Page 38 of Falling Again
Propping her hands on her hips, Alice sighed. “Let me guess. No boys and no parties?”
“That’s just the beginning,” Anthony deadpanned. “No booze, especially when the kids are awake. Consider this practice for when Maddie is a teenager.”
“The poor girl will have no fun at all. You’ll probably try to send her off to a convent or something.”
Anthony raised an eyebrow. “We’re not Catholic.”
“Ha!” Alice retorted. “But you didn’t say you wouldn’t.” She jabbed her brother in the chest with her finger and stepped back when the coffee maker dinged. “Finally,” she groaned as she filled a mug with coffee. Just before she turned around, she poured two more mugs. The look she gave Anthony said,See? I can play nice with others.
Anthony took the mug and sipped, grimacing when the burning coffee scalded his tongue. “Thanks,” he muttered as he turned to help Natalie set the counter for breakfast. When the telltale sound of scampering feet bounded above them, Anthony excused himself to help the kids.
Natalie busied herself with buttering toast and pouring orange juice for the kids. Alice studied her for a moment, and Natalie’s skin prickled under the younger woman’s gaze. “What’s up, Alice? I can tell you have something on your mind.”
Alice cocked her head to the side and chewed her bottom lip, her gaze unfocused at the floor. “I have a lot on my mind.” Her confession was so quiet, Natalie thought she might have missed what she said. Before she could ask, Alice continued, “And it’s so strange sometimes. Coming here I mean. Anthony has this perfect life, and I always feel like an afterthought.”
Natalie dropped her butter knife and closed the distance between them. “Alice, honey, I’m so sorry if you ever feel uncomfortable here. It’s been a hectic year with everything at work and—”
Her excuses were silenced when Alice raised a hand. “Don’t apologize for being perfect. You work yourself stupid for this family. I guess I wish I had some of your, I don’t know...” Her green eyes flitted around the kitchen as she searched for words. “Your gumption. You know what you want, Nat, and you go for it. I hope my idiot brother knows how lucky he is to have you.”
Having said her piece, Alice stalked into the living room with her coffee. Which left Natalie alone with a whole new list of questions rummaging around in her brain. Did Anthony think he was lucky? And worse, what would she do if he didn’t feel that way?
*
Alice’s statement tookup most of the space in Anthony’s head all morning. Like a creep, Anthony had hidden in the hallway and didn’t interject. He wished he would have been in the kitchen when Alice said he was lucky, because he wanted to see Natalie’s reaction. And if he had been brave, Anthony would have shouted that yes, he was beyond fortunate to have Natalie in his life.
Heaven knew he was lucky, but that didn’t mean Anthony was doing a good job of showing it. He knew he had his work cut out for him this week, and he would do everything he could to make Natalie feel as treasured as she was. She deserved nothing less.
When the kids were settled, he hugged them both and helped load them into Natalie’s car for school and daycare drop off. “Be good. Love you both,” he said as he closed the door. Turning to Natalie had added, “I’ll be ready when you get home. Even with Alice’s visit we’re making great time.”
Natalie nodded and turned on the car, closing the door and leaving Anthony standing on the driveway alone. When he walked back inside, he was greeted by the sight of Alice laying on the couch, the TV blasting a morning talk show with hosts that were too chipper for the early hour. “You mind cleaning up the kitchen before Natalie gets back?” he asked, purposefully standing in front of the TV.
Alice craned her neck, but gave up after he crossed his arms and stood firm. She sighed with everything she had, and Anthony felt the air move. “Fine.” She stomped into the kitchen, with Anthony hot on her heels. “You know that everything will be fine, right? Your kids will be fed and clothed, and I won’t burn down the house.” Alice made a point of banging around the dirty dishes, a symphony of her apparent despair.
Anthony didn’t doubt his sister, but he wished he had more faith in her. She seemed so lost lately, and he knew he couldn’t blame her. Their parents set extraordinarily high expectations for them. Anthony felt the weight of expectation acutely, like someone was physically pulling him down by his shoulders. There would be times his heart raced out of his chest, and he knew he was flirting with panic attacks. Of course it made sense his sister suffered from the strain too.
Watching Alice now, Anthony saw her tired expression. This visit was more than her being done with school; there was something else she was dealing with. Before he could overthink the moment, Anthony said, “You know you can tell me if you need anything, right?”
Without turning around, Alice huffed as she loaded the dishwasher. “Sure thing, big brother.” Her posture was tense as she rinsed the last dish and closed the dishwasher.
Anthony stepped closer, placing a hand on the counter. “Seriously, Alice. You can talk to me. I know I get carried away sometimes, but I have your best interests at heart.”
Alice folded a dish towel and turned to face her brother. Her expression was skeptical, but she managed to crack a smile. “I know you do.” She sighed and blinked a few times. “I just need to figure out what I’m doing, and I don’t know how to do that. I’m not like you, Anthony. I don’t have my life mapped out perfectly.”
Snorting, Anthony crossed his arms and shook his head. “You think I have it all figured out? Christ, I’m drowning.” Alice raised an eyebrow but didn’t interrupt; she was clearly intrigued. “Work is utter chaos, and even after two years I still feel like I’m living––and working––in Dad’s shadow. I’m constantly worried I’m missing something major. Like there’s a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up town hall.” Anthony was shocked by his own admissions. Not that they weren’t true, but because they were, and he hadn’t shared them before. Not even with Natalie.
And now standing in front of him, Alice looked like she was sucker punched. “I had no idea,” she said quietly. Her voice, for once, was missing the edge it held during their conversations lately. “That should pass though.” She said it as a statement, but Anthony didn’t miss the hesitancy in her tone.
“I hope so, but I really doubt it. I love our parents, don’t get me wrong, but when they decided to retire in Buckeye Falls and not on the island it changed a lot for me. Frankly, I’m still trying to figure it out.” There was another admission he hadn’t dared to share.
Alice stepped closer and reached out, gently pushing her brother’s shoulder. They weren’t a family of huggers, so this was significant contact. “Youwillfigure it out. You’re Anthony Snyder, for crying out loud.”
Before Anthony could say anything else, he heard Natalie come in through the garage. “Hello?” she called out, meeting the pair in the kitchen. When she saw the kitchen was clean, she smiled slightly. It wasn’t much, but Anthony could tell she appreciated the help. “Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen guys.” She put her purse on the counter and checked the time. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes. Does that work?” Anthony nodded and watched Natalie walk upstairs.
Alice studied her brother for a moment. Anthony’s skin prickled as she stared a hole in his face. “What is it?” he asked.
“Something else is going on,” Alice surmised. She looked back and forth between Anthony and the empty staircase. “You’re looking after your wife like a schoolboy with a crush.”
“Isn’t that good? Shouldn’t spouses look at each other that way?” Anthony countered, getting nervous that Alice was onto him. He felt naked, exposed by all his confessions.
