Page 17 of Forever to Fall
“That kind of earth-shaking love. That feeling that I’m with my person, that the world makes sense.”
The fact of the matter was, Beckett knew he already had that with Mallory. Their friendship had morphed over the years into something burgeoning on true love. If things hadn’t happened with Gram, he knew he would have told her by now. But after the heart attack, Beckett was all thumbs. He couldn’t focus on his job, could barely keep himself sane while Gram neared the end.
“You’ll find her, Foxy.” Evan was so certain, so quick to say the right thing.
“Thanks.” Beckett pondered letting the truth out now. It was high time he told Evan how he felt about his sister, how much he loved Mallory. Plus, he wasn’t above using his grief as a shield. No matter his reaction, Evan wouldn’t punch him on the same day as his grandmother’s funeral.
Pulling in a deep breath, Beckett readied himself. “You know, Lawless, I—”
“I’ve been thinking,” Evan interrupted, sitting up and snagging Beckett’s gaze. “It’s high time we got you back out there. Ever since we graduated, you’ve been obsessed with work.”
Beckett wasn’t sure where this line of conversation was going. “Yeah? It’s called a career?” He nudged his buddy, well aware that Evan was in the process of figuring out his own career path. Lucky for Beckett, he’d always been into computers and numbers. Accounting came easily to him, and he liked the life it afforded him. He wasn’t going to be a millionaire, but he’d be able to provide for a family.For Mallory.
“No, I mean we need to find you a girl. You’ve been palling around with me and Mal for too long. You need to get out there and find your great love. You won’t find it with us.”
Beckett couldn’t hear much beyond the ringing in his ears. Where was Evan going with this? Did he know the truth about how Mallory and Beckett felt for each other? The rustling of the trees in the wind was the only sound around them as Beckett struggled to find his words.
“And you have a plan?” he asked, hoping to turn the conversation around.
Evan nodded, his trademark grin in place. “Oh, yeah. I say we drive up to Columbus, or even down to Cincy. Let’s find some cool places and see who’s out there. You can’t stay here forever, man.”
Beckett wanted to argue, to tell Evan there was, in fact, a lot here for him. But he chickened out. Between his father’s appearance and watching Gramps grieve, he couldn’t handle the emotional landmines of telling his buddy he wanted to date his sister. Instead, he took the coward’s way out, certain the truth wouldn’t make it back to Mallory.
“You’re right, Lawless. There isn’t anyone for me here.” The words felt all wrong, bringing a wave of nausea. Beckett rallied, dusting his hands off and clapping Evan on the back. “Give me some time with Gramps, and then we’ll find those girls. I need to get out there.”
Evan chuckled. “That’s the spirit. Your boy is on the case. I am ready to play match maker.”
And that was when Mallory chose to reappear, her arms weighed down with a basket, her expression defeated. “Mallory.” Beckett sprang to his feet, his heart plummeting down to the orchard floor.
Her expression was pinched, her blue eyes shining in the moonlight. “Here,” she said quietly, shoving the basket into his hands. “Thought you might be hungry.”
Evan, completely oblivious to the turmoil around him, beamed. “Thanks, Mal. You’re the best.” He turned to Beckett and threw fuel on the fire. “This is the type of girl you need to find when we go to the city.”
Mallory turned on her heels and damn near sprinted to freedom. Beckett took a step to follow, but Evan kept talking. “Heck yes, she brought us some beers and snacks.”
Beckett knew he needed to go to Mallory, needed to set the record straight. She had to know he was just bullshitting, that he had no intention of following Evan to the city to pick up strangers. That was not his style and never had been. Mallory was his style, and he had a sinking suspicion he had blown it.
But the universe had other plans. Within a month of Gram’s passing, Gramps received his cancer diagnosis. Beckett’s world tilted even further off its axis, and Mallory never came back. His carelessness cost him the most important person in his life, and Beckett had spent every waking moment since that damn night regretting his words, regretting his choices, regretting that he didn’t run after her. Didn’t take a single step toward the woman he loved.
Now fate had thrown them together again. He knew he had a long way to go in making it right, but Beckett would try. Reconnecting with Mallory was the first time Beckett felt like himself in ages, the first time he felt like he was ready to move forward. It had taken them what felt like forever to get here, but he wouldn’t lose Mallory again. Beckett didn’t know how to do this, but he planned on having both Lawson siblings in his life again...whatever it took.
