Page 84 of Bad Seed
Because I put myself in the hospital. Because of my fucking allergy that I keep failing at.
“Ma’am?” The realtor stares at me.
I force on a smile and shake my head. “No, thank you. I…I need to go.”
Numb from my eyebrows down, I manage to fall into my driver’s seat and ram my knee into the console. It doesn’t hurt. Clear-eyed, I pull out of the driveway and back to the road.
He’s gone.
He lied.
He never wanted me in his life. Just on his cock.
Just like all the rest.
I stare up at my rearview mirror, watching his house with the white marble statue and ten foot hedges fade into the distance. My body is cold.
He doesn’t like me.
He could never love me.
My phone rings, my mother calling back. I reach to answer it when a truck pulls out in front of me. Slamming on the brakes, the car skids to a crawl just missing ramming into the back. But the momentum sends the gift basket tumbling off the seat.
As two whisks roll into a can of banana sauce, I begin to bawl.
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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
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SADIE
Where are you?
What happened?
Is something wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
I fucking hate you.
I miss you.
My eyes blur as I hold my phone out at arm’s length, wishing that if I somehow blink the right way or cross them, it’ll change. He’ll respond, explain what’s going on. How it’s all some big misunderstanding, and we’ll have a laugh.
Nothing.
It’s like he never even existed.
Like I, in some lonely and psychotic breakdown, invented this hot, gigantic, rich man who worships my body morning, noon, and night. I could almost believe it, if Lucy didn’t keep asking where he is.
The phone slips from my fingers and splats onto my chest.
It’d be better if I was crazy. If he was a figment of my mind then I could just imagine him here, laying in my bed, rolling my ponytail in his fist until he pulls me up for a kiss. I strain my head back and hear the tell-tale crinkle of an empty chip bag.
My bed is a garbage heap of sorrows. For six days, I’ve lived in it like a heartbroken sparrow that builds its nest with barbed wire. The only time I’ve left is to go to the bathroom or for work. I can’t talk to anyone.
