Page 16 of Forbidden Obsession
I can’t imagine falling out of love. My feelings for Jindal are eternal. Nothing could change our bond.
Another sigh as she gathers herself. “I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. Liam was so much older, but with fae, you really can’t tell by looking. And he was so handsome. I thought he’d given me his heart, but really he only ever gave me his attention. His heart, if he had one, was held back. Unknowable until it was too late.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a reason I don’t speak of this.” Her gaze bores into mine. I repress a shiver. “Rahz Starling, you mustn’t blame yourself for Liam’s failings. This has nothing to do with you, not really, and everything to do with his ugly prejudices. That much must be clear before I continue.”
I appreciate her words, but if she thinks for one second I don’t already know I’m the reason my father is gone, she’s wrong. Of course I’m the reason. Until me, they were together. After, they were apart. What’s the obvious difference?
But I don’t want her to feel bad, so I offer the reassurance she needs to continue. “Of course. I was only a baby. Not my fault.”
My fault, my fault, my fault.
“Good. You’re a clever lad. Don’t ever let anyone say otherwise.” She takes a fortifying breath, and her story tumbles out in a hurry. As if the faster she says it, the less it will matter. “When I met him, Liam was an absolute dream. He doted on me. Offered gifts. Said sweet things. He was funny. Charming. A traveler with fascinating stories. He once made me a necklace of shells he’d found on a trip to the coast. Crafted the piece himself. Back then, I never took it off.”
Her hand ghosts over the skin of her throat, touching the phantom necklace. Does she still have it tucked away somewhere? I’ve never seen a necklace of shells anywhere in our house.
“He was kind. Fun to be around. We got up to all sorts of mischief together, climbing the cliffs over at Redfern Gulley and swimming in Mirror Lake, even after the top layer had frozen over for winter. It’s a wonder we weren’t injured.”
She shakes her head and casts her gaze down. “Some humans fall pregnant easily. I didn’t know how easily. Liam didn’t know it could happen at all, not unless he willed the babe to my belly, which he didn’t, so he thought we were safe. I thought we were safe.”
She pauses. I know she’s trying to spare my feelings, but she shouldn’t. She isn’t to blame for my father’s shortcomings.
“One morning, I woke up queasy. The feeling continued off and on each morning throughout the week. When my mother asked what was wrong, I told her. I’ll never forget the look on her face. I asked, ‘What is it? What’s the matter?’ She sat me down and asked about Liam. About what we’d gotten up to. Though my cheeks were burning, I spilled my secrets. Her eyes got so wide I thought they’d pop out of her head. She hadn’t realized how far I’d gone with him. She said there were things I should know. Things she should’ve taught me sooner. Anyway, she knew then, and I came around to believe her shortly thereafter that I was with child. With you.”
Mother pats my cheek. Her smile says she was happy with this news, but I think that must be easier some twenty-plus years after the fact. She must have been scared back then, even if she won’t say as much now.
“It took me a few weeks to come to the same conclusion my mother did. To wrap my mind around the idea of a new life growing within me. I’d always imagined being a mother. As a young child, I carried around my dolls, pretending they were my children. I looked forward to motherhood, and though I was surprised at how fast it had happened, I was excited.
“I thought Liam would be excited too. When I was absolutely sure of the pregnancy, I planned a special dinner to break the news. Mother helped. I baked sweets. My father wasn’t thrilled at first that the baby would be half fae—he never liked Liam—but he was eager for a grandchild.”
Mother grows silent. My chest is tight. The reveal couldn’t have gone well. I feel bad for asking her to relive it, but I’m also thankful she’s finally willing. I don’t rush her.
“Liam wasn’t excited. In fact, he didn’t even believe me. Fae children cannot happen without the combined will of both parents, and as he hadn’t willed the pregnancy, he refused to believe it was real. Asked me for proof. Pointed to my flat belly in disbelief and called me a liar.”
I’m angry on her behalf. My neck heats. My hands ball into fists of their own accord. How dare anyone call my mother a liar? She is no such thing. If I could go back in time and argue with my father, I would.
“I cried. My only proof was the changes within my body, not yet visible to the naked eye and far too personal to share with an angry man. We ate the dinner my mother and I had cooked in silence. I didn’t enjoy the sweets I’d baked, the taste of his disbelief bitter on my tongue. He did apologize for making me cry and softened toward me as he tried to explain why I had to be wrong, but by then, the damage was done. He wasn’t ready to be a father and wouldn’t have chosen me to be the mother of his children, and I knew it.”
A pang of hurt constricts my chest. I’d suspected as much, but it’s still hard to hear. Harder still to see my mother’s buried sorrow. She deserved better. She deserved the world.
“When the inevitable came to pass, and my situation became too obvious to ignore, Liam left. No well wishes, no kiss good-bye, just an empty house and a glaring absence at my side each time I was asked, ‘Who’s the father?’”
She gives me a warm look. “But it mattered little, for I already had a new love. The love of a lifetime, in fact. A love no one could steal away. Because I had my Rahz, and I knew we’d be okay.”
I didn’t plan on crying this morning. “Mumma,” my boyhood name for her, escapes with a sigh, and I collapse into her open arms. I’m bigger than she is, but within the circle of her embrace, I still feel small and protected.
“I love you so much.” She strokes my back. “And though I was disappointed in Liam, I harbor no ill will. Not anymore. He gave me you.”
I sniffle into the warm fabric of her apron, pulling myself together and sitting up. “I love you too, Mumma.”
And I’m disappointed in Liam. What a slug he is to abandon my mother. To abandon me. To insist on being right, even when he was wrong. I’m glad I don’t know him. Nothing about him seems like a person I’d want to know.
Besides, Mother is right. We have each other, and we’re okay. And now we have Jindal too.
Jindal.
I have to tell him everything. The urge to barrel out of the house and to his side rises like a tidal wave.
