Page 47 of A Scottish Christmas Hideaway
Reuben knew that Christmas was a time of joyful anticipation for many people, that they looked forward to the festivities all year. Since his mum died, when he was twenty-two, his dad had always tried to keep Christmas as upbeat as possible, knowing that’s what she would have wanted. But her death had left a massive hole in both their lives that no amount of forced festivities could cover over. He missed his mum even more this past year and felt her absence more keenly around Christmas. He wished he could talk to her about Jessica. She would have known what to say.You always did like her, Mum, he said to himself, smiling as he remembered his mum telling him off for pulling Jessica’s ponytail when she was younger.What should I do now though?He could picture his mum smiling as she sat at the kitchen table, holding her favourite mug. She always used to tell him that everything would be okay. Whether it was studying for and worrying about exams or nerves before his driving test, she always had the same advice. And even now all these years later, he could still hear her voice softly in his mind. It was a reminder that he had to trust that things would work out.Everything will be okay. You’ll always find a way.
He raked his hands through his hair, reminding himself that he was at risk of sounding like a maudlin idiot. He had lots to be grateful for, and he was truly appreciative of Catriona’s invite to join them at Christmas. But he didn’t want to intrude any more than he had or have anyone feeling sorry for him. Giving himself a shake, he grabbed his gym bag. He would go for a swim and use the steam room at the gym. He shivered as he walked outside and to his car. It was freezing, raining and almost dark. He could now appreciate why Belinda was in such a rush to get back to the sunshine in Dubai. The thought of azure skies and warm sunshine was a welcome one. His brows furrowed. Maybe a huge dose of vitamin D was what he needed? Perhaps he should just book himself a week away in the sun over Christmas. DefinitelynotDubai, but maybe somewhere else. Then he remembered Brodie and his planned trip to Costa Rica. Okay, flying to the Caribbean coast was perhaps a bit extreme, though tempting, and he was sure Brodie was heading there for two weeks. But maybe he could go to one of the Canary Islands like Lanzarote or Gran Canaria. It would definitely be warm this time of year and that way he could just remove himself from the whole festive situation and escape.
He allowed himself a smile before the small voice in his head reminded him he would need to visit his dad. The guilt rippled through him again, and he took a breath, reasoning with himself that he could visit his dad before he flew off anywhere — it would only be for a week. Would his dad mind? Would he even realise he hadn’t been to visit? He sighed. There was a constant loop of swirling thoughts in his head around his dad and whether he was doing enough or could do more. His dad had always told him to make the best of life and enjoy himself while he was young and he could. He once again wished he had a sibling he could share the emotional load with. Sometimes it just felt too much.Which is a sign you need a break, Reuben, he told himself. It had beena long time since he’d had a proper holiday. In fact, the last time he’d been away anywhere hot was to Dubai when he visited Belinda eighteen months ago. Then shortly after, she cheated on him and broke the news that she‘d been having an affair.
With a sigh, he started the engine and thought about at least exploring his options. Perhaps a week’s holiday away from thejoy of Christmasmight well offer him some kind of solution.
Chapter Thirty-One
‘Do you fancy coming to the pub tonight with me and Lily?’ Gillian had started scrubbing the worktops in the back kitchen at the bakery and she looked over at Jessica.
Jessica considered her question for a moment, automatically thinking about an excuse she could make as that’s what she’d spent the past year doing. Then she remembered she had none. Murray, Carolyn and Lexi were settling into the cottage, and she had seen them every day since they’d arrived back in Rowan Bay last week. She had even managed another visit to the sauna, this time with Carolyn. It had been so nice to spend time with them and enjoy being part of a family again. But tonight, she had nowhere else she needed to be. She could go out and spend time with friends. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘That sounds nice. Thanks for asking me.’
Gillian gave her a thumbs-up. ‘Great. Mum said she would babysit and it’s been ages since I’ve been out. We could even grab a bite to eat there too.’
Jessica nodded vaguely, then a fleeting thought of Reuben floated through her mind. She hadn’t seen him since that day last week at Primrose Cottage. She wondered for the umpteenth time why he’d suddenly backed off when they were getting on so well. It had to have been that phone call and his either jumping to the wrong conclusion or judging her. And if she was honest, she was annoyed. She was annoyed that he had been offhand with her and had clearly jumped to the wrong conclusion without giving her the chance to explain. She had every intention of asking him if he had overheard her at the inn. But given he was now avoiding her that was proving tricky. She needed to stop ruminating over it and thinking about him. There was no point. But that didn’t make it any easier, especially when she was so attracted to him and he’d kissed her the way that he did.
