Page 93 of The Substitute
“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I throw myself back on my bed after we say goodbye and let out a frustrated groan.
“That didn’t sound right. Should we try again?” Ambrose appears in the doorway and winks at me. “Already in position, too? Damn, someone wants it.”
I give him my best bored, straight face. “I have to go to family dinner.”
Ambrose closes the door and moves toward me. I slide up the bed to give him room to lie down since I know that’s what he’s going to do.
“Why is that bad?” He lies down, but instead of using me as a pillow, he pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me.
I sigh into the warmth of his skin and allow myself to take in the comfort. “Because not only is my dumbass brother going to be there, but his boyfriend is too—aka my ex-best friend.”
“He plays for the Gods, right?”
“Ugh. Yes.”
“So lots of talk about your most favorite topic, plus your brother being there, plus the ex-best friend who you don’t want to see. Sounds like I should go with you.”
I lift my head to look at him. “What? You want to go with me?”
Ambrose runs his nose along mine. “Sounds like you could use some moral support.”
“You’re serious? You’d really go with me?”
“Of course I will.” He shrugs, but looks a little uncomfortable. “I just—” He sucks in a deep breath. “I’m not out to the team.”
A little part of me shrivels at the idea of lying about him to everyone. I understand it, but I hate it. Logically, I know it’s protecting his career, but that little voice in my head says he’s ashamed of me.
“Right. You’re my roommate, and I felt bad leaving you behind.” I nod and lie my head back down.
He squeezes me in a tight hug like this isn’t easy for him either. It helps me relax a little. If I want to be with Ambrose,these are the conversations we will have to have. They will be uncomfortable but necessary.
Thursday comes, and I’m dreading it all the way to Queens. I feel a little better with Ambrose with me, but not much.
“Are you going to knock or open the door, or are we just going to stand here admiring the hallway?” Ambrose bumps his shoulder into mine as we stand in front of my parents’ front door. When did this place stop being home?
The dorm isn’t home. This isn’t home. I guess I don’t really have one anymore?
A sharp pain radiates in my breastbone, making me hiss and rub at the spot.
“We don’t have to do this. We can leave.” Ambrose squeezes my hand. I don’t know a lot about his home life, but I know it’s not good. Will he judge me for struggling with this if mine is nothing like his? My parents aren’t abusive. Logically, I know they love me, but it always feels like I’m the backup kid, and that hurts. It’s not Teddy’s fault, I know that too, but I’m so damn tired of trying and being brushed off. Nothing I do seems to matter as much as hockey.
“No, let’s just get this over with.” I open the door and lead the way, dropping off coats and shoes at the door. “Mom? Dad?”
“Tobi!” Mom smiles and comes to give me a hug. She smells like comfort and pot roast. “Hello,” she offers her hand to Ambrose. “You must be Ambrose. I’m Nancy.”
“Thank you for having me,” he says, shaking her hand. He’s all smiles and charming. It’s cute.
“So nice to meet you.” She turns back to me. “The boys are watching the game in the living room. Dinner is almost ready.”
“Do you need any help?” I ask, not wanting to go sit in the damn living room and watch hockey while pretending Ambrose and I didn’t fuck around an hour ago.
“I don’t think so.” She smiles at me again. “Thank you, though.”
I force a smile and nod. The second I’m out of eyeshot, I clench my jaw and lead the way.
Dad is in his chair while Rhys and Teddy are on the couch, both leaning forward with their arms on their knees and their eyes locked on the screen.
A buzzing sounds, and all three of them groan, throwing hands in the air and yelling.
