Page 2 of A Scottish Christmas Hideaway
‘No,’ said Ivan swiftly. ‘It’s about Zander Harrison. He’s just off the phone.’
She managed not to roll her eyes. So this was what it was about. That meeting the other day when the client had been completely patronising towards her. ‘He was mansplaining,’ she said briskly. The way he always insisted on sitting so close to her in meetings was also completely creepy, but she managed not to blurt that out to Ivan. Especially as she knew shehadbeen rude to him.
Ivan narrowed his eyes and there was a faint smile on his lips, which lasted about a millisecond. ‘I know what Zander is like. I know how condescending he is. But he is paying us a lot of money to get the results he knows we deliver. Remember, the client likes to think they are right.’
Jessica chewed her lip for a minute, realising that she was actually very tired of putting up with people who thought they could act in any way they pleased because they had money.She actually didn’t care any more. ‘Even when they aren’t,’ she muttered, immediately realising it was the wrong thing to say.
Ivan stood up straight and frowned. ‘When they’re paying us the amount they are, they are always entitled to think they are right, Jessica. There are plenty of other firms they can take their business to if our actions displease them.’
And there was the rub. If Zander Harrison wandered into the office right this minute and tried to tell her once more how to do her job, she’d probably tell him where to shove his bottomless wallet. Which didn’t bode well. Maybe Ivan had a point. Had she let her professional standards slip? Was she being too prickly and oversensitive with clients? Or had she reached her limits with the job?
‘Look,’ he said more gently. ‘I don’t really know what is going on with you and it’s none of my business. Unless it starts to impact on your work. I did check with HR and you’ve hardly used any of your annual leave this year.’
She swallowed. He was right. But the last thing she had wanted to do was take a break. Work had given her the focus she’d needed this year.
‘Take some time off,’ he said, which sounded like a clear directive rather than a friendly suggestion. Then his mobile started ringing and he moved away from his desk, the conversation clearly over.
She picked up her cup and returned to her own desk, sitting there for as long as she could, trying to casually drink her coffee and look at the screen in front of her. But she could feel shooting pains behind her eyes and was horrified at having to choke back a sob. She absolutely could not start to cry in here. It would be theendof her.
Taking a breath, she managed to hold herself together. She walked from the office to the toilets. As she dried her hands under the fluorescent lights, she looked back at her reflectionin disgust. Her face was white, her cheeks hollow and her strawberry-blonde hair was dull and hung limply around her shoulders. It badly needed a colour, a cut and a blow dry. She didn’t exactly epitomise the look of a top lawyer. Ivan was right to be concerned. He didn’t want his reputation flawed in any way and she was hardly helping things when she looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards.
The door swung open and she heard footsteps approaching. ‘Hey,’ said Freda, who came and stood next to her. Freda was tall and willowy and her long blonde hair hung over her shoulders in waves. Leaning into the mirror, Freda applied some lip gloss to her rosebud lips and smacked them together. In her sharp black suit, white shirt and red heels, Freda looked very much the brilliant lawyer that she was.
Jessica sighed loudly and then looked guiltily at Freda. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that quite so loudly. I just realised how awful I look.’
Freda turned to face her and looked at her properly through icy-blue eyes and a stare that could penetrate through the toughest of clients. But there was kindness in her eyes too as she reached over to pat Jessica on the arm. She tilted her head. ‘I’m not going to lie. You do look terrible, Jess. You’ve not been yourself for a while. You know we’re all worried about you?’
Jessica nodded, her head now starting to throb, and she gave her a weak smile. Since the beginning of the year she had started to withdraw and was much quieter than usual. She didn’t always return texts or phone calls and had retreated back into work until that was all she did. She was at her desk early every morning and then didn’t leave until she had worked at least twelve hours, which was fairly standard for a lot of people in her profession. But there was no respite from work at all. She had even started running into the office at weekends, along the River Thames from her apartment in Putney, telling herself that it wasexercise and fresh air and that she needed to check some files anyway. A quick hour in the office soon turned into several, until it became a regular habit and she was there all the time. ‘Yes, Ivan has just told me to take some time off. I think I’m scaring the clients.’
‘You could do with a break, Jessica,’ she said softly. ‘You look utterly exhausted.’
Jessica’s jaw tightened. She wasknackered. Even her bones felt old and weary. But even though she had loads of outstanding annual leave accrued, the thought of a break from her routine terrified her because that would mean she had time to think. She tried to speak but the words were swirling in her mouth and suddenly she felt as though her brain was filled with glue.
‘Take a breath,’ said Freda, calmly. ‘You’re okay, Jessica. Just take a few slow breaths.’
Jessica’s heart rate quickened and she tried to breathe slowly as her eyes widened in panic.
‘Splash your hands under the taps,’ said Freda, gently taking her trembling hands and running the water over them. ‘It’s okay. Let’s just take a minute before we go somewhere quiet.’
It was as though she was having an out-of-body experience as she looked at Freda and listened to her words. They sounded muffled, as though they were both underwater. After a minute or two, with Freda talking soothingly next to her, Jessica’s breathing started to slow again and she watched as Freda dried her hands for her with some paper towels.
‘Come on. Let’s go and get a cup of tea.’ She didn’t wait for an answer. She led Jessica out of the toilets by the arm and discreetly towards the lift. Ushering her in, she pressed the button to take them straight to the floor the café was on. It was empty — everyone was far too busy to ever actually sit in it — and she guided Jessica to a table in the corner and fetched them botha cup of tea. She unwrapped a flapjack and pushed it towards Jessica. ‘I bet you haven’t eaten all day, have you?’
Jessica shook her head and then the tears started to trickle down her cheeks. She felt for a tissue in her pocket and quickly tried to stem the flow, mortified that she was crying at work.
‘Oh, love,’ said Freda kindly. ‘What is it? What’s going on?’
Jessica gulped. How could she tell her the truth? That she wasn’t coping any more. And that she’d had enough. Freda had privately supported Jess throughout the ordeal of the past year. But Jessica didn’t go into all the gory details. That she’d had her heart broken and smashed into smithereens repeatedly.
‘We’ve all been worried about you . . . You’re just not yourself. And haven’t been for a while. And that’s understandable with what you’ve had to deal with. But . . .’ Freda sighed and leaned in. ‘I always hate telling colleagues what to do. But it sounds like that was an order coming from Ivan. And you look as though you’re about to hit the wall, Jessica. If you don’t hit Zander Harrison first. And if that happens then you’re no use to anyone.’
And just in that moment as Jessica looked at Freda, she realised what she needed to do before she was made to. ‘You’re right, Freda. I’m in a total state. Not just my hair,’ she said in a bid to make a feeble joke. ‘I need to take some time off . . . I need to go home.’
Freda nodded. ‘I can take over any of your clients for the duration.’
Once upon a time she would have reacted in defence and abject horror to that suggestion. But she was exhausted and realised she didn’t actually care about work any more. She didn’t care about anything. She just wanted to go home to see her parents and sleep. She wanted to go home to Rowan Bay and hide.
‘A few weeks away will do you the world of good. Especially at this time of year when things are kind of slowing down anyway,’ said Freda firmly.
