Page 72 of Forever to Fall
With a careful hand, he helped Mallory sit up and propped pillows behind her. Fernando was not a fan of losing his spot and hissed before darting under the couch. Mallory’s head lolled forward, but he was there to steady her. “I’m not a baby,” she muttered, more to herself than Beckett. He was certain she didn’t know he was there.
“I know you’re not, sweetheart.” Beckett’s heart shuddered in his chest. He hated to see Mallory like this, especially knowing he was the reason. He cursed himself for not saying something at the diner, for letting Evan’s matchmaking get the better of him—yet again.
“I vant to sleeeeeeeeep,” Mallory droned, her mouth continuing to move after she was done speaking. Her slurred speech sounded like the Count from Sesame Street, but Beckett wasn’t about to alert her to that. He’d share that little gem for later, when everyone was sober and speaking to each other again.God, hopefully that will be sooner rather than later...
Beckett pressed two pills into her hand and held out the glass of water. “You can sleep soon, but first, I need you to drink this and take these.”
Mallory blinked awake long enough to take the glass from him. Her movements were jerky, and some of the water splashed down the front of her dress. “Oops.” She giggled as she popped the ibuprofen into her mouth and downed them in one swallow. “I’m a mmmmmeeeesssssss,” she said the last word as a long slur, thumping back onto the couch cushion. “I vant it to stop hurting,” she said, her blue gaze downcast.
Beckett squeezed her hand and sighed. This was killing him. “I know, but the headache will go away soon.”
Mallory shook her head so forcefully, her braid pulsed on her shoulders. “No, no, no,” she argued, waving her free hand through the air. When she was done making random gestures, she balled her fist and thwacked it on her chest. “I wantthisto stop hurting,” she corrected him. “It hurts all the time.” Her eyes fluttered closed and Beckett’s knees gave out.
Allowing gravity to take over, he crouched on the floor and cupped her face in his hands.Thiswas going to kill him, watching Mallory suffer under another misunderstanding. “Mal, I know you won’t remember this,” Beckett said, his throat closing around his confession, his eyes burning with fresh tears. “But I love you. I’m so sorry about tonight, and I’m always going to be sorry for what happened before. I will make this right, I promise.”
Blowing raspberries with her tongue, Mallory gave a stilted laugh. “Words are cheap, mister. And besides.” She huffed and tried to situate herself better on the couch. “I want to hear them from Beckett. I’m sure you’re a nice man, but you’re not the one I want...” Her drunken admission left him stunned.
“It’s me, sweetheart. Beckett.”
Mallory rolled onto her back and covered her face with her arm again. “No, you’re not. He’s out with Juuuuuullllllliiiiaaaa. Yet again, I’m not good enough.”
It would have been less painful if the roof had caved in and crushed him right then and there. Beckett rubbed over his sternum; the aching so acute he was surprised he was still breathing. “Mallory, you’ve always been good enough.” Letting out a humorless laugh, he continued. “You’re the gold standard to every woman I’ve dated. I’m so sorry you never knew that, and as soon as you’re sober, I’m going to show you how much you mean to me.”
At first, Mallory didn’t respond. Her lifeless form sprawled on the couch, legs straight and arms at odd angles. Beckett cleared his throat, anxious to see if Mallory had indeed heard him. “You seem like a nice guy,” she muttered into a cushion. “But I’m in love with someone else.”
Shoving his glasses up his nose, Beckett frowned. He was certain he was the someone else, but badgering a half comatose Mallory was a fool’s errand. “Oh, yeah?” he asked casually.
Mallory rolled around, curling up into a little ball. “Yeah. He’s my friend, but he doesn’t see me. I’m just his friend’s sister.” She wiggled her bottom and curled more into herself; her next words nearly inaudible from her drunken cocoon. “I’m not worth the risk.”
Beckett yanked off his glasses and rubbed his temples. Despite his own sober state, his head pounded with the need to fix this situation. He couldn’t believe they were back here again, and moreover, he couldn’t believe that Mallory didn’t already know how he felt.
It was frankly embarrassing how often they’d been down this road, the path worn and familiar. What was that old adage? The definition of insanity was doing the same thing over again and expecting different results? Look up Beckett Fox in the dictionary, and there would be a full spread of his freckled face under “I”.
“His Gram,” Mallory mumbled, the mention of his grandmother shaking him back to the present. “She used to say we belonged together. Isn’t that nice?” She rolled over, tucking her knees up to her torso, her braid falling over her cheek and obscuring his view of her face.
“Oh, yeah?” he asked, knowing exactly the situation that Mallory spoke of. He rested his arm on the sofa, his fingers smoothing over Mallory’s cheek so he could see her eyes.
When they were kids, and when she was scared, Mallory loved to hide around the farm, curled up into a ball. By the time he or Evan found her, one of them would have to coax her from her cocoon. Back when they were teenagers, Mallory had come to the farm to help Gram with canning preserves. Looking back at that time, Beckett knew his grandmother missed having more family around. Every time the Lawson kids came over, she found a variety of activities to keep everyone engaged and happy.
On this day, Mallory had been dumped by a boy she met in the high school orchestra. They had only gone on a couple of dates, but Mallory seemed smitten. During the entirety of that brief courtship, Beckett found anything he could do to keep busy. The last thing he needed were more reminders that, yet again, he’d missed his opportunity with Mallory. His World of Warcraft characters were doing really well, not to mention his curve ball was looking fierce. He’d also managed to harvest a row’s worth of apples on his own before the foreman scolded him for taking his team’s job.
Evan hadn’t joined his sister that day, so Beckett was in the den with Gramps watching football highlights. He’d gone to the kitchen in search of something to drink when he’d heard hushed voices and his grandmother’s comforting tone. “Now dear,” she’d said while carefully spooning hot jam into waiting jars. “Sometimes people are brought into our lives to show us what we’re missing. They fill a gap you didn’t know you had, complementing your life, and in some cases, making it better.”
Mallory had snorted, covering her mouth and apologizing. “Sorry, Gram, but Colin was not that guy.”
His grandmother had winked and chuckled. “I know, dear, that’s why I’m telling you to wait for the man who is. Who knows, he may be closer than you think.”
Beckett had held his breath, willing his feet to move and bring him to Mallory’s side. Instead, he stood in the shadows like a weirdo and eavesdropped on their private conversation. Just as he was crippled with guilt over his covert listening, Mallory knocked the wind out of his sails.
“There is someone,” Mallory said carefully. “But he’s not interested in me at all. I might as well be invisible.”
Gram sealed a jar and handed it to Mallory. “Have you told this boy how you feel?”
Mallory sighed, her body deflating with the effort. “If he doesn’t see it now, he never will.”
Turning her head to hide her smile, Gram soldiered on. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Mallory. Men are not that bright.” Mallory tittered but didn’t interrupt the life lesson. “I will love Richard and Beckett until my dying breath, but those two cannot find their way out of a paper bag. Sometimes with men, you need to spell it out.”
Mallory stacked the last of the jars and wiped her hands on a tea towel. She padded to the fridge and took a pitcher of iced tea and filled two glasses. “I think if I spell it out, that will be the end of our friendship.”
