Page 185 of Beyond the Blue Horizon
Walls reverberating with it.
Joy and happiness.
Even though I could never have a direct tap into it.
“Fuckin’ cute, yeah?” Otto mused, quiet enough that I was the only one who could hear as he elbowed me in the arm from where he rested against the counter beside me.
“Yeah.” No use in trying to deny it.
He seemed to contemplate as he took a swig of his beer before he lowered the glass. “No shame in it, you know. What you’re feeling.”
My spirit thrashed.
He was wrong.
That’s all that there was in it.
Shame.
The truth that I wanted something so fucking bad that I’d lost all sense of devotion.
My will bending and buckling.
So close to breaking.
My head barely shook. “Think you know better than that.”
Air huffed from his nose. “What I know is you’ve been holding onto a guilt for something that wasn’t your fault for far too long. Beating yourself the fuck up when you don’t carry the blame.”
My insides roiled.
Didn’t carry the blame?
“Pretty sure I’m responsible for everything.”
I brought her into that world. Made her a piece of who I was.
Then I turned my back on her when she needed me most. Left her to the fucking wolves.
“She never would have gotten involved if it wasn’t for me.”
Otto buzzed with discomfort, and he scuffed a hand over the top of his head. “We all fucked up back then, Theo. We all were involved in shit that made us monsters. But the thing is, we have the choice to stay stuck right there in the mud or move on from it. Be fucking better human beings.”
“It’s not that easy.”
Disbelief filled the slow shake of his head. “You think what I went through was easy?” he challenged.
My stomach fisted.
I knew what that life had cost him.
What he lost.
His own blame he carried over his sister.
“And I could let that destroy everything I’ve been given,” he continued. “I could turn my back on the love that Raven offered me. Hurt her more than I already did. And it still wouldn’t absolve what happened to Haddie.”
Hope wound with his bitterness and pain.
