Page 117 of Bad Seed
He doesn’t answer my ludicrous question.
“To the casino?”
Aubry purses his lips and gives a curt nod.
“Why the fuck do you want to go back there? They’ll kill you.”
“Probably.”
“No. No, no, no. You are… Are you insane? I will not let you do that.”
“Sadie…” The car comes to a jerking stop in front of the door I ran out of to find him. I stare through it, knowing what he wants me to do.
“No. It’s one thing to tell me you have to leave because your body might kill me. It’s a whole other to say that you’re going out in a hail of bullets and glory!”
“The Brassicas know what’s coming. Ato’s walking into a trap. I have to warn them.”
This is insane. “They tried tokillus. They’ve been hunting you for months. Why do they deserve your help?”
“Because…they’re family.”
I snort. “This is not the fucking Olive Garden.”
He doesn’t laugh. “I left you a note explaining all of this. Along with some money to help you get home. Start a life. Be happy.”
“Aubry…”
“All I ask is that you take Astin. Give him a good home. He’s been through a lot, and he deserves love.” Aubry presses the button on my seatbelt. I almost grab it to shove it back in when he reaches across me. His hand lands on the door handle just as he finally looks at me. “I’m sorry.”
The door opens.
A cold wind cuts through the air.
“This is the only way. They’ll forget about you. Let you live your life, safe. In peace. I’m trying to keep you alive…please.”
I stare out the car door.
“If there was no mob war, if your jizz didn’t kill me, if we were just two people who happened to meet at a bar, what would you do right now?”
He closes his eyes and sighs. “Does it matter?”
“Yes. Yes, it does.”
A slow breath tumbles from his creaking lungs. “I’d cut the seatbelt out of the car and use it to tie you to the headboard. Then I’d fuck you until they kick us, find a new hotel, and fuck you all night long again.”
“Then what?”
“This isn’t a game!” he thunders as if he’s at war with his wants and needs.
Calmly, I stare up at him to ask. “Then what?”
“Then I…I take you bowling. I make you lumpia every weekend. I hold you in my arms every night, and wake you up with bitter dark coffee every morning. I fucking love you. For the first time I can let myself love you!”
For a brief second, tears form in his eyes. But he blinks them away and stares out the windshield. “None of it matters. It’s just a fantasy. Go. Go home. Please…”
I stare out the open door realizing the winds have shifted. Instead of freezing me, a warm breeze touches my skin and I sigh. He’s trying to keep me safe, as he’s been doing since the day we met on the bar floor. I can feel it in my heart that it’s tearing himself up to protect me.
My foot lands on the pavement and Aubry’s body goes slack.
