Page 20 of Loving the Blacksmith
“I’m fine,” Björn repeated, a hint of irritation creeping in his voice. “Only, I have no reason to get up, so I didn’t.”
No reason? What an odd thing to say. Since when did people need reasons to get up? It was what you did in the morning, you didn’t question it. “What about?—”
“You don’t look too well either, if I may say,” his friend interrupted. “What is the matter with you? Why aren’t you at the forge in the middle of the day?”
Because everything had been turned on its head, that was why, and in the forge was a woman he didn’t know what to make of. Or rather, he knew all too well. Only, he wasn’t sure she was ready for it. Or willing. And so he avoided the place.
Magnus sagged on the stool. Suddenly he understood what his friend meant by not having a reason not to get up. He never asked himself why he was getting up in the morning, because he feared the answer would depress him, and he always went to bed dissatisfied with his day, which was an even more worrying situation.
“My life is a waste,” he said instead of answering. “I’m thirty summers and I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I want. Can you think of anything worse?”
“Oh yes, I can.” Björn twisted his lips. “Worse than not knowing what you want is knowing exactly what you want and being unable to get it.”
Magnus gave this some consideration and decided that yes, it might well be worse. “What is this thing you want and cannot have then?”
“A woman.” The two words were little more than a breath.
Magnus arched a brow. A woman? He’d never seen his friend with anyone, so the answer surprised him. Björn had never even seemed interested in women, yet he was saying that what he needed to make his life complete was a woman. He had not seen that coming. But that was hardly an issue, because Magnus didn’t doubt the man could have all the women he wanted. He was handsome, personable and trustworthy.
“You’re still young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to?—”
“Will you all just stop referring to my age! I’m plenty old enough to know my own mind and crave a family.” He gave a sigh, as if he hadn’t meant to snarl. “But I don’t want just any woman. That’s the trouble.”
Oh, so he had his eye set on someone who didn’t want him. That was undoubtedly a complication. Magnus should know, he who had never managed to make anyone want him.
“Who is she?”
Silence was his only answer, then Björn threw an involuntary glance at the bandage on his bicep. Everything became clear.
“Frigyth’s sister, Dunne?”
Of course,shewas the reason the man had run into the burning hut to save Dawn. Magnus had wondered what had possessed the man to act so quickly, as if his life rather than that of the little girl’s depended on him saving her.
“Yes. Dunne. It’s always been her for me, ever since I first saw her all those years ago.” Björn gave a smile that resembled a scowl. “But unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same about me. When we saw that her hut was burning I was asking her to marry me, believe it or not. She refused.”
“And still you risked your life to save her daughter?”
The look Björn threw him would have doused the flames in his furnace as efficiently as a bucket of ice-cold water. “Are you suggesting we should have let her burn?”
“No. Of course not. Forgive me, I didn’t mean to suggest anything of the sort. Apparently, it is not only my life that is a mess. My mind is also addled.”
Magnus shook his head. Had he really asked that stupid question? Yes. As he’d said, his mind must seriously be addled. Fortunately, Björn didn’t seem to really think the worst of him. He merely nodded.
“I would have gone to rescue any poor child trapped in a burning hut. But I would not have felt the agony I felt when I saw it was Dunne’s daughter who was in danger. Because her pain is my pain. And I would like her joys to be my joys for the rest of our lives. Only she doesn’t want to share them with me.” Björnhid his eyes with a bent arm, like a man weary beyond measure. “And so now you know why I have no reason to get up.”
Magnus swallowed.
Her pain is my pain. And I would like her joys to be my joys.
Yes, that was a good way of expressing what he felt about Agnes.
He’d thought he wanted her body, and he did. He’d thought he wanted to keep her safe, and he did. But he also wanted more. He wanted what Björn wanted with Dunne. Dunne, who for a reason he was ignorant of, had refused the offer of marriage she’d received. Would he, Magnus, have more luck when he proposed to the woman of his dreams? He started as the thought crossed his mind. Was he really considering marrying Agnes? Was he really about to risk another humiliation, like the one he had suffered at Edith’s hands, and ask if she would have him?
He shot to his feet. Yes, he was. Because there was no better way to keep her with him always.
This conversation had been most illuminating.
“I think actually I do know what I want to do with my life,” he said, talking almost to himself. He wanted to spend it with Agnes.
