Page 153 of Beyond the Blue Horizon
I set the bags onto the floor so I could kneel in front of him, and I ran my fingers through the soft locks of his nearly white hair.
“I have a happy heart, too.” I whispered it low.
I could feel Nelly peering at me from where she was chopping something at the counter in the kitchen.
“I bet I know why you have a happy heart.” Innuendo colored her voice. “Did that charmer show up to give you a ride home?”
Heat hit my cheeks, and I attempted to hide the smile that wanted to break free as I pushed back to standing and wound out of my coat. “Oh, he showed up, alright, but he didn’t give me a ride. Hebroughtme a ride.”
Confusion quirked her brow. “He brought you a ride?”
“Yep, a rental, you know, since hefiguredI was going to need it to get around. And it’s ridiculously fancy.”
I might as well dish it. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to notice the car that was suddenly sitting in the bay attached to our cabin.
She cast me some wry, victorious grin, like I’d finally caught up to something that she’d been clued into all along.
She continued chopping, pieces of her gray hair sticking out of its twist as she muttered under her breath, “That one’s a keeper.”
Uncertainty flickered and flew, and I hoisted Finn into my arms, hugging him tight, loving the feel of his weight as I carried him through the living room and around the end of the long counter where Nelly stood.
“I’m worried you might be dreaming too big, Nelly.” I brushed my free hand over the top of Finn’s head like it might offer me peace as I pushed into our reality.
She shook her head as she scooped the potatoes she’d diced into a pot. “No dreams are too big, Piper. It’s when you lose sight of them that you get stuck or just plain lost.”
“Or maybe you can still see them hanging out in front of you, but your mistakes are so grave, you’re forever cut off from them, and the only thing they become is temptation.” It tremored off my tongue like a confession.
Sorrow weaved through Nelly, and she set the knife aside and turned to fully look at me. “Is that what you really think? That any of this was your fault?”
Grief tremored through my insides. The loss so severe that my lungs closed off. “You know that it was.”
Her head shook. “No, Piper. You were blinded.”
“I was a fool.”
A heavy stream of air blew from her nose, and she wavered as she carefully chose her words. “You were young and thought you were in love?—”
Fear streaked through my being.
Love.
That’s what I was so freaking afraid of.
“I didn’t think I was in love, Nelly. But I was caught up. Caught up in a feeling.”
Her head shook. “You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
How could I not when the consequences were eternal?
“I just…”
She reached out and set her hand on my forearm. “I know you can never forget what happened or ignore what we’re going through, but I want you to answer something honestly. I want you to tell me what it is you really want. If none of those things were a factor.”
I squeezed Finn tighter. The cotton candy scent coming from his hair offered me the barest sense of comfort. I pressed my nose into it as I whispered, “I want a life. I want stability. Safety. A home.”
“And why are you so afraid of chasing after those things?” she pressed.
Hot tears blurred my eyes, and I warred, a ball of sorrow and hope fighting for dominance in my chest. I finally spoke around it. “I’m afraid of being broken all over again. Afraid of repeating every mistake I’ve ever made.”
