Page 25 of A Scot for Bethan
“Yes, you are.”
But you are far wiser than your betrothed.
Cameron did not say the words. There was no need, she would have understood from his tone that was what he thought. Which was enough. There was a silence, then she spoke, her voice tentative.
“Is he experienced with women?”
The question surprised a cough out of him. Was she really trying to ascertain what kind of lover her future husband was? Though he’d guessed by now that she was not exactly like other women, more brazen and probably more knowledgeable about what happened in marital beds, her boldness was still unexpected. To think she’d just claimed to be too shy to be honest… With him, at least, she was not afraid to speak her mind. She had proved it on countless occasions.
“I think not,” he said, doing his best not to dwell on the thought of her and Dougal in bed together. “As I said, he’s still young, and untried in many respects. If you fear he will be a forceful, insatiable lover, then you need not?—”
“I’m not afraid of that. But you see I…I’m not a virgin,” she said in a breath.
The shocking, deeply personal admission tore through the air. Every muscle in Cameron’s body stilled. Bethan was not a virgin? Now he understood why she had suddenly started asking about Dougal and his love life. She wanted to know whether she should fear his reaction when he found out his bride was not the innocent maiden he assumed her to be.
“Is this why you are nervous about your wedding night?” he asked in a growl. Imagining her in another man’s arms was torture, especially because he had no idea what dark secret lurked in her past. It was not common for a woman who’d been betrothed before she was old enough to take interest in men to be experienced. So what had happened? Had she been forced or had she gone to a lover willingly? The first possibility sent his blood boiling with rage, and the second racing with lust.
“I never said that I was nervous about my wedding night,” Bethan answered, raising her chin.
“You must be, why else would you confide to me that you are afraid of what your groom will say when he sees that you are not untouched?”
“Once again you are mistaking my intent. I’m not afraid of that.”
He arched an eyebrow. Really the woman was, as he’d just thought, bold and unpredictable—and, apparently, even more knowledgeable than he had suspected. “What are you telling me then?”
Bethan bit her lip. Whatwasshe telling Cameron? Why was she discussing such private matters with him, even? It was not only awkward, but it could be dangerous, if he decided to use this information against her.
But she could not hold her tongue any longer. The closer they got to Scotland and finally meeting the man she would spend the rest of her life married to, the more nervous she became. And nothing Cameron had said about his nephew over the last few days had reassured her, least of all that he was as good as a virgin. She did not want to be married to someone who was even less mature than she was. She wanted a man who would treat her like his wife, not his sister, a lover who knew how to give her pleasure, not a boy looking at a mother-figure with puppyish adoration.
She stared into the horizon, wondering whether to be honest or not. In the end she decided to be. They had shared an unexpected moment of intimacy tonight, and she trusted that Cameron would understand.
“I am one and twenty. I have been betrothed for seven long years to a man I didn’t choose and fear I might not like. From a young age I have been courted by men and last year I decided to take some to my bed,” she said hurriedly. There. Let him know the full truth. It couldn’t be worse from what he was imagining already. “I do not regret it, as I thought there was a distinct possibility my betrothed would find excuses to delay our wedding for another ten years or even cancel it altogether. After all, his father is not here to force him to honor a promise made when he was little more than a child and his life seems wholly devoted to Robert the Bruce. But apparently I was wrong, and he does want a wife. I don’t blame him for it but now my marriage is fast approaching, and I am scared that my husband will not appeal to me, or…”
“Or satisfy you in bed as well as your lovers did,” Cameron supplied with a taut smile. He didn’t sound disapproving exactly, rather as if he shared her concerns. Her stomach sank another notch. Dear, oh, dear, that was not promising. He seemed to think Dougal would never give her what needed.
“Yes. The prospect is not an appealing one, because of course once I’m married, I intend to be faithful. I will not have any more lovers.”
He nodded, then asked, his voice reduced to a growl. “How many have you had?”
Her heart skipped a beat. It sounded as if the idea displeased him in the extreme. “That is none of your concern and hardly relevant. Or will you share with me the number of your conquests?”
“No, I won’t, and you’re right, it is none of my concern.”
To Bethan’s surprise, he did not point out that he, unlike her, was a man and as such not subjected to the restrictions that applied to her. As Dougal’s uncle, and the man charged to deliver her safely to her betrothed, he would have been well within his rights to be outraged when she had announced that she was no virgin, but he had not so much as flinched. Even more surprisingly, he had understood her concerns about the satisfaction she was hoping to find in her husband’s bed.
She waited, not knowing how to carry on this most unusual conversation. It was not every day that an unmarried woman discussed her past lovers with a member of her future husband’s family. To add to her confusion, she was battling the urge to nestle herself into his arms, not in lust for once, but in gratitude. He had heard her shocking confession, and he had not judged, he had not roared in outrage, he had not made her feel dirty. Would Dougal be so understanding? Somehow, she doubted it.
Cameron was still reeling from Bethan’s revelation. At least he had established that she had not been the victim of an assault. His mind had been put at rest, but his body was more inflamed than ever. Because, if she was not untouched and had already welcomed lovers to her bed then there would be no harm in the two of them?—
He clenched his jaw so hard he heard a bone crack.
What was he thinking? No harm? Who was he fooling? The scope for disaster was endless. What if she fell with child? What if Dougal found out the uncle he’d entrusted with his wife’s safety had seduced her? What if…
What if after having fallen in lust with her, he fell in love? At the moment it seemed too real a real risk, a risk he couldn’t take because despite her revelation, nothing had changed. She was still going to marry his nephew.
“Are you going to tell Dougal?” Bethan asked in a low voice. Understandably, she was worried he would expose her. But it had not even crossed his mind to do so.
“No. This is between you and him, it has nothing to do with me,” he said, fists bunched by his side. Would the boy even notice something was amiss? Not all virgins bled. If Bethan made sure to behave as she should and Dougal was a virgin himself, as Cameron suspected, and then he might not notice anything.
