Page 62 of Lucky Penny
I turn my head, feeling the cool granite stone on my cheek, bringing myself back to her.
“There’s something else.” I gulp, feeling like a child as I wring my hands together. “There’s something I never told you.” I peer up toward the gray December sky. “Jesse wasn’tjustmy best friend. He was the first boy I ever loved.”
A moment goes by, and I wait for the effect of talking about Jesse to feel burdensome like it always does. But the feeling doesn’t arise. “Actually, I think he’s the first, last, and only boy I’ve ever loved.” I sit up straighter, like she’s listening, like she can talk back to me.
“But he broke my heart that summer when he left me to do life alone. I know you said I was never the same after him and Danny got locked up, and you were right. I wasn’t. I cut them out, because it hurt too much. My twin brother and the boy I loved with my entire heart were both ripped from me because of their own stupidity, and suddenly, I was alone.” Shaking my head, I squeeze my eyes shut as they puff up from the tears.
“I always know what to do.Always. But right now, I am more lost than ever.”
Footsteps approach in the grass behind me, and I wipe my eyes quickly, trying not to smudge my makeup. Not that I care what a stranger thinks of me, but I don’t want someone to flash me looks of pity as I sit like a child in the grass.
Anyway, I’ll be fine. I always find a way to be okay.
However, the footsteps don’t belong to a stranger.
I’d know those black boots anywhere; they’re worn in all the right places, familiar in a way that makes my chest ache. As they land next to me, I stay sitting on my butt, feeling safer down here, pretending I don’t already feel the weight of his presence pressing into me.
“I didn’t know you’d be here this morning, I’m sorry.” His voice is an unexpected comfort.
“It’s fine, I was just about to leave,” I reply, and I don’t know if that’s the truth, but I feel stupid now, so I stuff the tissues in my pocket and spring up, wiping the dead grass from my legs. I’m sure he can tell by the red rimming my eyes that I wasn’t here having a jolly good time.
“Don’t leave because of me. I just haven’t been here yet...” His sentence trails off, and I glance up. A black helmet is propped under one of his arms, dark jeans are tucked into his motorcycle boots, and a worn leather jacket sits on his broad shoulders.
But my eyes are immediately drawn to the small bundle of flowers in his other hand.
My gut drops, the tears pressing against the wall again.
Do not let him see you cry.
I take a step back, and Jesse fills in the space, squatting down to place one hand on the gravestone. He gently leans the flowers under Nan’s name. A bundle of daisies.
“That’s kind of you.” I gesture, unsure what to do. A fidgety sensation takes over my limbs.
He doesn’t peel his stare away from the stone.
“Daisies always reminded me of her. She used to wear that daisy necklace,” he replies with a tiny grin.
I can’t believe he remembers.
I bought her that necklace when I was ten. The metal was cheap, and it was definitely a necklace meant for kids, but anytime we had somewhere nice to go, she had it around her neck.
“I remember it. She was sweet like that,” I reply.
He shifts back on his heels. Jesse’s face tilts toward mine, eyes squinting in the sun. His face has lost all boyishness, and I’m still uneasy about just how beautiful he is.
“You’re a lot like her, you know that?” he says, studying my face.
Warmth creeps up my throat. “I don’t know about that.”
“No, you are. You take care of people like she did. She was a saint.”
Nanwasa saint, but not me. I seem to make messes worse these days. But I don’t bring this up, I just nod, biting my lip. “Hey, about last night. You didn’t have to do that.”
He stands, facing me, brows furrowed. “Of course, I did. You really think I was going to let something happen to you two?”
“I don’t think it would’ve been that serious,” I say, but I doubt my own logic. Brett has always been a loose cannon.
“I wasn’t going to risk losing anyone else,” he replies, and the words sink into me.
