Like mother, like daughter. Two peas in a frozen pod of nerves.
‘Hey, Sadie! Over here!’
I turn towards the shout and spot Rachael waving at us. She’s already settled at a table beside the toddler zone – a jug of squash, cups, water bottles, and the dregs of ketchup-smeared chips in front of her. How long has she been here?
Judging by the red-faced sweat on Joshua as he clambers out of the ball pit, long enough. He waves from the edge as we join Rachael, then launches himself back in headfirst.
I give a laugh that almost sounds normal. ‘Stuntman in the making.’
‘Tell me about it.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Hey, Lottie, I’m Rachael. Your mummy’s told me all about you, and my Josh is so excited to meet you.’
Lottie leans into me but flashes a shy smile.
‘Are you looking forward to having some fun?’
She nods but doesn’t let go of my hand.
‘Charlene’s on her way,’ Rachael says to me. ‘She got caught up in a nappy explosion of apocalyptic proportions.’
‘Oh God, I don’t envy that one,’ I say, trying to encourage Lottie towards the pit, but her feet have grown roots.
‘Tell you what, Lottie,’ Rachael says, spying my struggle. ‘My Josh knows every inch of this place now. Shall I get him to show you the funnest bits?’
Lottie nods more eagerly this time, and Rachael calls him over.
He bounds up to us, bursting out, ‘Hiya!’
‘Josh, this is Lottie. The friend I told you about.’
Without hesitation, he turns to her, hand out. ‘Wanna come on the spinny thing with me? It’s cool!’
Lottie hesitates, glancing at me.
I crouch beside her. ‘It’s okay, baby. I’ll be right here. Just wave if you need me.’
She smiles and releases my hand to grab Joshua’s instead, and they toddle off towards a padded merry-go-round being spun by several sugar-fuelled toddlers. I wince, waiting for her to baulk. But she doesn’t. She lets Josh help her on and giggles as they take off together.
My little girl is in.
The breath I didn’t know I was holding rushes out of me.
‘She always shy at first?’ Rachael asks as I take a seat.
‘It’s her first time in a place like this,’ I say, watching Lottie’s face light up in real time.
Rachael lifts a brow. ‘Three years without soft play? You deserve a bloody medal.’
I laugh and it’s surprisingly easy. Her words simple, unweighted by our past and what wehavesurvived. And it feels good. Like a clean slate. To be seen for who I am now, not where I’ve been.
‘Ladies!’ Charlene bursts in with a giant mum bag and a theatrical sigh. ‘We need to invent a nappy that can survive a toddler tsunami. We’d be billionaires.’
She flops down beside us as Parker runs ahead, joining Lottie and Joshua just as they tumble off the roundabout like mini drunks. All three dissolve into giggles – happy, tangled, and gloriously unaware of us watching on.
Conversation flows around the table… Snacks. Sleep regressions. Tantrums. Teething. It’s all about the everyday, and it’s everything. Not just for me, but for Lottie too.
She’s finally just a kid, living her life.
And I get to be just her mum.