Page 16 of A Christmas Wish on Arran
‘Tell me how you are and what you’ve been up to?’ Beth listened as he told her about the latest news from the retirement flats, which included an in-depth description of the latest Bridge tournament, plans for several Christmas lunches and a golf game he had planned for later in the week — all dependent on the weather.
‘What about you?’
‘What do you mean?’ She reached to the floor for her glass of water and took a sip.
‘I just hope that it’s not all work. You deserve to have some fun too Beth. Have you met any nice people yet?’
Beth knew he was right. Pausing before she answered, she put her glass back down on the floor. But her dad continued before she could speak. ‘I know I may be speaking out of turn, but you have always worked so hard. Just please look after yourself Beth. You only get one life you know.’
Beth wasn’t quite sure what to say. Everything he said was correct, and yet she felt annoyed. She couldn’t help but takehis words as criticism. ‘Okay, you don’t need to lecture me,’ she snapped.
Then she immediately felt remorse for being so insensitive, especially when she knew that her dad was only trying to help. And had been such ahugesupport these past few weeks, even when she had been such a crap daughter for years.
‘Sorry Beth. I’m just trying to help. I worry about you.’
Beth took a long breath and silently reprimanded herself again. ‘No need to apologise. I am the one who is sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Everything you said is true and I know you’re trying to help . . . I’m just not very good at taking advice.’ Her face softened a little as she thought about her dad, who was probably standing scratching his head as he paced around his flat, wondering what he should be saying to her. Her mum had always been the one to dispense the parental words of wisdom. ‘I really appreciate all you’ve done to help me, and I know I owe you an explanation. I’ve not been a very good daughter for a long time now. But I promise I will make that up to you. I will tell you what happened one day. When I’m ready.’ Though at this moment in time she didn’t know if she would ever again want to rake up the details of what happened with Tim. Aside from anything else, she knew her dad would be livid and want to hunt him down and throttle him.
‘Beth.’ His voice was calm. ‘If I was there beside you, I would give you a hug and remind you that I am always here for you and I love you. Please never forget that.’
She wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek. ‘I know. Thanks, Dad.’ She forced back the choking sob rising up the back of her throat. ‘I promise I will make sure it’s not all work and no play.’
‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad to hear it. Oh, and before I forget, Margaret sends her love and hopes the car is behaving.’
Beth smiled fondly. ‘Tell her it has been a lifesaver. I’m not quite sure what I would have done without it.’
‘I will tell her. She will be delighted to hear that.’
‘How is she doing?’
He chuckled. ‘She is just fine and keeping me on my toes. And tell me, what’s on the rest of the week for you?’
Beth gave her dad a vague rundown of some of the meetings she had lined up for work. ‘I’ve also been familiarising myself with all the local coffee shops. I might even make the effort to go to an exercise class in the community centre.’ She had no intention of doing this, but wanted to make sure that her dad wouldn’t be worrying about her sitting alone in the flat night after night.
‘That sounds nice. And outside work is there anyone to socialise with?’
Thoughts of Alessandro floated through her head. He had popped into the office that morning, although she had been out on an errand, and left a message with Jim asking her to call him sometime. Jim had merely raised an eyebrow as he relayed what Alessandro had said. She still wasn’t quite sure that getting involved with him, even as friends, was a good idea at this stage. He was the type of guy who thought he had the gift of the gab. Beth wasn’t convinced that his charm was genuine.
‘It’s still early days for that.’ She tried to reassure herself as much as her dad. ‘But don’t worry, I will keep you posted.’
They chatted for a few more minutes and then she ended the call, promising to be in touch again soon. For a moment she wondered if she should drop Alessandro a text, but then decided there was no rush. In spite of her initial misgivings, Alessandro had been really welcoming and friendly to her and she didn’t want to let things that had happened with Tim cloud her view on men for the rest of her life. But she needed to give herself some time and space before she reached out to anyone.
