shit-talker. His mouth got him in a lot of trouble during games. But Graham could be just as hot-headed, especially when it came to me.
“Fine,” I agreed. “Now answer my question.”
“Boyfriends?” he asked, glancing over at me as we stepped into the elevator. I pressed the button for our floor and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes and drawing in a deep breath. I hated elevators. I hated being in areas with no escape. My skin always crawled, and without a doubt, I knew I was breaking out in hives. “I’d like to be your boyfriend, Sterling. If that’s what you want, that is.”
I cracked open one eye, and nausea swirled in my gut. Quickly, I shut it again, drawing in a deep, shaky breath. “Yeah,” I rasped. “I’d like that, too.”
Graham pulled me into his arms, his hand cradling the back of my head. “Breathe, Sterling. We’re almost there,” he assured me. “Probably shouldn’t have taken the elevator.”
I grunted. “Too full to walk up five flights of stairs,” I told him, burrowing my face in the crook of his neck. The scent of his cologne mixed with his sweat calmed me and cleared my head of the panic, and I breathed a little easer. “Thanks,” I murmured.
“No reason to thank me,” he said softly. “I’m always you’re safety.”
The elevator dinged, and we separated, though Graham grabbed my hand again. Quickly, we exited, and I breathed a sigh of relief before inhaling the cooler air of the hallway. Once our door was unlocked, I walked in ahead of him and flopped back on my bed for a moment.
“Christ, I hate elevators,” I groaned.
Graham loomed over me, his hands in his pockets. “Just make sure you don’t ride in one without me, yeah?” I nodded in agreement. It was one of our ‘rules’, per se. Besides, I wasn’t interested in getting in an elevator without Graham there to make me feel safe. If I’d been by myself, I would’ve waited in the lobby on one of the chairs until my food settled more so I could climb the stairs. “I’m hopping in the shower.”
He toed out of his sneakers and managed to even pull off his socks with his feet before sliding on his shower shoes. I watched as he went to his closet and pulled out a pair of sweats and boxers. He snatched a towel out of one of his drawers and then grabbed the handle of his toiletry carrier. “You good?” he asked, his hand on the door handle of our room.
I smiled at him—a real one—and his lips twitched in return, though concern was still etched into his eyes. “I’m okay,” I promised.
He nodded once and slipped out of our room, quietly shutting the door behind him. Heaving a tired breath—anxiety attacks always made me exhausted, no matter how big or small they happened to be—I got off my bed and took off my sneakers and socks before putting on my shower shoes. After grabbing clothes, a towel, and my toiletry basket, I headed into the bathroom as well.
The quicker I got a shower, the quicker I could get cuddles from my boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
A stupid, goofy smile pulled at my lips as I shut the curtain separating my stall from the rest of the bathroom.
I couldn’t believe Graham was finally my boyfriend.
