Page 22 of A Second Chance for Carys
“Of course.”
“Let us drink to little Rhys’ health!” Richard declared, raising his cup in the air. “May he be blessed with many more cousins in the years to come.”
Branwen blushed and hid her face in the crook of her husband’s neck. At first James could not identify the odd sensation bubbling in his chest. Then he realized that it was anticipation. For the first time in years, he had something to look forward to.
His gaze once again landed on Carys.
Yes. Perhaps his life was not quite over yet.
The rest of the meal was spent in a jovial atmosphere. Once everyone had washed their hands in the bowls of scented water, James drew Carys to one side.
“Can I have a word with you?” he asked in a breath, careful not to be overheard
She nodded and waited until they were alone to turn to him, eyes aglow. “What is it?”
It was only then he realized he had no idea why he had asked her to stay behind. What did he want to tell her? He didn’t know. So he just kissed her.
It was a gentle kiss, emotional, but intense nonetheless. Or perhaps it was preciselybecauseit was driven by something other than lust that it was so intense. They worshipped one another’s mouth, knowing they didn’t have anything to prove. Their tongues swirled in a sensual dance rather than spar in afrenzied exchange. They took their time, savoring rather than devouring each other.
And his whole body surged in response.
His soul vibrated.
This was more than a kiss, it was the beginning of something. When they finally drew away, Carys stared at him a long moment, a dazed look in her eyes.
“What did you do that for?”
Another excellent question. Another one he did not have the answer to. But something about the announcement they had just heard had made it impossible for him not to kiss her. Anticipation was coursing up and down his spine and for the first time since Joanne’s death, he wanted to recapture a bit of spontaneity, a bit of the insouciance he and his wife had shared. He had become so dour since then, so stuck in his ways. He’d wanted to act, and not worry about the consequences for once.
“I didn’t kiss you the other day on the beach,” he murmured against her lips. “And it was eating at me. I thought it was time I rectified the mistake.”
“Oh, but you most definitely kissed me,” Carys whispered back, bringing her lips to his ear. “Only…not on the lips.”
Everything within James tightened. Jesus, was the woman trying to make him mad with lust by alluding to what he had done? If so, she was going the right way about it. He had not been able to forget what had happened on that blanket. His delight at seeing that her shift was indeed embroidered with flowers all along the hem, the joy bubbling in his veins at the thought of finally being able to taste her, her moans of ecstasy when she had spasmed around his fingers, and the satisfaction of knowing he had rendered her boneless, everything was etched into his mind for eterntity.
“I still don’t know why you didn’t take me afterward,” she carried on, her voice low and seductive. “Your explanation wasinterrupted by the arrival of the women and children and then later while we rode back home, I will admit I didn’t understand what you told?—”
Her voice trailed when he drew away from her, all desire doused.
Running a hand through his hair, he started to pace around the room. He’d not taken her because he could not, and now he would have to tell her why. At the time, he’d been relieved his explanation had been cut short but things had become too personal between them; he could not let her worry she had done something wrong or think that he didn’t want her. He knew his statement about not having any spare parts of himself to lose would have puzzled her. But how to explain his reticence to bed her?
Better to start at the beginning.
“I told you that day I didn’t have any children. Well, I did, once. My wife gave birth to four babies, and I buried them all.” His chest tightened at the memory, as he’d expected, but now that he had started, he found that he did not want to stop. “My two daughters, conceived first, were both born dead. The first one came out before her time, and there was nothing we could do. The other, we were told, had been strangled by the umbilical cord during the long and difficult labor. Again, there was nothing to be done but to accept the loss. Joanne was heartbroken, and blamed herself for not being able to deliver her swiftly enough. I was devastated also but had to find the strength to be there for her, convince her she had done nothing wrong.”
Carys was frozen in horror by the revelation. The pain of losing one child after another was hard to imagine. She waited, because he had mentioned four children, and only told her what had happened to his two poor daughters. Where were his sons?
“After those traumatic experiences it took me a while to agree to Joanne’s entreaties that I give her another child.” He shookhis head as if fearing she would judge him for refusing his wife her dearest wish. She did not judge him. No one could know how they would react after going through such tragedy. She might have done the same in his place. “I gave her pleasure, of course, and we even made love on occasion, but I always made sure not to reach my release inside her. I could not bear to lose another child, or her, in childbed. The two births had been hard on her. I did not see how a third one would not end in tragedy.”
“Of course.” It was all too understandable.
“Then one day, despite my carefulness, she announced she was with child again. I was petrified, but did my best to hide my feelings from her, not wanting to spoil her joy or worry her unduly. Six months later she gave birth to the most beautiful babe I had ever seen. We were happy again, and my fears receded to the back of my mind. Two years after Edward’s birth, she told me we were to have another child. Anthony was born on Christmas Day, the exact copy of his brother. For a while, everything was perfect.”
For a while. Yes. Until disaster struck again. Carys braced herself.
“What happened to them?”
Did she want to know? Yes. If James could find the courage to speak out, she could certainly listen.
