Page 52 of Deception and Desire
“I—I’m worried that after a month, Lachlan might…” Her eyes searched Rose’s in the mirror. “I’m an addle pate, I know, but what if he changes his mind?”
“The man is smitten. Can you not see it? He’s not playing with your heart. He wants to capture it.”
“Hmph! A schoolboy is smitten. I was smitten with the gardener when I was nine. That’s not love.” She hated the petulance in her voice, the battle between the certainty of his affection and old insecurities that niggled at her brain.
“Stop remembering the past and embrace the future.” Rose bent low, her golden cheek against Fenella’s pale one. “He loves you, even if he hasn’t said the words yet. You’ll see.”
“I hope so.” She leaned her head back against Rose and closed her eyes. “And what of you and Colin?”
“He’s a fine man,” the maid responded lightly, crimson staining her cheeks. “I care for him but do not see a future for us. So, I’ll enjoy his attentions while we are here.”
“Why would you say that? He certainly doesn’t come every week to see Grandmama and me!” She reached up and stopped Rose’s hand in midstroke. “What is it? What is onyourmind?”
Her friend blinked several times, and Fenella saw the shimmer of unshed tears. She stood and took the brush from Rose’s grip. Leading her to the bed, they sat side by side on the mattress. “Now tell me what has happened to make you cry when thinking of Colin. What did he say?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. He’s been so kind, and I couldn’t ask for a dearer man.”
“Then what is it?”
“You know he lost his wife and a son in childbirth.” She wrung her hands and wiped at her eyes. “I-I don’t think I can have children. He deserves to have a wifeanda family.”
“How do you know you’re barren?” This was unexpected. Rose had never mentioned it before. But then, Rose had always been very vague about her past life and family.
“My menses are very sporadic. I may have only three or four a year. The physician said I would have a hard time conceiving, if I was able to have a child at all.” She turned dark, desperate eyes to Fenella. “He’s finally opening his heart again. I cannot ask him to settle for half a woman.”
She hugged this dear friend who’d been like an older sister to her. “First, you are not half a woman because you are unable to bear children. Second, it’s as much Colin’s decision as yours, don’t you think? What have you always told me?”
“Do not fret over things out of your control. Focus your energy on what is within your power.” Rose gave her a watery smile. “It seems I’ve helped raise a wise lady.”
Fenella went to bed with yellow petals tucked in her shift and a vine of flowers beneath her pillow. Rose’s often-repeated advice had given both women a sense of calm. Lachlan was a good man and a force to be reckoned with. If he were her destiny, nothing and no one could stop him. She leaned back against the pillow and drifted off with a smile on her lips and the sweet bouquet of honeysuckle invading her dreams.
*
July 1819
MacNaughton Castle, Highlands
Lachlan heard thehowl long before he saw the canine. The castle loomed before them, the ancient round tower set against a rectangular stone keep added centuries later. The aged stone and ancient arrow slits at the top of the structure gave way to larger windows and more internal light on the lower floors. Though often an imposing sight to visitors, Lachlan called it home. Another mournful yowl and Brownie came into view. She loped easily down the lane, a mewl of pleasure rumbling from her throat.
“Ah, my sweet pup, come to me.”
He dismounted in the outer courtyard and patted his chest, bracing himself for the furry paws that hit his shoulders. A wet tongue trailed up his neck and face. She moaned with pleasure as he scratched the wiry fur behind her ears and down her neck. “Aye, I’m home, I’m home.”
“Weel, I hope ye give me and yer sister such a fine welcome.” He looked around the brownish-gray head and saw his mother. Glynnis MacNaughton wiped her hands on a clean apron, her auburn hair shining brown and gold in the sun. “Come give me a proper hello, Son.”
Brownie padded behind him, keen gold eyes following his every move. Her deep bark announced to the entire grounds that her master had arrived. Lachlan embraced his mother tightly as he lifted her off her feet. “I missed ye, Ma,” he said and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
“Ye missed my cooking, I’d wager. Come in. We’ve fresh bread and marmalade to keep ye happy until supper.” Her blue eyes sparkled with humor. “Brigid even made berry tarts with cream.”
“Brigid was in the kitchen? The Lord Almighty must have pushed her through the threshold.”
“I heard that, ye decrepit swine,” called the girl in question from the door. “Not home five minutes and ye’re already insulting the women of the family.” She ran toward them and threw herself into his arms.
He wrapped her in a bear hug and swung her around, enjoying the laughter in his ear. “Let me look at ye, my Highland heathen. What kind of bargain made ye agree to spend time in the kitchen?”
Her green eyes narrowed, and she tossed back the mane of fiery red hair. “Ye think ye ken me so well, do ye?”
He crossed his arms, waiting.
