Page 55 of Falling Again
“Let me finish, please Nat. If I don’t get this out now I might combust.” She squeezed his hand, but stayed silent. “I royally screwed this up,” he said, gesturing between them. “I got up in my own head and became absolutely obsessed with work. Every time my dad comes by town hall or texts with some ‘helpful’ advice, I feel pulled down. I nit-pick over getting everything perfect in town, just so he doesn’t have anything to gripe about. Then by the time I get home, I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve already failed you and the kids. You’re always on top of things, Nat. I appreciate it more than you know, but it makes me feel guilty. So guilty that you’re starting N&G Planners and don’t have a husband to rely on. I feel like I’m—” but Anthony couldn’t finish his thoughts.
The tears came now, heavy and fast, pouring down his cheeks. Natalie pulled him close, cupping his face in her hands. “Listen to me,” she said softly, yet firmly. “You are doing a wonderful job as mayor. Do you hear me? Look at all the changes you’ve done since you took office. Look at how many people you’ve helped since you were elected.”
“But it doesn’t mean anything if I’m losing you and the kids. Don’t you get it?”
Natalie offered a rueful smile and shook her head. “Oh yeah, I get it. I’m struggling with the same sense of failure and self-doubt. Every day I’m so excited to go to work, but I’m equally terrified I’m letting you and the kids down.”
Anthony scoffed and pulled her tighter, practically hearing bones crack at the force of his hold. “What are you talking about? You get dinner on the table every day, and you’re always home before I am. You are killing it, and I’ll be lucky if I can meet you halfway.”
“That’s the point, dummy,” she said with a huff. “We’re supposed to meet in the middle. Not dance around each other.”
Leaning in, Anthony kissed Natalie’s lips softly. It was a ghost of a kiss, but he needed to feel her, to taste her. “What are we going to do?”
The question was a loaded one, and Anthony knew it was unfair to put everything at Natalie’s feet. But he needed to know where she was coming from, and more importantly, where she wanted to go. He’d never felt so lost, and he needed to trust Natalie to point them in the right direction.
CHAPTER 16
Natalie would havebeen less surprised if Anthony barged in dressed as Big Bird and dancing the tango. He hadn’t been open like that since before they were married—so raw and fully. She loved him for his vulnerability and trust in her more than anything.
“You’re so brave,” she said when other words failed her.
Swiping away the tears on his face, Anthony shook his head. “I’m not. I’m a mess. I’m hardly the husband and father you guys deserve.”
Placing her hand over his mouth to shut him up, Natalie shook her head. “Stop that. You are a wonderful husband and father. Just because we hit a rough patch doesn’t mean all the ways you love us don’t shine through.” Beneath her hand, Anthony sighed. He sounded so defeated; she wanted to wrap him in a blanket and hide him from the world. “I’ve made some mistakes too. You’re not allowed to play the blame game alone. It’s a two-player game.” Lowering her hand, she saw a little smirk cross Anthony’s face before he sighed again.
“You’re letting me off too easily, Nat.”
“I don’t think so. I’m trying to give you some grace. I think we both deserve a little of that, don’t you?” It may have come across as a little selfish, but Natalie was proud of her words. She’d stomped around all high and mighty about Anthony taking his call, never once thinking about where he was coming from. This was a big step for her, and she intended to keep on walking.
Her hands were damp from Anthony’s tears, so Natalie reached for a tea towel and carefully wiped his face. Covering her hand with one of his, Anthony stopped her movement and clasped her tightly. “Thank you,” he breathed.
Natalie frowned. “For what?”
“For all of this. For listening, for not running away.”
Natalie snorted. “I would never run away. Even when I’m exhausted and frustrated, I always want to come home. It never occurred to me to run away.” Anthony flashed her a weak smile before pulling her into a crushing embrace. Since they’d arrived on the island, his hugs were bordering on bear traps, like he was afraid she’d slip away. Reiterating her point, Natalie added, “I’m not going anywhere.”
