Page 46 of The Autumn Wife
The words vibrated through her. But they couldn’t be real. The intensity of the pleasure he’d gifted her had muddled her mind, made limp her body, and set loose desperate fantasies. Surely this was all an illusion, birthed from the ashes of broken dreams.
“You will…” She could barely move her tongue. “You will stay here in the settlements?”
“Yes.” He huffed a breath, half wonder, half astonishment. “Yes, I will.”
The future bloomed in her mind. Every night, the two of them entwined like this on the same bed. Every morning woken with a kiss. Every afternoon, he would return to their home. But just as her heart lifted in her chest, the old fears rose, too, pressing down hope.
“But…but you’ve been counting down the days.” The images in her mind blurred. “Your family… They’re expecting you to return home.”
His gaze flickered and then drifted to the rafters. “They were expecting me, for a while. Years ago.”
Under her ear, the rhythm of his heart intensified, and she felt a vein pulse against her jaw.
“The latest letter from home came from my younger brother.” He raised his free arm and laid it across his brow. “He described the situation in a different way than my mother ever did in earlier years.”
“Different?”
“Much has changed in my absence.” His jaw tightened. “Many of the changes are good—in a way I never foresaw. My younger sisters are all married and settled. My youngest brother is no longer an apprentice, but a master mason, and he has plenty of work to support my stepfather and injured brother. If my mother was still living, I’d be tied in knots about staying in the settlements…but she’s gone.”
“Oh, Theo.”
His throat flexed as he pulled her closer. “I miss her. And Guéret, and my step-siblings, and the band of masons. But now I can’t deny a truth I’ve been avoiding. Benoit hinted at it in his letter. If I—forever a convict—rejoined the masons, my presence might destroy the prosperity that my brother has rebuilt in the years I’ve been gone.”
His voice was somber, and her heart went sore. “Your brother said this?”
“Not plainly, but I heard the message.”
“Are you sure you’re not reading the letter wrong?”
“No. I’m seeing the situation clearly for the first time.” His shoulders shifted under her. “My absence from Guéret is like a wound that has stitched over. If I returned, I’d rip it back open.”
She lightly traced his chest with her fingernails. She knew she would do better to keep her mouth shut, stop asking questions, lest her probing made Theo change his mind about staying. But what kind of loving partner would she be, if she allowed Theo to make a sacrifice that he would regret later?
Her heart halfway up her throat, she asked, “And what of revenge?”
Theo sucked in a slow, long breath.
“The viscount did you such wrong.”Quiet, you fool!
“Doesn’t it eat at you, that injustice? Wasn’t vengeance another reason why you counted down the days to your freedom?”
The wind whistled around a corner of the cabin, rising and falling in pitch, as she waited in agony for an answer.
He sighed. “I can’t deny that the idea of vengeance has kept me alive for a long time.”
She drew her lower lip between her teeth. She understood all too well how plotting revenge could keep a soul sane in the face of horrors. With that grim thought, a dark wind cut through her, carrying icy memory and the weight of so many dangerous secrets.
“I think it was knowingyouthese past months that made me give up the idea of revenge.” He planted a damp kiss against her temple, close to the scar Eduard had given her. “I’ve come to realize that if I went back and murdered the viscount, I would become exactly the kind of murderous criminal that the law had wrongly branded me. Think about that, Ceci—just witnessing your courage, your generosity, and your kindness was enough to wash the acid from my heart.”
Oh, Theo.Tears sparked behind her eyes.I’m not as kind or courageous as you believe.
“Between Benoit’s letter,” he continued, “and being here with you, I’ve changed my mind about everything. I know what I need to do.”
She clamped her jaw against the confession surging up her throat. The past was the past. What she’d done, she’d done—there was no taking it back. Telling Theo her ugly secret would be folly. Speakingof her crime would destroy their future before it had even begun.
But didn’t Theo deserve to know what kind of woman now lay in his bed?
“Ceci, I want us to be so happy.” His voice rippled with wonder. “I want to build a new life with you.”
