Page 43 of Falling Again
CHAPTER 12
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If Natalie wasn’t soturned on, she would have laughed. Anthony gave her an expression that was both humbled and pure fire. “You’re sure?” His question died on his lips as she drew herself closer to him. Lord, she knew they had a lot to work through, but in this instant she needed to be with her husband. Skin on skin; heat on heat.
Coming up for air, Anthony yanked on the collar of his polo shirt. In the blink of an eye, he’d removed it and thrown it across the room. Natalie took in the hard plains of his torso, allowing herself a moment to trail her fingers up and down his chest. His breath hitched as she traced down toward his stomach, but he didn’t inch away. His gaze was hypnotized by her hand’s movements, following the random pattern of her fingers, entranced by her mapping his body.
It struck Natalie that Anthony looked just as good as he did the last time they had made love. On the other hand, Natalie had gained a few pounds and didn’t feel like her old self. Now she was self-conscious, a feeling she hadn’t had in the bedroom before, especially with her husband. Her fingers fumbled as they drew down to his waistband, and Natalie looked up to gauge Anthony’s expression.
Desire.
That is what she saw when she looked at her husband. The man clearly desired her, and she pulled confidence from his unwavering stare. He was clearly as turned on as she was, yet she struggled to be in the moment. A little nagging voice told her she needed to cover up, but she ignored it.
Natalie hadn’t taken the best care of herself over the last few months. Her early morning Pilates class or run had been replaced by pancakes with her children. Her lunch time walk had been replaced with diner meals with Ginny and CeCe. Hell, her best friend was a chef, and her other best friend was married to one. Food was always plentiful, and not the low-fat, low-carb confections she usually snacked on.
As if sensing her hesitation, Anthony reached out and took Natalie’s hands. Pulling them to his chest, she felt his racing heartbeat. The pace was as frantic as her own. “Where did you go?” he asked, so quietly that at first Natalie hadn’t registered his question.
“Hmm?” she asked, sucking in her breath and leaning closer. Maybe if she held her breath the whole time he wouldn’t see the new roll around her stomach?
Anthony pressed her hands closer to his chest and exhaled. “Nat, we don’t need to do this now.” She scoffed and looked down to his shorts, the strain against his zipper evidence he was more than ready to go. He smiled and shifted his weight. “I mean Iwantto do this now. But we don’t have to. I can tell something is bothering you.”
Natalie leaned back slightly and thought about the last few months. She and Anthony had cooled down in more ways than one, and their communication was just another casualty along with their sex life. How could she tell him how insecure she was? Back in the day, Anthony used to praise Natalie for her confidence. When she walked into a room, she owned it, no matter the setting.
Now if she inventoried her body, Natalie knew there were more peaks and valleys, more lumps and bumps. She was in her mid-thirties, and she didn’t know how Anthony felt about her changing body. Letting out a breath, Natalie decided to seize the moment and be honest. What was the point of keeping it all in anymore?
“I’ve gained some weight,” she started, her voice hushed. Anthony didn’t respond, simply taking the moment for his gaze to sweep up and down her frame. She felt the path of his eyes and shivered. “I haven’t had time to go to Pilates lately, my chocolate intake reached worrisome levels, I can’t seem to say no to wine, and—”
“Stop.” Anthony’s voice hitched at the word. “Stop, Nat. You’re gorgeous. Freaking gorgeous, in fact. I’ve been so up in my head lately, and I haven’t told you. I’m so sorry you feel this way.” Judging from the anguished expression on his handsome face, Natalie believed him.
Natalie thought back to the morning, when Anthony had stared at her without commenting on the dress she wore. It was an older dress and had been harder than usual to zip up, but Natalie took a chance. Thank goodness for Alice or she wouldn’t have known she looked presentable.
As if sensing where her mind went, Anthony said, “I should have said something this morning. You looked fantastic, and I got all tongue-tied and stupid.” He swore under his breath and released her hands, raking his fingers through his hair, the dark strands landing in all directions. He was truly distraught by her feelings and his part in them. Natalie bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling.
“You were?” Her question escaped on barely a whisper.
Anthony got himself into a seated position and took back Natalie’s hand. Together they sat back on the bed, Anthony carefully draping the comforter over their entwined legs. “I know we have a lot to talk about this week, but let me start with this: Nat, you’re beautiful. I think so every day.”
