Page 56 of Lucky Penny
Trying to butter me up with compliments. Of course, there’s peppermint; I know how to make a drink.
“Honestly, Pen, money would be great, but that sounds like so much work right now. Plus, I can’t even imagine living anywhere but here.”
I stay silent, and Fia finally looks up at me, continuing. “This is my home.” Her voice is clipped.
In Nan’s will, she specifically stated that anything that happened with the house would have to be agreed on by a majority vote. The will was drafted after Danny was in prison and I hadn’t spoken to him in years. It’s like Nan had a plan all along, knowing this house is what would tie us together.
But maybe she forgot how stubborn her three grandchildren were.
We start the game without another word, and I push the frustrations out of my head the best I can. It’s nearly Christmas, and I don’t want to ruin every waking moment with my nagging reminders that reality is a bitch.
So we sat around the coffee table for the next hour, playing Monopoly.
And I decide to let today just be today. I won’t talk about the house.
I do steal glances at Jesse, however, who I can’t help but laugh at with the reindeer mug in his giant tattooed hand.
The gravity of this moment isn’t lost on me, and my stomach is riddled with anxiety. We aren’t kids anymore, Jesse isn’t afraid of returning to an unsafe home, Nan isn’t in the kitchen making dinner, Danny’s not coming up with new ideas that will get us all in trouble.
For a moment, I let myself imagine it. A happy family.
But that’s ridiculous.
Fia’s having a baby, and Jesse is simply passing through. He’ll leave, onto something bigger and better, and it will go back to being Fia and I.
“I can’t believe next Christmas there will be another little girl here.” Fia places a hand on her belly, smiling. She’s glowing, really.
It’s surreal to think about, and before I can catch myself, I’m pouring salt on the wound.
“You know, if you need my help, I’ll be two hours from you.” I frown, because the idea actually does make my heart twinge.
“You could look at it the other way around, too,” Jesse adds coolly, even though I wasn’t talking tohim.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“What ifyouneed help, andweare both two hours away?” he asks, and my breath stills in my lungs.
We.Like he’s part of this family.
“You talk like you’re staying around.” I laugh, but my heart is skipping beats, waiting for his response.
Jesse leans back, his hands behind his head, biceps flexing.
“Who said I’m leaving? Like Fia said, this is home.”
This house? This city? Where?A million things I want to say rush to mind, but Fia smirks, her green eyes glinting at me. “You’re outnumbered, sis. Sorry.”
As I sit on the scratchy woven rug, in a house that’s a time capsule of my childhood, and watch Jesse and Fia laugh over a game, Audrey’s words come to mind.
What would happen if my sister knew the truth? What if she knew the complicated past of her sister and the guy she looks up to like a big brother?
I hate keeping things from her. I tell my sister everything, butthisis different. She needs me now more than ever, and if I tell her, she might not trust me. I can’t risk fracturing our relationship.
I consciously have to keep pulling my knees back to my chest, so my foot doesn’t accidentally brush against his, and I know I’m reaching my limit. How many more times can I hear his laugh and not stare at his face like he was the sun and stars at one point in my life?
How much longer can I bite my tongue until I taste blood to keep the words from clawing their way out? Confusing and painful words that have every fiber of me begging to decipher them before I do something stupid.
Because everything about Jesse makes me feel like I’m walking a tightrope.