She turned her focus back to the task at hand. She had just finished making the last batch of cinnamon buns which were now in the oven. There was a wonderful scent of cinnamon and nutmeg in the air. It was a smell she didn’t think she would ever tire of. The bakery was as busy as ever and she knew she would miss this strange routine she had quickly settled into. Volunteering in this way had given her trip back home a bit of structure and purpose, and she was hopeful that Struan was now feeling more enthused about the possibility of a community buyout. Just yesterday he indicated to both her and Gillian that the thought was keeping him going.
‘If I could put the flat upstairs on the market in the new year and get some money for it that would be something,’ he had said. ‘It would make me feel more in control and definitely help with the cash flow. That way I could be more focused on trying to get the community bid underway.’
It was the most enthused she had seen Struan since she had met him, and even Gillian had commented on how much happier and less stressed he seemed now there was a bit of a plan in place. It felt good to be able to help them out. Jessica started to whistle as she drizzled the icing on the buns and stepped back to admire them.
‘I tell you what, doll,’ said Struan, who had just walked in. ‘You are giving me a run for my money with your buns. I’m not sure what we’ll do when you go. I’m sure yours are even more popular than mine. They sold out even quicker than usual yesterday. I think they’re the talk of the town.’
Jessica smiled, pleased at the compliment. ‘Yours are delicious and I’m sure they will still fly out the door when you take over again.’ The thought of not being here felt odd and her mood deflated slightly. Gillian, Struan and the bakery had given her a sense of comfort and friendship when she had needed it most. She was relieved she didn’t need to think about leavingquite yet. Christmas was less than a week away and she wasn’t due back in London until the fifth of January. So, she had just over two weeks to make the most of being here. She was sure the novelty would have worn off by then.
* * *
Later that afternoon, Jessica had an appointment with Agata to have her hair done. It had taken her ages to get an appointment with her as December was always Agata’s busiest month. She had timed it nicely, especially as she was meeting Gillian and Lily at the Rowan Bar later. Her hair was long overdue a cut and she was looking forward to having it done. Agata always did her mum’s hair, and when she sat in the chair at the salon, Jessica felt immediately at ease. She didn’t have to say much as Agata was happy to do all the talking while she applied honeyed highlights through her hair and then snipped and cut Jessica’s hair into a choppy bob.
‘Wow, that looks and feels so much better,’ Jessica said when she saw her reflection in the mirror. ‘It was badly needing to be done. You have transformed me, Agata. Thank you.’
Agata beamed at her as she brushed away some stray bits of hair from Jessica’s shoulders. ‘You look beautiful and all ready for a night out.’
Jessica laughed. ‘It’s lucky that I am doing the very thing tonight.’
Agata squealed. ‘A hot date?’
She shook her head. ‘Well, a hot date with two friends at the pub. That’s about as exciting as it gets.’
‘No man then?’
‘Too much like hard work,’ said Jessica.
Agata giggled. ‘I have a brother who is single and always looking for love.’
Jessica nodded awkwardly.Oh please, no.She always hated it when well-meaning people tried to set her up.
‘He’s a butcher in Glasgow and very nice.’
The image of a man covered in blood immediately formed in her mind. She knew she was being completely judgemental and making all sorts of wrong assumptions, but the thought of dating a butcher did not appeal in the slightest. Especially as she wasn’t a huge meat eater. In fact, the thought of going out with anyone didn’t appeal at all.Unless it’s Reuben,said the voice in her head. She pulled out her phone to pay. It was time for her to exit before Agata had a date all organised. ‘I’m sure he is,’ she said politely. ‘But I head back to London soon and I have no time for men.’
‘Fair enough,’ she said, walking over to the till. ‘It was worth a try. You enjoy your night with your friends. And let me know if you change your mind.’
Jessica tapped her phone against Agata’s machine. ‘I will do. See you later. And thank you for doing such a great job with my hair.’
‘You are welcome. It certainly needed it.’
