Page 38 of Forever to Fall
“To—” but he didn’t have the words. Any explanation sounded lame in his head, and he knew Mallory deserved it all. But how could he explain that he’d lost everyone he ever loved? If he came out about their relationship to Evan and it went badly, he’d have no one left. Mallory would never cut her brother out of her life, and Beckett wouldn’t ask her to.
“You know what I think?” she asked, not bothering to wait for his reply. “I think you need to decide whose heart you’re going to break. You seem to think you can’t have it all, that I’m not worth the risk of your friendship with Evan. And if that is the truth”—her voice caught, breaking his heart all over again—“then tell me. I cannot do this yo-yo routine anymore, Beckett. I can’t keep waiting for you to decide I’m worth the risk.”
She yanked the front door open and squeezed her eyes shut. “Make sure you check your bandages twice a day, and take your meds with food.” She shook her head and didn’t meet his gaze before bounding down the stairs. Only then did she remember her car was at the hospital and she froze. “Let me drive you,” he offered, trying to get to her before she ran away.
“I’ll get an Uber,” she said over her shoulder, taking the steps two-at-a-time and gaining distance between them.
“Don’t be ridiculous, let me help.”
Finally, Mallory spun around and caught his gaze. Even through his smudged glasses, he saw the pain in her expression. Yet again, he was breaking her heart. God, he hated himself.
“Do not follow me. If I have to walk back to Buckeye Falls, I will.”
At that moment, Beckett had no doubt. “Mal, I promise I’ll—”
“Your promises don’t mean anything to me anymore,” she said, turning away and stomping down the gravel driveway, her rumpled braid bouncing off her back. He watched her until she was out of sight, barely a dot on the horizon.
Beckett decided to listen to her request, not following her as she stormed off like a bad dream. After twenty minutes, he plodded back into the house. His appetite gone, he pulled himself up to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. Only when he was out and dressed did he see his hoodie folded neatly at the foot of Gramps’s bed.
Picking it up, he sniffed the fabric and felt Mallory’s warmth, smelled her blackberry scent. “Jesus,” he muttered, sliding to the floor in a heap. “I made a mess of it, Gramps,” he said to the empty room.
Beckett didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t keep yanking Mallory around like this, but he also didn’t want to end up completely alone. Could it really be as simple as Mallory made it sound? Could he tell Evan the truth and the three of them move on like nothing was different?
He wasn’t ready to gamble his entire future on a boyhood crush, on a fantasy made in the orchards fifteen years ago. The trouble was, as Beckett clutched the hoodie to his chest, he feared he already had. Mallory was gone, and he had no one to blame but himself. He needed to make this right, but he wasn’t sure he knew how to. Gramps would be so disappointed in him.
CHAPTER 12
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Over the last fifteenyears, Mallory had a host of people she could lean on.
Evan.
Emily.
Sophie.