Chapter Sixteen
When Beth woke up the next morning it took her a few moments to work out where she was. It was quiet and dark — she felt as though she could be absolutely anywhere. Reaching to switch on the bedside light, her eyes adjusted and the bland décor reminded her that she was in the flat in Arran. Her mind raced through the numerous beds she had stayed in this past year, including the hotel she had just left, her dad’s flat and the flat share in Deptford with Lara. Was it really only a couple of months ago that she lived there? As she lay on her back, cosy and propped up by pillows, she stared at the ceiling, wondering if it would take her long to get used to living alone. She couldn’t quite believe that she now had a place to call her very own. She could take as long in the shower as she wanted, leave her dishes in the sink and do them when it suited her. The freedom of having a place to call home again made her feel as though she was in her twenties again. Though her reflection in the mirror of course told a different story, with her lined forehead and long brown hair that was starting to show streaks of silver. As she stretched her toes and pointed them towards the end of the bed, she realised shehadn’twoken with the familiar feel of dread that she’d carried like a cumbersome weight for months. She felt a shiver go down her spine, then a sense of anticipation in her stomach. It felt liberating and she grinned. Looking at her watch, and realising it was only just past seven, she was now wide awake and ready to embrace the day. She sat up, swung her feet round onto the floor and slid them into the slippers that Margaret had kindly given to her. They were huge furry reindeers, complete with antlers, which looked utterly ridiculous on her small feet.
‘They’ll keep you all toasty through the winter,’ Margaret had said knowingly when Beth had unwrapped them. ‘And get you in the festive spirit.’
Beth smiled as she now looked down at her feet. She’d been slightly resistant to wearing them when she first opened up the parcel. Reindeer slippers were sonother thing. But Margaret had been right. Theywerelovely and warm. Beth stretched her arms above her head, then padded through to the kitchen and filled the kettle to make a cup of tea. As she squeezed the teabag against the side of the cup, she managed to spill some water on the worktop. Automatically reaching for a cloth, she realised there were lots of things in the flat that she needed to get. Grabbing a piece of paper she started to make a list. She would try and go to the shops if she had time at lunch.
* * *
She was in the office alone today as Jim had a meeting in Glasgow, catching the early ferry over to Ardrossan. Things had been busy that morning as she tried to work through her task list and, by lunchtime, Beth’s stomach was rumbling. She decided to go to the large Co-op to get a sandwich and the other things on her list. As she pushed the trolley up and down the aisles, she scanned the bit of paper that she had scribbled quickly on earlier, trying to remember what else she might need. There were the practical things, like kitchen roll and toilet paper, washing-up liquid and laundry detergent, bread, teabags, pasta, sauce, tinned tomatoes, sardines and eggs. She reminded herself to buy some fruit and salad. It was a random assortment but, as she looked into the trolley, she knew there was enough in there to keep her going until she got a bit more organised. Beth had never been a keen cook, despite her attempts to embrace it over the years. But she could manage to make herself basic meals like sardines on toast, omelettes, stir-fries and pasta dishes.When she thought back to Jim’s son Rory the other day, how excited he was to be around food, she smiled. As she steered the trolley round the corner and into the cleaning products aisle, she glanced up at the customer coming towards her. It was a woman who was about the same age as Beth — as she got closer, Beth tried to steal a few more furtive glances without worrying the woman that she was some kind of stalker. There was something very familiar about her gait, and Beth paused as she desperately tried to put a name to her face. This had happened frequently in London and could beveryembarrassing. She would pass people in the street, recognise them and quickly try and rack her brains as to how she knew them. Was it from college or work or school? Was it someone she had interviewed? She had a terrible tendency to mix up names and faces and places and wrongly associate them. She still cringed when she remembered the time she had been in Covent Garden and walked past a guy who was the features editor on a newspaper she had once worked on. Except she couldn’t remember his name. He had a beanie pulled down over his head and was minding his own business as he sauntered along the street. He happened to make eye contact for a second and she waved at him. ‘Hey, how are you?’ she’d said. ‘Long time no see.’
He paused and looked at her with bemusement. ‘Hello.’ He’d sounded a bit nervous.
‘How are you?’ She’d tried desperately to recall his name, wondering why the hell she hadn’t noticed how spectacularly good-looking he was when she worked with him. She didn’t remember his eyes being so stunningly blue. Or those dimples either.
‘Um, okay, thanks.’ He looked like he was trying to edge away.
