Page 49 of Why Cheese?
They’re not moldy, just finely aged. Though one can be quite sour.
I press my tongue between my teeth so hard it aches. The longer Josh gives me that ‘you can’t be this stupid’ look, the more my resolve wavers. “I’ll draw up the paperwork and we’ll plan for an open house on Sunday. Agreed?”
“Uh…”
“Agreed?” he insists and thrusts out his hand. I close my eyes. My gut’s telling me to go along with it so he doesn’t hate me.
“Good morning!” Cheddy’s exuberant voice cuts through the shop. “What’s for dinner?”
“Quick, Brie, stop him before he eats all of our meals.” Cam rises to his feet and I catch his eye just behind one of the pillars. He winks and raises his arms toward me. When I shake my head, he furrows his brow, then peers out.
“It seems we are not alone tonight,” Cam says.
“What?” Brie cries out, halfway into his falafel sandwich. One by one, all three of them spot Josh in his slick suit and tie turning to face them. “Eep!” Brie dives behind the counter to cover himself.
Cam plays a coy peekaboo with the pillar to hide himself. Cheddy holds a bag of tacos just before his crotch.
“Who are you?” Josh asks slowly.
“Hello!” Cheddy shouts and he drops the bag, revealingallof him to the suddenly stunned realtor.
“Why are you naked?” Josh cries out. He slams his hands to the side of his eyes and turns away.
“Why aren’t you?” Cam taunts. “It’s a freeing state of being.” He languidly stretches his arms above his head, then widens his stance and reaches for one leg all while staring at Josh. “No clothes to hinder your movements, or come between you and the sweet kiss of…nature.”
“What in the hell is wrong with you?” Josh thunders, his face tomato red.
“That is a long discussion I fear we don’t have the hours for.”
“Where the hell did you come from?”
“Oh, that’s simple. We were on the floor.” Cam crosses his arms over his chest. While it hides his nipples, it leaves his, um,cheese log and babybelsfreely swinging.
Josh is reaching nuclear meltdown fast. “Why the shit were you down there?”
Cheddy leaps onto Cam and exclaims, “Because we’re cheese—”
“They’re contractors!” I shout over him. “They’re helping me fix this place up. And that’s why they were on the floor. Checking floorboards. In the back. You didn’t see them come in. Because they were hunched over. On the floor.”It all makes total sense.
“Contractors?” Josh asks me point blank. “Then why are they naked?”
“So they don’t get their clothes all sweaty?” I throw my hands up into the air and wince.
I can see the internal math playing out in Josh’s head. On one hand, three naked men came out of nowhere. On the other, a cut of five million dollars. He shakes his head and chooses the latter. “Well, at least they’re doing a good job, even if it seems dangerous to operate power tools while nude.”
“You don’t want to accidentally crack your nuts with a hammer,” Cheddy adds to the conversation.
Josh doesn’t acknowledge that thought at all. “Do you believe you’ll have this place ready to go in two days?”
“I mean, probably?” Cheddy says glancing at a shrugging Cam.
It’s Brie who takes over. He steps closer to us, though he’s mercifully dressed. “Why? What’s the rush?”
I try to wave my hand to get Josh to stop, but he loudly proclaims, “For the open house on Sunday.”
“No.”
Every person in the room freezes at that single, commanding syllable. A tuft of blue hair towers above the shelves and Roq storms into the room. “There will be no open house. Not this Sunday, nor any Sunday after.”
