Page 80 of Changeling
“You did.” Sebastian stands in front of me, his hands on my waist. “How do you feel?”
I shake my head, for I have no words that can adequately describe tonight’s experience. My body is tingling, my head spinning. He seems to understand and gives me the time I need to formulate my response.
“More than anything, I’m feeling grateful. Grateful to be here, with you, and grateful for all the help we’ve had to get to this point.”
Sebastian tips his head for a kiss, and I give it to him gladly.
His lips move against mine. “Me too.”
CHAPTER24
Sebastian
Hand in hand,we make our way back to The Twig. The parlors will be bustling at this hour. My feet move slowly, but my mind is racing. A jumble of emotions wrestle for dominance: triumph, love, awe, but also fear and long shoved-aside grief.
The other incubi still don’t know I’m a faerie, leaving me torn. I want to be my true self, but I’m not looking forward to the work of convincing everyone not to hate me. Keeping it secret would certainly be easier. I tuck it into the corners of my mind with the other troubles I’ve been avoiding.
Dominus’s deep rumble stirs me from my thoughts. “Are you eager to get back?”
“To The Twig? Not particularly. Why?”
He bumps my shoulder playfully. “I’ve done a lot of thinking since my last letter. I hadn’t expected you to come so quickly. I wasn’t sure if you’d come at all, actually, but I’m so glad you did. Are you in the mood for a bit of a hike? There’s something I want to show you.”
I fold my cloak tighter around my shoulders. It’s cold out, the air humid with oncoming snow, but I’m enjoying the crisp air on my cheeks. “A hike sounds lovely.”
We walk through town, bypassing The Twig, and head toward the city’s eastern gate. It’s late and chilly enough not many other people are around. The occasional passerby either ignores us or acknowledges us with a nod, which we return. The shops and dwellings we pass are lit inside by candlelight, glowing faintly and highlighting silhouettes through windows—people eating supper, tucking little ones into bed, sitting by the hearth in a rocking chair. Normal things.
My life has become anything but, and while I’m grateful for all my opportunities at Bran Vigny and for the chance to live with Dominus, I still yearn for a bit of normalcy. The scent of wood burning as we gather around the fire to eat together after a day’s work, the familiarity of routine, of people who’ve known you and cared for you since you were in swaddling clothes. The little things that are now lost to me.
“You’re quiet,” says Dominus as we walk through the gate and follow the dirt road uphill.
“I’m thinking.”
“What of?”
I don’t want to bring him down, especially not on such a wonderful night. “Nothing in particular.”
“I can practically hear you thinking, Sebastian. It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me, but I can be a good listener if you’d like to share.”
“Well, to be honest, I’m wondering if we’ll ever be able to tell the others what I am. And if so, when? How? You’d said they could turn hostile. I don’t want to cause trouble."
“You won’t.” His voice holds confidence. “They’ve come to know you, and they all witnessed how I pined for you in your absence. Perhaps not my finest moments. They’re glad for me that you’ve returned. I have faith we can win them over. If anyone, it will be me they’re upset with for hiding the truth this long, not you.”
That’s reassuring, but it’s only a part of what’s made me quiet. Do I tell him the rest? When we’ve experienced such triumph? And why, on a night when I should be full of happiness, am I dwelling on the past?
Dominus squeezes my hand. “What is it, love? What’s troubling you?”
I’m tempted to deny it to him as I’ve been denying it to myself, but when he stops in the middle of the vacant road and turns me to face him, his hands on my shoulders, concern in his gaze, I know I must confess the heart of what nags me.
“I have all this magic, this power, and I’ve always had it, you see? I shoved it aside because it marked me as different. I ignored it. I hid it.” The memory of the fire burns bright in my mind. The flames dance across my thoughts, goading me. I feel the heat at my fingers. “Then when I needed my magic the most, I couldn’t control it. My fault. If I’d only tried then, like I have now, I could have saved them. My parents. Instead, I barely saved myself and exposed all while doing it.”
Shame rattles its chains in my gut, turning my stomach. I never allow myself to think about the fire, my parents, the mob, and this is why. My fault. All my fault. I shake my head.
Dominus pulls me to his chest and wraps his big arms around me. Tears come quickly. I hadn’t expected to cry tonight. I try to blink them away, but they’re only followed by more.
“There, there.” Firm hands stroke my back. “Let it out. I’ve got you.”
Oh, gods. We’re in the middle of the street, for stars’ sake. I can’t be having a breakdown now. But the more I resist the swell of emotion, the more the rising tide drags me away.
