Page 35 of Filthy Rich Temptation
God, I do.
But the words sit like stones in my throat.
‘You can tell me anything,’ he says gently. ‘And I’ll listen. No judgement. No fixing. Just… listen.’
I chew the corner of my mouth, eyes drifting back to the roses. To Lottie.
I believe him. It’s not that I don’t.
It’s just that I’ve spent so long judging myself, I don’t know how to talk about it without breaking down all over again.
Silence settles between us, but not the uncomfortable kind. Just space. Space to think. To feel. To breathe.
And then I spot a piece of my past in the garden ahead…
‘I used to come here before,’ I say quietly. ‘I’d sit on that bench over there and vlog about the dumbest stuff – eyeshadow palettes, lipstick shades, skincare routines.’ I let out a breath, tinged with laughter and memory. ‘I once reviewed a highlighter that looked like sparkly mayonnaise. Smelt like it too.’
He gives a small chuckle. ‘Bold choice.’
‘You could say that. In fact, I probably did.’ I smile with him. ‘I used to love it. Talking to the camera. Playing around with different media. Chatting with my followers.’
‘I remember your YouTube channel.’
‘You do?’ I blink. I don’t know whether to be surprised, self-conscious, or quietly touched. He was hardly my target audience.
‘Yeah. You had quite a following.’
I did, but…
‘Youwatchedit?’
He glances away, and for a second, I swear his cheeks flush pink – unless it’s just the sun catching up with him and playing tricks on me.
‘I saw bits…’ he says.
‘Did you think I was flaunting myself too?’
‘What?’ His eyes snap back to mine. ‘No.’
Of course he wouldn’t. But… a soft breath slips past my lips. ‘Danny did.’
I drop my gaze to the grass beside me, staring at the blades as I pluck them from the dirt – trying to hide from Theo and from the flashing images I can’t escape. I stare and stare, because I won’t let another tear drop. Not in Danny’s name. I won’t.
‘He hated it. And the more successful I got, the more followers I gained, the more he hated it. Didn’t matter that it brought in money. All he saw was me selling myself for attention and embarrassing him in the process.’
Theo mutters something sharp under his breath – too low for me to catch.
‘That’s why you shut it down, isn’t it? Why it disappeared? Your channel?’
So he noticed that too… Something flickers warm and fragile in my chest as I nod.
‘But by then, I’d stopped enjoying it anyway. I was always on edge, terrified he’d walk in mid-shoot and flip out, or he’d see it later and tear it apart.’
My throat tightens, the memories in free fall, my words with them.
‘I figured if I just took the vlog away, took that trigger away, things would get better. Go back to how they were, when he was more loving than…’ I swallow, shake my head. ‘He just found other things to get angry about. The comments that used to revolve around my videos started spilling into the everyday. At first, I thought I was imagining it – the way the air shifted if I laughed too loudly, spoke too much, said something he didn’t like… I kept thinking, maybe if I was quiet, if I kept myself small…’ My voice thins with my breath ‘…then maybe he wouldn’t get mad. Maybe he wouldn’t break things, he wouldn’t…’
…break me.
