Page 42 of Her Lion of a Duke
“You might say that,” Cecilia muttered bitterly. “He has told me we are not even truly married.”
She expected shock from Mrs. Herrington, or at least pity, but all she got was a sad chuckle.
“Sometimes in trying not to feel anything at all, one wounds oneself. I would not pay him any heed, and I certainly would not allow it to hurt me this badly. His Grace does not know quite what to do with himself now that he is married. It is no excuse, of course, and he should never have said something so cruel.”
“I have been called far worse than not a wife,” Cecilia mumbled. “If anything, that is something I would have been proud of a few months ago, but now… I never thought that such a small comment could hurt me so much.”
“It is to be expected, and it is because you care.”
Mrs. Herrington placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, but it felt heavy. Cecilia shrugged her off gently, standing tall and squaring her shoulders.
“No,” she replied, wiping beneath her eye with the back of her hand, “it means that I was foolish enough to allow it. I will not make that mistake again.”
“If you insist, Your Grace.”
“I do. Now, shall you and I take tea in the drawing room? I am rather parched after being in the sun for hours.”
She wanted Mrs. Herrington to argue, to say that it was not right, and to break down her walls so that she could finally admit how she was feeling. But the housekeeper was supposed to agree with her, and that was precisely what she did.
They took their tea quietly, Cecilia silently swearing that she would never allow herself to feel so strongly for a person that they could make her feel so miserable.
Once or twice, Leonard walked by and looked inside. Cecilia did not turn her head to look at him, though Mrs. Herrington did. He did not say anything, nor did he enter, and Cecilia told herself that she liked it that way.
If she were not his wife, then she would do exactly as she pleased.
CHAPTER 15
Leonard told himself that he had done the right thing.
He had felt awful for ignoring Cecilia, even worse for telling her what he did, but it had to be done. He could not allow her to get too close to him, not when he was the beast he was. He had not even told her that an investigation was underway, one that he had not ruled her out of despite everything.
Simply put, he did not trust anyone, including her. He could not, for there was someone in Society who had an awful lot to say about him and had tried to ruin him, which he could not accept, but it had to be someone with a reason.
He had not wanted to continue the investigation, but he had no other choice. He had to find Felix Gray and exact his vengeance.
It was that side of him that he hoped never to reveal to his wife, and keeping her at a distance was the only way to ensure that. All the same, he did not have to be so cruel.
The day after, he saw her in the library. She was sitting up and holding a book. He stood in the doorway long enough for her to turn the page, and when she did not, he realized that she was not reading it.
He considered leaving her be, but he could not. Despite everything, she was still his friend, and though he wanted to keep her at arm’s length, he did not want her to be upset. So he joined her.
She grumbled softly when he entered.
“Might I have a work?” he asked. She set down the book and looked at him expectantly. “I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”
“There is no need, Your Grace. Apologies are never needed for telling the truth.”
“Cecilia, I should not have said what I said. Of course, you are my wife. We exchanged vows, and you should know that I have every intention of keeping them.”
“I truly had hope that you would,” she muttered.
“What do you mean? I have done exactly that.”
“If that is what you are telling me, then I shall believe it, but I am not a fool. I know where gentlemen go when they disappear at night.”
The accusation stung, and he felt as though she had risen from her seat and slapped him across the face.
“Do you truly think so little of me?”
