Page 58 of A Husband for Esyllt
Against all odds, she had fallen deeply, irremediably in love with the husband who had been forced upon her.
Without him she was irritable, and her days had no purpose. She spent her time waiting for something to happen, for the excitement only Connor could provide. Every day she woke up full of hope before crumbling slowly when it became clear that today would not be the day she would be reunited with him. It had been the same as when he had left the first time, only a hundred times worse, for she hadn’t been in love with him then.
As days had become weeks, then months, she felt had the weight of his absence more and more keenly and the guilt of her betrayal had threatened to crush her.
Although she’d had her reasons for handing him over to Gruffydd, there was no denying that she had woefully betrayed him. Worse, she had done so the day after they had spent their first night of passion together.
How perfect Connor had been with her that night! First, sharing his grief, then reassuring her when she had exposed her innermost secret, and finally so passionate, so loving when he had made love to her. Far from being appalled at the strength of her desire, he had assured her it was normal, he had stroked her as if she’d been the most precious creature in the world.
He had made her body explode and her uncertainties vanish. She wasn't a wanton, there was nothing wrong with her, there was no shame in desiring her husband.
How could she not love a man like this, who made her feel safe and cherished?
But... What now? Would she have to spend the rest of her life away from him? Would they become estranged? Was he even now working to have their marriage annulled? Did he still want her? Was he courting someone else? There were so many questions torturing her by day, and such a burning desire keeping her awake at night that she could not have waited another moment before setting off on the long road to Sheridan Manor.
There was only one way to put an end to all the uncertainties, the doubts.
Go and confront him, have it all out in the open, try and win him back, because she couldn’t live without him.
She even missedMatthewfor pity’s sake!
“When are your handsome husband and his dashing brother coming back?” Branwen had asked her one day. Esyllt had asked herself that very question so many times that she had burst into sobs.
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, no, Esyllt, I’m sorry, what have I said?” Her friend was horrified by the sudden outburst.
“It’s not something you said. Only, I have no idea when he will come back or evenifhe will want to!” Crying, she had explained everything to Branwen, who’d listened without passing any comment or judgment.
“You could always go and find him, I suppose,” she’d said eventually.
“Yes...” Esyllt had stared at her. How had the idea not crossed her mind before? It went to show how upset she had been, so upset she couldn’t think straight. “I suppose I could.”
And here she was at last, in Sheridan Manor’s great hall, waiting for her husband to appear. One of the Englishmen who had elected to come live at Castell Esgyrn had led the retinue and indicated the way across Wales and into unknown English territory.
Right now Connor was in the solar with Jane, who’d been beside herself with joy at being reunited with her father. Esyllt had not wanted to intrude on the father and daughter reunion and decided to stay in the great hall.
Finally, after an excruciatingly long wait, he joined her.
“My lady.”
She could barely breathe. The look in his eyes was uncompromising, the voice icy. Evidently, he was not pleased to see her. It was a bad start but she forced herself to calm. At least Matthew was not with him, so they would be able to have the all-important conversation in private.
“Good day, my lord,” she answered slowly.
“What are you doing here? I do not recall requesting your presence.”
“You did not. But we agreed we needed to talk, and I didn’t think it wise to wait much longer.” It had been almost three months.
“If I had been of the same opinion, I would have come to you already.”
Everything inside her withered. Why had she thought that coming here would make any difference? The time apart had done nothing to ease his anger and resentment. Defeated, she lowered her eyes and bit her lip to stop herself from crying. Alone or not, they would not have that conversation right now, not when she felt on the verge of tears.
“After a trying journey, I would be grateful for a rest,” she said, resisting the urge to cradle her belly.
“Of course. I shall have a room readied for you. Will you require anything else?”
“No, I thank you.”
