Page 14 of A Scottish Christmas Hideaway
They were immersed in comfortable silence as they drove back towards Rowan Bay, Reuben’s eyes focused on the winding road ahead.
Then Jessica spoke. ‘I didn’t realise you had moved back to the village.’
‘It’s not really a permanent thing. I still have my flat in Glasgow. I’ve been dividing my time between them until I figure out what to do.’
‘What made you buy the cottage from your dad then?’
‘He needed full-time care and so we had to sell his home to pay the care home fees.’ He paused and glanced at her. ‘My dad has dementia, and although I had carers coming in to help him every day, he got to the stage where he couldn’t be left on his own. I wanted to know he would be safe so moving him into the care home seemed the best solution.’ It didn’t matter how many times he explained the situation, he still felt guilty about it. ‘I hated the thought of someone else living in the cottage.’ He brushed his hand across his jaw. ‘That’s why I decided to buy it.’
‘Ah, I see. That makes sense. I guess it’s good you’ve been able to do that . . . and how is your dad?’
He frowned, realising he wasn’t used to people asking after his dad. ‘He seems settled enough. And I’m glad he’s safe there. But I still feel guilty.’
‘Why?’
‘I feel I should have done more for him.’
‘But what else could you have done, other than moving in with him and being his full-time carer?’
It was the first time he had spoken about this in a while and he hadn’t realised how much it had been playing on his mind. He could feel his voice tremble as he spoke. ‘It’s just been hard, you know.’
‘I don’t think your dad would want you to feel bad,’ she said gently.
He looked across at her. ‘I know you’re right. It’s just been difficult. Doing the right thing isn’t easy.’
She nodded sympathetically. ‘And do you think you’ll rent it out when Murray has gone back to Australia?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. I haven’t really thought about where my home will be.’ He could tell she was looking at him, and he turned briefly to meet her quizzical gaze.
He shrugged, not really wanting to get drawn on where home was right now. ‘I don’t know yet and I work remotely anyway so I can be flexible about where I’m based. How about you? What does it feel like, being back in the motherland?’
She cleared her throat. ‘It’s a bit strange. But then it also feels very normal. Does that make sense? It’s so far removed from my London life but in a good way. Part of me feels like I’ve never left. Being back made me realise what a great place it was to grow up in.’
He nodded in agreement. ‘Yes, we were lucky having so much space when we were kids. And the loch . . .’
‘I know. I miss the water too. I live near the river in London but it’s just not the same.’
Reuben wanted to ask more about her life in London but he didn’t want to intrude and he was struggling to think how to ask more about her life without sounding nosy. Catriona had mentioned briefly that she was exhausted and coming home for a rest. He wondered if she had burnout because of her job or whether there was more to it. Catriona had never mentioned whether she had a partner or not, and if he asked, surely that would be a bit weird? ‘You’ll be looking forward to seeing your brother?’ he said eventually.
‘Yup, it’s been a while,’ she said. ‘I can’t wait to see Lexi. She’s at such a cute age.’
‘Yes,’ said Reuben. ‘It will be good to catch up properly with him. It’s been ages. I still can’t quite believe he’s a dad. Seems crazy.’
‘What about you?’ said Jessica.
‘What do you mean?’
‘How’s married life?’
‘Complicated,’ he said, his voice curter than he intended it to be. He would have thought Catriona might have filled her in on his marriage breakdown. But she seemed completely unaware.
‘Oh. I’m sorry,’ said Jessica.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, keen not to talk about it any longer than he had to.
Just then, as they neared the village, Jessica’s phone buzzed, and when she looked at it, she tutted and slipped it back in her pocket. She didn’t say anything or give an explanation, but she became quiet. ‘Everything okay?’ he said, trying to sound concerned rather than prying.
‘Yes,’ she said distractedly. ‘It’s nothing important.’
