Page 72 of Dearly Unbeloved
I don’t disagree with that, but it doesn’t help my point, so I’m not addressing it. “Even if no one believes Rose and I love each other, I don’t see what difference that makes. We have the money, and her promotion is more or less a done deal.”
“I didn’t say no onebelievesyou. I said no onebelievedyou,” Kyo says with a smug smile. “After seeing the two of you together in person? I have no doubts that you have real feelings for each other.”
An exasperated growl escapes my throat. “I’m telling you we don—you know what, it doesn’t matter. It’s a moot point. Because even if I did have feelings for her—and I’m not saying I do”—“You do,” Kyo interrupts—“We have an agreement. And that agreement comes to an end this month. Besides, any feelings are entirely one-sided. Rose doesn’t have feelings for me.”
Kyo crosses his arms. “So you’ve talked about it.”
“Well, no.”
“Right. So you know this how?”
“I just know!” I slam my hands down on the desk. “What the hell is with this interrogation?”
“It’s not an interrogation. It’s a warning. You’re running out of time to figure this out. You have to talk to her.”
“No. I’m not doing that. I can’t do that.” I take deep, measured breaths, trying to keep myself calm. And failing spectacularly.
“Seriously?” Kyo groans. “You’re going to lose the woman you love over a stupid miscommunication?”
“There’s no miscommunication happening here,” I protest, not bothering to correct him about my feelings for Rose again. What’s the point? “I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m communicating exactly how I always intended to.”
“Why? Why can’t you just tell her how you feel?”
“Because what if she doesn’t feel the same way?” I shout, looking away from the camera. Thank fuck for the soundproof meeting rooms at the office.
“Sierra…”
“I don’t want to hear it. I know you’re going to say that Ilose her in either scenario. I’m well fucking aware. At least this way, I’m in control. I’m leaving before she gets the chance to this time.” I sound like a petulant child, throwing her toys away.
“This time?” Kyo asks, confusion morphing into understanding as he stares at me. “Shit, Sierra. Your friends? That was what, fourteen years ago? It was a lifetime ago.”
“It still feels like yesterday to me. I’ll never let anyone leave me like that again.”
Kyo frowns. “So let me get this straight. You went through something so awful you’re still dealing with it fourteen years later, and now you’re going to do the exact same thing to Rose?”
“It’s not the same. She doesn’t have feelings for me, and she won’t be alone, anyway.” I made sure of that. “She has the Michaelsons, and she’s hanging out with her siblings more.”
“It is the same. If she does have feelings for you, you’re going to break her heart because you’re too scared to risk your own. It’s a shitty thing to do, Sierra. You knew you were going to do this the whole time?” he asks.
“What? No. Of course not. I mean, it was always the plan to get divorced, but I didn’t expect to catch feelings for her. If I had…” I stop short of saying I wouldn’t have done it, because I don’t know that I wouldn’t have.
“You involved people in this, Sierra. Did you not once stop to consider the consequences? You’ll almost certainly fuck up the only close friendships you’ve had in the past decade with Jazz and Maggie. Not to mention the fact that you work with Jazz and Cal.”
“I know all of that! I know it’s a shitty thing to do. I know it makes me the bad guy. Hell, I’vebeenthe bad guy in every relationship I’ve been in over the past decade. Do you think I don’t know that?” If I was a better person, I wouldn’t date at all. I wouldn’t befriend people knowing I was going to drop them in three months. But I’m not a better person. I’m a hopeful person who’s spent most of her life living in the delusion that she’d meet someone worth taking a risk for.
Well, I met her. And I still can’t make myself do it.
Kyo says nothing, just stares at me, his expression heavy.
“Look, I get it, okay? You’re disappointed in me. I’m disappointed in me, too, Kyo.”
He drops his head into his hands and sighs. “In what world did you think I’d be okay with you hurting Rose to help me bring a child into the world, Sierra? So yeah, I am fucking disappointed in you. This isn’t you.”
His words sting more than I’d ever admit. I clear my throat. “Well, it is me, actually. So, I guess I’ll add your disappointment to the long, long list of things I’m going to have to learn to live with. I gotta go. Love you. Bye.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond before hanging up the call and tossing my phone on the desk. Almost immediately, it lights up with a new text. I almost ignore it, not wanting to deal with him again, but it’s not Kyo’s name on my screen.
I pick my phone up with shaking hands, my heart cracking.
