Page 102 of The Substitute
“I enjoy penetration, yes, but I think it’s best if we wait for that.”
“Why?!” He’s frustrated, so I have to be careful.
“Because I can tell it’s a big deal to you, even though we’ve had sex. Penetration is bigger, and I don’t want the first time it happens to ever be a regret for you.”
“I don’t want to be treated like a doll and put on a pedestal where I’m untouchable because I can’t be hurt.”
I choose my words carefully. “I’m not doing that, and I never want you to feel that way. I just don’t want the memory of your first time to be that it happened because you fought with mybrother and especially not because you want to forget or use it to zone out. I need you fully present here with me when we do that.”
He huffs but is clearly conceding my point. “Fine.”
“Don’t ‘fine’ me. Do you want me to suck your cock while I fuck you with my fingers?”
His eyes light up. “That’s an option?”
“I told you there were lots of ways to make you come we haven’t tried.”
THIRTY-THREE
TOBI
Savage made me come three times before he made me sleep. It’s early now, and I feel better, more rational, but guilt has started to drag me down. I hate the way I acted last night. I hate that I’m pushing Ambrose away.
Savage groans, rolling over to collect me in his arms. “Your brain is very loud for so early in the morning.”
“Why can everyone hear my brain?!”
“It’s loud?” he says, clearly still half asleep.
I lean into him, trying not to disturb him.
“Thank you,” I whisper after awhile, not sure I want him to hear the words threatening to choke me.
“For what?”
That’s harder to explain. ‘Everything’ isn’t really an answer, but it’s true. I shrug, not knowing how to tell him that it means so much to me that he hasn’t gotten sick of me yet. That he’s not annoyed by my insecurities or anxieties or whatever.
“For—” I cut myself off and bury my face farther into his neck. “For not getting tired of me, I guess.”
“Why would I get tired of you?” There’s no judgement in his tone, just curiosity.
“I’m a lot, and I’m stubborn and difficult.”
“Are you?” Savage runs his fingers into my hair that desperately needs a cut, but I haven’t had the brain capacity for. “Who told you that?”
“No one had to tell me. I know I am.” I mumble against his skin, wishing I could stop myself but it’s so hard.
“They’re wrong.” I feel the shoulder shrug more than see it. “And you’re wrong.” He wraps his hand around my throat, tilting my head up so he can kiss me.
“History has shown that I’m correct, and you are the outlier.”
“Maybe you were running the test on the wrong data set.”He makes me hard when he says smart things, but I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“The wrong data set?” I sit up, trying to work through it. “You mean, my family, my peers, the general population that I’ve had regular interactions with my entire life? What other data set should I be running tests on?”
“Okay, fair, maybe your parameters need some fine tuning.” He sits up and pulls me into his lap.
“Which parameters would those be?” I can feel myself getting defensive.
