Page 39 of A Year at Appleyard Farm
Freya laughed like a drain. ‘Merry, that’s priceless, but did it work?’
‘It bloody did, I couldn’t believe it! Oh, but Freya, it hurt. I thought she was a bit nuts when she first left. I mean everything felt fine, but then after tea when I tried to feed Robyn, things felt a bit weird. By bedtime, my left boob had blown up like a Belisha beacon, and the heat coming off it was something else. I went to sleep wearing the cabbage, woke up stinking like old socks, but by yesterday evening it had all but gone. And I’m fine today.’
‘Is Robyn okay?’
‘Oh she’s grand…Listen, I don’t suppose you fancy coming over do you? I think I’m going ever so slightly mad. With all this rain, we can’t get out, and I’m not really any use to Tom. Besides which, he’s gone back over to Worcester today to speak to a builder chum of his.’
‘I’m on my way. Give me twenty minutes.’
An hour later and they were both sitting on the floor surrounded by half-emptied boxes and piles and piles of books.
‘You never mentioned slave labour when you rang,’ grumbled Freya. ‘How on earth did you get to have so many books?’
‘It didn’t look this many in the hotel somehow. Still, I love this room, particularly because the bookcases take up two whole walls so there’s not quite as much paint on show as there might otherwise have been.’
Freya looked around her. ‘Actually, I don’t dislike the colour in here,’ she said, eyeing the damson walls. ‘It’s just that they clash rather with the green carpet, don’t they?’ She got to her feet. ‘Right, come on then. This isn’t going to get them all put away. Are you one of those hideously OCD type of people who has to arrange their books by colour or something weird, or can we just put them all on the shelves?’
‘Fiction and non-fiction?’
Freya picked up the first book. ‘I can cope with that,’ she said.
They worked solidly for the next hour or so, steadily decreasing the number of full boxes.
‘They look nice, don’t they?’ commented Freya. ‘Really homely.’
Merry stood up, stretching her back out a little. ‘I never really feel at home until all the books are out, and this is going to be such a light and airy room, it’ll be a great reading room cum office.’
She squinted at the desk in one corner of the room. ‘That’s going to be my next target,’ she added. ‘Getting the computer set up and, with luck, working. I’m so used to being in touch with everything, I feel a bit lost at the minute. Out of the loop.’
‘You’re not missing the hotel surely? Think about all that stress you’ve left behind, Merry.’
‘I know.’ She sighed. ‘And I don’t miss it, not really…I know we have a huge amount of work to do here, so we’ll still be very busy, but…’
Freya watched her friend, who was anxiously biting her lip now. It was an old habit of hers, and Freya knew the sign well.
She put down the book she was holding. ‘Merry?’ she said gently, ‘what’s wrong?’
To her surprise, Merry burst into tears.
Freya was at her side in an instant, pulling her into a hug; no words, just the comfort of another’s warmth. She stroked Merry’s hair, just as Merry had hers countless times in the past.
‘What’s this really all about? Come on, Merry, tell me.’ She fished a tissue out from up her sleeve. ‘Here, come and sit down.’
Merry raised her head, her cheeks streaked with tears. She moved to pull away, looking over to the baby who was bouncing in her chair, quite contentedly. ‘Robyn…’ she murmured.
‘Is fine,’ said Freya firmly. ‘So no changing the subject. Come on, spill. I won’t leave you alone until you do, so you might as well get it over with.’
Merry wiped away a stream of snot, sniffing loudly, before hiccupping a little.
‘I don’t think I can do this, Freya,’ she started. ‘It’s all my fault, and I…’ She sniffed again.
‘What is, Merry, what’s your fault?’
‘Robyn…I can’t even feed her properly…I’m so hopeless, and all the other mums have no trouble at all, and I know I shouldn’t say it, but I hate it.’ She broke down into choking sobs once more. ‘It’s my fault she’s so tiny.’
‘That’s utter bollocks!’ exclaimed Freya. ‘I’m sorry, but it is. You’re an amazing mum. Look at her, Merry, she’s gorgeous…happy…andshe will adore you whether you continue to breastfeed her or not. She’s pretty much reached the right weight now; you said so yourself. So what if it took her a wee bit longer than some of the other babies, they’re all different, even I know that much.’ She gave Merry’s arm a rub. ‘Give yourself some slack. You’ve just moved, which is one of the most stressful things on the planet, your hormones are probably still all over the place, and now you’ve had mastitis as well.’
‘But I shouldn’t give up, it’s not fair on Robyn.’
