Page 40 of The Substitute
I love that he’s already getting pink. “Now, let’s go back to our conversation.”
“We don’t have to do that.” Tobi avoids my eyes.
I ignore his objection. “How did you word it? You want me to explain to you how telling you what to do works?”
He nods without looking at me.
“What part of it?”
He mutters something indistinguishable and shrugs.
I stare at him until he says more.
“Ugh.” He lays his head back on the chair, muttering while he’s looking at the ceiling. “I don’t know. All of it? Any of it?”
“What part is confusing?” I brush my fingers over his thigh letting him take his time, perfectly happy to sit here with him all night.
“How do you just tell someone else what to do? Wouldn’t that…I don’t know…get abusive?” He looks at me as he finishes the sentence, and he’s so raw and so innocent, I almost laugh.
Not because it’s funny, but because he’s so cute, I want to squeeze him. But I’d never risk hurting him when he’s being so open and vulnerable. I want to encourage it.
“It can. I think a lot of relationship dynamics can get abusive when trust is involved. I also think only disgusting people take advantage of those situations.”
He picks up his head and returns his attention to his melting ice cream. “Trust is fucking hard.”
“It is. But you can tell me no, even when I’m telling you what to do. All I’m offering is to take the asking out of your hands.”
He considers my words for a minute. “I can just tell you no?”
“Of course you can. Why wouldn’t you be able to?” I watch him carefully, not sure what gave him that idea. If it was me, I need to know because I never need to come off that way.
“Isn’t this like submission?”
“Yes, I guess, in its most basic form, but I wasn’t trying to push you into something like that. I’m only trying to make this easier for you.” I finish my cone and wipe my hands with a napkin before setting one on his thigh.
He glances at my hand and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Can’t focus?” I ask.
Tobi swallows. “It certainly makes it harder.” I lift my hand, but he whines, so I put it back. “I didn’t say I didn’t want it there! It just makes it harder.”
I smirk and squeeze his thigh. “So why wouldn’t you be able to say no even if it is submission?” I ask.
“Don’t they have to do everything their dom says?” He’s looking at me now, fully engaged. “Because I don’t want that.”
“That’s not at all how that works.”
“What? No, that literally is how it works. They are submitting.”
I slip a finger under his chin, tilting his face up just a little, keeping him like this so he hears my words. “Only a shitty dom has to force a sub to do anything. If a dominant isn’t seducing his submissive into wanting every single thing he’s asking for, sorry, but he’s not doing his job. Even when they are pushing a sub, they should be coaxing and making the sub desperate for it. At least that’s how I see it. I want you to feel good and enjoy yourself. I want you happy. Not doing things to only make me happy. You’re worth so much more than that. That’s fucked.”
Tobi morphs right in front of my eyes. He tries to hide it, but I watch it happen in real time. He’s a little teary-eyed, and his pupils dilate. His skin gets a little clammy, and his teeth catch his lip. “I didn’t know any of that.”
“But you want something like that, don’t you?”
“Yes. When you explain it that way, it’s not how I thought it was.”
I slide my hand further up his thigh. “I want you to tell me the second you don’t like anything I’m doing. I get off on you enjoying yourself.”
