Page 135 of The Substitute
No.
I know that was the right thing to do, and even if he breaks up with me, that’s my own fault. I did the right thing for both of them, even if it means they are meant to be and not Tobi and me.
“You leaving?” Lovelace asks.
“Stop with the fucking mind reading!”
I didn’t leave, as much as I wanted to, I finished the game. We lost. I hate myself for it, but I allow myself to grieve all that hockey has taken from me after the game. I still love the game. I always will. I was raised in arenas and on the ice. I’ve been skating as long as I could walk. Playing is like breathing, but I’ve found new life in medicine and now Tobi.
I hope I haven’t ruined it before it’s even fully started.
Thankfully, Boston to NYC isn’t a long flight, and we land pretty early the next morning. I make Lovelace take my bag home and head right from the airport to Tobi’s. Standing at his door, I hesitate to knock. I have to make peace with the fact that he might not want to see me.
I finally knock, and it’s no surprise when my step-brother opens the door.
“He doesn’t want to see you.”
“I know.”
“Why’d you tell him?” I ask at length because it’s been eating at me, too.
“Because he deserves to know, and you weren’t telling him.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “Had to win that bad? I told him to talk to you.” I want to tell him how much I fought for him, how I’ve always had his back, but he sees me as the enemy when none of it was my fault. If I could have stopped his dad myself, I would have, but we were both just fucking kids.
“It’s not about winning.” He shakes his head. “He told me.”
I nod. Do I give up? Leave? Fight? Wait for him to call me? I can’t make him talk to me if he doesn’t want to. My heart is so heavy.
“Tell him I said I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” Tobi says from behind Ambrose.
“I didn’t even see you there.”
“Ambrose is a good shield.”
I wince. “Is this it?”
“I don’t know, Savage…wait, it’s not a nickname is it?”
“No.”
“It’s your last name.” Tobi shakes his head. “I’m so stupid. How did I not see it.”
“You didn’t care that Ambrose is a hockey player.” It’s stupid to pick this fight, but I have to say something. I can’t just let him go without a fight.
“I did care, but I got over it. And he didn’t hide it from me!” Tobi shoves between Ambrose and the door frame to face me. He doesn’t look good—like he’s been crying.
“I didn’t hide it. Not really.”
“You lied to me every time you went out of town for a game!”
“No, I did not! I never said where I was. Just said I was busy. Go through our messages. Every time I said I was at an interview, I was. I would never lie to you.”
“How can I trust you?” Tobi asks.
“I don’t know. I want to earn your trust back.”
