Page 16 of The House at Hope Corner
And of course, it was at that moment that Hannah walked into the kitchen, tutting as she dropped her bag onto the table and pulled off her gloves and scarf before removing her coat. She sighed as she hung it over the back of one of the chairs.
‘Honestly, I don’t know why I bother going to these meetings…’
She stopped and looked up as Flora gave a sniff.
Flora had been on the verge of letting it all go. After all, she was on her own and was expecting to be for some time yet, so what would it have mattered? But now, Hannah’s sudden appearance had caught her out and somehow that made it so much worse. Now she was embarrassed as well as upset and she could feel the dam holding back her emotions beginning to break. She looked anxiously towards the door, wondering whether she had time to fly, but Hannah’s soft exhalation of breath let her know that her tears had been spotted.
‘Flora, dear. Whatever is the matter?’
Hannah was around the table in seconds, quite rightly deducing that Flora was about to burst into noisy tears, but then she paused, looking awkward and unsure what to do next. Flora longed to have Hannah’s arms go around her and be told that everything was all right, but instead she patted her arm and made vague shushing noises.
Flora gulped and held her breath, stifling her tears. Hannah’s reaction felt like a wet blanket and she was clearly so uncomfortable it had an immediate effect on Flora. She drew herself up, nodding.
‘I’m fine, honestly. Sorry, I’m not sure what came over me then… I just got a bit upset and… No, I’m fine now.’ She mustered a weak smile as proof.
Hannah watched her warily as she slowly drew away a chair from the table and motioned for Flora to sit down.
‘Even so, I’ve been thinking that maybe you and I need to have a little chat, so perhaps that time has come…’ She laid a hand on Flora’s arm. ‘I’ll make us a drink, dear, and then you can tell me all about it.’ She got up and crossed to the chair where her coat was hanging, fumbling in the pocket before bringing something back to Flora. ‘Here,’ she said, passing her a tissue. ‘It’s clean. Give your nose a good blow.’
Flora took it gratefully, wondering how much of a state she must look. She’d always been an ugly crier – eyes that puffed up immediately, a nose that turned bright red and cheeks that blotched at the slightest hint of wet.
She shouldn’t even be that upset. What had happened this morning had been entirely her own fault. She had known what needed to be done but she had allowed herself to get sidetracked, and Fraser had every right to say what he had; he’d even tried to be kind about it in his own bluff way. She wasn’t normally so sensitive, but today the mix-up over breakfast had come at the end of a list of things that hadn’t seemed quite right. And now Hannah had said that she’d been wanting to have a chat with her too. What else had she done wrong? She sat, scrubbing at her nose as she waited for Hannah to return to the table.
‘You must feel dreadful, dear,’ said Hannah, sitting down. ‘And I know you’re in love with Ned, but really a lot of this is his fault. I mean, if he had done us the courtesy of telling us what he was planning then we could have made better arrangements for your arrival, talked about the practicalities of you coming to live here so you wouldn’t have been catapulted into the middle of all this. You would have known what was expected of you. I’m not surprised you hate it.’
Flora sniffed. ‘I don’t hate it… You’ve all been lovely, really, and in Ned’s defence, I don’t think he really knew what he was planning… In fact, it wasn’t planned… it just happened. Him and me, I mean.’ She hung her head. ‘Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Makes it sound like it’s not a proper relationship, and it is, honestly.’ She looked up into Hannah’s eyes. ‘I’m not doing a very good job of this, am I?’
Hannah smiled, more gently. ‘Explaining? Or being Ned’s fiancée?’ she asked. ‘But you really don’t need to worry about either of those things. It’s simply a matter of adjustment and understanding how things are; you’ll get used to it. Now, why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what prompted all these tears.’ She pushed a mug of tea towards her.
Flora cradled her hands around it, grateful to have something to focus on while she caught her breath and tried to think of a way to start the conversation. Even though most of her wanted to slink away into her room and not think about anything at all…
‘You and Ned haven’t had a disagreement, have you?’ suggested Hannah.
‘No, nothing like that,’ Flora replied, wondering what to say. ‘But I messed up this morning, and I don’t think Fraser’s very happy with me…’ She trailed off, not wanting to be critical. ‘He wasn’t unkind, it was my fault, after all – I got involved in something and forgot the time so breakfast wasn’t ready when they got in. They had to make do with beans on toast which didn’t go down terribly well and I can understand that… although I really didn’t think it would matter for just one day. Sometimes it’s good to do something a bit different, isn’t it? Not to mention a little healthier.’ She sighed. ‘I just feel so out of place. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a farmer’s wife.’
‘Perhaps you’re being rather hard on yourself, dear. You’re not even married yet, and there’s plenty of time to learn the ropes. After all, being a good wife isn’t something that comes straight away, although you young folk don’t always realise it. Being a farmer’s wife comes with its own set of challenges, admittedly, but essentially it’s much the same and you shouldn’t try to run before you can walk. It takes years of practice, and I should know, I’ve had rather a lot.’
It wasn’t exactly what Flora wanted to hear. What she wanted was more along the lines of ‘she was doing fine and anyway who defined what the archetypal farmer’s wife should be’. But Flora knew she wasn’t going to get that response, because evidently there was such a thing, and it was she, Flora, who needed to change.
‘Which is why I think it’s rather unfair of Ned to simply expect you to slot right in here without even having the opportunity to talk about expectations… from both sides.’ Hannah paused to lick her lips. ‘Under the circumstances you’ve fitted in very well, and I’m very pleased to see your and Ned’s obvious affection for one another, but…’
Here it comes, thought Flora.
‘But… Oh dear, this is going to sound very harsh, and I don’t mean it to at all, but this is still mine and Fraser’s home and we’ve rather got used to doing things a certain way. I’m not sure either of us want that to change.’
Flora dropped her eyes. Because there it was, the crux of the matter. Whatever Flora wanted, whether she and Ned were married or not, this was never going to be her house, to do as she pleased…
‘That said,’ continued Hannah, ‘it really is lovely having you here, so please don’t think you’re not welcome…’ She broke off to pat Flora’s hand. ‘Ned is obviously very happy, and it’s been a long time since there was anyone here who was quite so… colourful, and the flowers too… I can’t remember the last time we had so many in the house. But although I know we’re old stick in the muds, I’m afraid that rather suits us.’
Flora nodded, smiling. There wasn’t much else she could do.
‘And now I’m not being critical, because your artwork is lovely, but perhaps you need to think about whether it’s something that you can continue to pursue? In the longer term… It could well take up rather a large amount of your time; time that you might be better served devoting to something else.’
Flora opened her mouth to speak, but Hannah held up a hand.
‘Now I can see you’d like to argue your case, but I was brought up to believe that a wife’s needs and desires were secondary to her husband’s, which again is not a very popular opinion these days, and more’s the pity.’ She paused to take a sip of tea. ‘The way I look at it is that I am living in my husband’s house, and he’s working hard to put food on the table and provide for me. The same will be true for you and Ned, and any little ones that come along. In my book that means that you do everything you can to support him.’ She looked over the top of her glasses. ‘For example, doing your bit to make sure that you don’t fritter things away and be wasteful around the house.’ She paused for a moment. ‘I couldn’t help noticing that you lit the fire in the dining room.’
Flora looked up, taken aback.
