Page 63 of A Husband for Esyllt
“No, you were right.” He did not comment, but the way he twisted his lips told her he didn’t think the way he had found out was ideal either. She could only agree. No sooner had he found out that she was with child than he’d had to face the possibility of losing the babe. It should not have happened that way.
“I’m sorry. In the end, it might have been better to send a message,” she mumbled as he took another step forward.
“No. I thank you for coming to tell me in person. It was very brave of you, and I’m not sure I deserve the discomfort you suffered as a consequence.” He leaned in slightly. Perhaps once the conversation was over he would finally sit down next to her. She hoped so, as she dearly needed to touch him. “When did you realize you were with child?”
Esyllt smiled at the memory of that day. Her whole body had felt lit up from within when she’d understood she was to have another child. “I knew almost immediately.”
It had not been her first pregnancy, so she had been prepared for the signs. Even more pointedly, she had been watching for them. Secretly, she had wished that her passionate night with Connor had borne fruit. She could not bear to think that there was nothing left of the bond they had briefly shared. If she gave him a child, he would have to come back to her, and perhaps if she gave him an heir, he would even agree to listen to her.
Listen to her. Yes, they still needed to have the all-important conversation.
She glanced at the place next to her and, to her relief, he sat down. “I came to tell you about the child, but there is another reason for my presence here, as you might have guessed. I need to explain what I?—”
He cut her explanation short with a raised hand. “Please. Just tell me this. Did Gruffydd take Siân from you? Is that why you opened the postern gate? To get her back? That’s all I need to know.”
Esyllt gave a cry when all the awful tension left her body in one rush. He knew! Then if he knew, he might find it in himself to forgive her. “Oh, Connor! I thought my heart had stopped beating that night.”
Before she could think, she threw herself into his arms. Connor placed his chin on top of her head, holding her tight,and she melted into the embrace. How she had missed this, the comfort of being in his arms!
“Is that why you handed me over to him?” he murmured in her ear, rocking her slowly against him.
She nodded against his chest, ashamed of not having been stronger, of not having confided in him. They would surely have found a solution together. Matthew would have helped to, she knew it.
“I had no choice, or so I thought. He came to see me at Castell Esgyrn, asking me to hand you over to his mob of men. I refused and I thought, fool that I was, that he had accepted my refusal. But then he sent me a letter telling me he had abducted Siân and I would only ever see her again if I agreed to open the castle to him and his men that night. I could not think, I could not breathe. I panicked, just like I did now. I should have come to you and told you, I should have?—”
“Hush, love,” he soothed. “I understand. You did what you had to do to save Siân. Of course you could not leave your child in the hands of that bastard. Better to hand over a knight, a man capable of defending himself, than leave a vulnerable, frightened little girl alone with Gruffydd even for a moment.”
Relief swept through her. He understood her thinking and even seemed to agree that it had been the only choice available to her. If he did, then everything would be all right. “Exactly. Still, no matter my reasons, I placed you in mortal danger. Will you ever forgive me?”
“Only if you forgive yourself.”
Oh, the wretched man! He knew guilt was gnawing at her. “I... It might take me a while,” she said honestly.
“Take all the time you need, I’ll be there. Would it help if I told you I love you too?” he purred, looking straight into her eyes.
Esyllt inhaled sharply. Had he said he loved hertoo? That meant he knew she loved him. But how? “What do you mean?”
“Don’t pretend you did not say you loved me that night,” he said, stroking her cheek. “But even if you did not, I can see it in your eyes now, wife.”
She smiled at the way he said the word she had ranted against many a time, knowing it would be the last time he ever called her that. From now on he would call her Esyllt.
“You can?”
“Yes. But tell me again.”
“I love you. I have loved you for weeks. I should have realized it before.”
“As long as you did.” His hand found its way to her stomach. “And now you are going to give a me a child. It is perfect, the marriage I always wanted and never dared to hope for.”
“Yes.” She blushed. They had only spent one night together but it had been enough for her to conceive. It had to be a sign that their marriage was blessed. “An heir, perhaps.”
Connor waved Esyllt’s words away. Though many of his male friends thought him odd for it, he cared nothing about fathering the all-too important heir. All he wanted was a healthy child who was the image of its lovely mother. He knew all too well that a successful birthing was not guaranteed.
“An heir will come, in time, I’m sure of it, because I mean to fill you with my seed over and over again.”
The way she blushed at his crude declaration made it impossible for him not to kiss her. And kissing her with all the fire he was capable of made it impossible not to want more. Blood started to pump in his veins and he nudged at her gently until she was lying on her back, under him, right where he needed her.
“Is it safe, do you think?” he asked, his lips hot against hers. He wanted her more than his next breath, but was he not beingtoo hasty? Esyllt had just suffered a scare, and he had seen the blood on her hand earlier. Perhaps she needed time before she welcomed him inside her body. “If you preferred to?—”
