Page 119 of The Substitute
“What did he tell you?”
“Just that he’s worried and asked if I could get back here. You never did tell me what’s going on with you two.” He presses his lips to my forehead.
“It’s stupid.” Or at least it feels that way now.
“Your feelings aren’t stupid.”
“I don’t even know what happened. We were at dinner at my parents’ house, and he was defending Teddy, and I’m just tired of everyone drinking the light that shines out of my brother’s ass.”
Savage laughs a little. “I’m sure your brother annoys him.”
“I know. Are you going to tell me to dump him?” I don’t want him to say that, and guilt eats at me for feeling that way. Savage has been so good to me.
“I’d never tell you who to be with.”
“Don’t you want me to yourself?”
“Of course I do—I’m greedy. But I can tell how you feel about him, and I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t want to see you hurting.”
“But you do want me to yourself?” I clarify.
“How could I not want every minute of your free time?” He wraps his massive limbs around me, pinning me to his chest.
“But it’s more than just that.” I sigh, not wanting to open up and explain but knowing I have to.
“Then what else was it?” He plays with my hair, helping me relax.
“He introduced himself to my parents as my roommate, and that just soured the whole tone of the night.”
“You know he can’t come out, right?”
“Why not? It’s just hockey. They’ll get over it.”
“It’s so much more than that. He’s been forced to have a complicated relationship with his sexuality and was never able to be open about it.” Savage kisses my forehead. “He wasn’t lucky like you and I were with accepting parents.”
“What do you mean?” Does he mean the Catholic school Ambrose was forced to go to? Did his dad know about the horrible shit they did that Ambrose can’t even talk about? How much does Savage know about it?
“It’s not my story to tell. You have to ask him about it. But there is a lot weighing on his shoulders with the NHL and how he was raised. I think in this instance, you don’t have all the data either.”
How did I not put it together that Ambrose would have religious trauma complicating his beliefs about himself and his sexuality?Now I feel like a total dick, and I hate myself a little.
Savage caresses under my chin with his knuckle and brushes my nose with his. “Whatever is going on in your head, it’s not true.” His lips press against mine, and it’s the final push I need to let myself go. I grip his jacket in my hands and pull him insidethe room. He holds the back of my neck and walks me backward toward my bed, pushing me onto it when we find it.
He’s breathing hard as he stands over me, licking his bottom lip and running a hand through his hair. “I’m going to feed you, cuddle you, and if you behave, maybe I’ll make you come. In that order.”
“An orgasm would be a much better distraction than a movie.” I cross my arms and glare at him.
“Have you eaten today?”
“That is not the point.”
“It’s exactly my point. Get your laptop and turn something on,” he demands.
“You’re really annoying.”
He smirks at me, and it makes everything below my belly button pay attention. “I’ll remember that the next time you’re begging to come.”
“Who says you’ll be involved next time?” My cheeks flush hot since that came out differently than I meant it.
