Page 113 of The Long Game
But Shane really hadn’t had any reason to believe Ilya resented it. Ilya loved the cottage, loved Shane’s parents, lovedShane. He liked his teammates in Ottawa, and told Shane all the time that it was a great organization, better than Boston had been. He’d been the one to tell Shane, way before they’d talked about making any big life changes, that he wanted to become a Canadian citizen. Ottawa made sense.
But even knowing all of this, Shane had clearly missed something important.
He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to drive right back to Ottawa and apologize, but Ilya had made it clear that he wanted space, and Shane should respect that. Maybe they could talk tomorrow. Or tonight. Or...
Shit. Shane really wanted to call him right now. Or at least text him. The season resumed tomorrow and they wouldn’t be able to see each other for who knew how long. At least a week or two.
He typed out a message to Ilya.I’m sorry. Call me when you want to talk. Please.
God, was that pushy? Should Shane just leave him alone?
Fuck it. Shane hit send. Ilya could ignore it if he wanted, but Shane really hoped he wouldn’t.
He waited a few minutes, just in case Ilya decided to call him right away. But Ilya didn’t even text, and Shane’s heart sank.
Needing to talk tosomeone, he called his mom.
“I messed up,” Shane said as soon as her face filled his phone screen.
“What? With your coach? It’s a day off. How could you—”
“No. With Ilya.”
The concern left her face immediately. She even smiled. “There’s nothing you could do to ruin things with him. What happened?”
Shane sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I take him for granted. Everything he’s given up, and everything he’s changed.” He rubbed at his forehead in frustration. “He’s lonely, y’know? And I’m living my life, happy as can be, assuming that our rare times together are enough for him.”
“He told you this?”
“More or less. I mean, no. But he said enough to help me figure out the rest.” He exhaled. “I’m the worst boyfriend.”
“That’s not true. And Ilya would agree with me, so don’t start.”
Shane pressed his lips together, trying to fight the lump that had formed in his throat. “I don’t deserve him.”
Mom fixed him with an exasperated glare. “Shane.”
“He’s going to break up with me,” Shane said miserably. “This was never going to work. It’s too hard. I’m asking too much of him.”
“He’s an adult,” Mom said. “And he loves you. Against all odds, you boysaremaking this work. I know it’s not ideal, but I’m proud of how hard you’ve both worked to be together. It’s powerful.” She laughed softly. “I wish I could brag about it to everyone I meet.”
Shane shook his head. “Nothing to brag about now. I’ve been a complete asshole. Shit, I’m so selfish. I thought being closer together would make things better for both of us, but he was happier before.”
“This is a conversation you need to have with him. For what it’s worth, he likes being in Ottawa. He told us that he likes this team better than his old one. He loves his teammates, and his new coach.”
Shane’s heart lifted a bit. “He said he likes Ottawa?”
“More than once. And honestly I think he’d live in the city dump if it meant being closer to you. He’s head over heels.”
“But that’s the problem! If he’s making all of his decisions based on me, he’s going to resent me. He already does.”
“Talk to him,” Mom said patiently.
“He doesn’t want to talk.”
“You’ve tried? He said that?”
“He ignored my text.”
