Page 6 of The Substitute
“Have you gone to any of your classes?” The light behind him is blinding, but I can see him cross his arms and widen his stance, preparing for the fight. I don’t have the energy. Not anymore. What’s the point?
I’m not worth fighting with anyway.
“It’s the first week. Nothing happens the first week anyway.” Wasn’t it? Had it been longer? I can’t even remember. The days have blended together. “Are you my babysitter? Did my momsend you over here, or did you finally realize you haven’t talked to me in weeks? Are you feeling guilty so you storm over here to pat yourself on the back, tell yourself you’re a good friend, you tried. I’m just being unreasonable, right? Being difficult on purpose?”
“It’s more than that…” Rhys trails off.
“Then why haven’t you spoken to me in weeks?” Maybe I shouldn’t be such an ass, but I can’t stop myself. Every time I see him, my chest feels like it’s cracking open.
“I thought maybe you needed space…”
“Fuck off and leave me alone.” I roll away from him, facing the wall to choke back the tears. Doesn’t he realize seeing him makes it worse?
“Tobi,” he starts.
“Hey, man, your new roommate is here.” Clive, one of my roommates from last year, says from the doorway.
“New roommate?” I push on my eyes and try to remember what he’s talking about. We have another three-room dorm this year with a common area and bathroom we share. “What happened to Kyle?”
There’s silence for a beat, but I don’t move. I don’t really care.
“Uh, his grandma got sick, so he’s taking a year off, went back home.” Clive replies, kinda triggering my memory.
I flick my gaze to the empty bed I barely notice and cringe internally. I don’t want to share my damn room.
“Right.” It’s all I’ve got. I can’t deal with all this right now. I’ve barely made it to classes, and I’m already behind.
“Tobi, go meet your roommate. Don’t be a dick to him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.” Rhys’ chastising makes me want to swing at him, but that also takes more energy than I have.
“Why are you still here?” I demand, forcefully rolling over, grabbing my glasses, and shoving to my feet. If he won’t leave, I will. Whatever makes this stop.
“Because my best friend isn’t okay, that’s why.”
“That didn’t seem to bother you too much when you were lying to my face about fucking my brother.” I scoff and shoulder past him. Like he cares. I see the clench of his jaw and the urge to grab for me, but he doesn’t. Is that better or worse? Some best friend.
But I’m not his best friend. I haven’t been in a long time, and that hurts more than I want to explore right now.
Clive quickly moves out of the way as I leave the room, and I immediately regret it. It’s so fucking bright out here. And I feel gross. When was the last time I showered or changed my clothes? What an embarrassment I am. No wonder I don’t have any friends. I’m disgusting and selfish. When was the last time I reached out to check on someone else? No idea. Also hard to do when you don’t have anyone to check in on.
Discomfort inches over my body until I’m acutely aware of everything. The way my shorts hang off my hips, the seams of my shirt under my arms, the crumby hardwood under my feet, and the hair in my face.
A hulk of a man has his back to me, meeting the other guys we share the common space with. The front of a stupid hockey ball cap is pointed at me, along with a broad back covered in muscle.
Jesus.
Clive clears his throat, and he turns. Sweat is dripping down his chest to his abdomen, and there’s a dirt smudge on his cheek and a stupid grin on his face. Of course he’s hot. I fucking hate my life.
“Oh, shit. Hey.” The smile on his face falters when I finally lift my head to meet his gaze.
My entire world zeros in on him, blurring everything around us.
Cold, dread-filled embarrassment drips into my stomach and through my veins.
Oh God, no.
Not him.
Anyone but him.
