Page 33 of A Husband for Esyllt
Esyllt did not know what to answer. She bit her bottom lip.
“You disapprove,” Connor said, misinterpreting her reaction.
“No, of course not.” She did not disapprove, but she was unsettled all the same. The notion of the two children sleeping in each other’s arms had brought an image to her mind of her and Connor lying entwined in bed together. It was not an image made to help her keep hold of her composure. “If that’s what they want, I see no reason to deny them.”
“Thank you.” He sounded so sincere, so grateful, that she could not help but wonder why it was so important to him.
“Let me go and see Siân.”
He smiled. “I fear she’s already asleep, exhausted by all the running.”
She smiled back. “I can imagine. But I like to see her settled before I go to bed. I sleep better that way.”
He nodded as if he understood the sentiment and moved to let her through. The door frame was so narrow and Connor so big that she had to brush past him to get in. The contact of his chest against her breasts made her heartbeat go faster and her nipples harden. Without thinking about it, she stopped in front of him. The flame of the candle she held sent shadows over the left side of his face while placing the right into sharp relief, as if to illustrate the fact that her husband was a man of many facets. A fierce knight eating from the palms of seven-year-old children. A warrior and an enemy who had never caused her a moment of alarm, a husband who had not yet bedded her, a fiery lover who was keeping his urges in check, and a man who would be the perfect protector the day he came to trust her.
Right now he was watching her with an enigmatic look on his face. Would she ever understand the workings of his mind? He was tender when she expected him to be angry, whimsical when other men would take offense. Yet he did not lack passion or fire. None of it made sense.
“Will you sleep with me tonight?” She looked at him from under her lashes. “I mean, in my bed. I m-mean?—”
“Do you want me to?” he asked softly, putting an end to her stammering.
“Yes,” she admitted in a low voice. “Even if we had a disagreement earlier in the bailey.”
He ran a hand through his hair in a gesture she hesitated to identify. Then he averted his gaze and she could not fool herself any longer. He was embarrassed. Connor Hunter, Lord Sheridan, the mighty Englishman, was embarrassed. And... Was he about toapologizeto her?
She stilled, waiting.
“It wasn’t really a disagreement, and I’m sorry about my reaction. I was angry but it wasn’t your fault.” He gave a sigh. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It is only natural that you should want to know if the man you married has other children.”
She decided to put him out of his misery. “I swear I was not suggesting... I do not think for a moment that you would be so dishonorable as to abandon any child you might have fathered or that you had imposed yourself on unwilling women, only—” It was her turn to be embarrassed.
And his turn to interrupt her.
“Yes. I know. Please. I’m sorry. Do you think we could just forget the whole thing? I don’t think it reflects too well on either of us.”
Esyllt frowned at the odd comment. It could have sounded like a rebuke if he had not berated himself as well as her. But one thing was clear, children were a touchy subject where he was concerned, she could not ignore it any longer. “Of course. Let us put the whole thing behind us.”
“Thank you. I will be waiting in your bedchamber. Come and find me when you’ve finished with the girls.”
He made it sound so evocative that for a moment she wondered if he would not bed her tonight, like a husband should. The prospect sent her heart aflutter. Was that the real reason she had asked he resumed his sleeping in her bed? Because she wanted him to finally consummate their marriage? It wouldn’t surprise her if she had.
Well, in any case, now was not the time to think about it.
Without a word, she stepped into the room.
The sight meeting her eyes made her heart melt. Jane had her arms around Siân, and her face buried in her hair. Her daughter was holding her tight, and a smile was floating on her lips. It was such a touching picture that Esyllt felt tears well upin her eyes. It seemed that Wales and England could be at peace with one another. There was no question of domination here, just pure love. After blowing a kiss to each of the little girls, she retreated to the staircase.
On the way to her bedchamber, her heart began to beat unbearably fast. What if Connor really was expecting an invitation to do more than sleep? She had banished him from her bed after his return from England and he had respected her wishes when another husband might well have asserted his authority over his wife. It seemed obvious that he was waiting for her to be comfortable with the idea of them becoming intimate before he attempted anything. Whether it was because he did not want to force a woman who had made her opinion clear about bedding him or for a reason she was ignorant of wasn’t clear. Still, she was grateful, all the more so that she knew he was aroused by her proximity and ready to make her his.
You do not live next to a man without noticing certain things about his body.
Only today when he had taken her into his arms, she had felt how hard he was.
She flushed. What would she do if he pressed his advances on her? If he decided that her request that he join her meant that she was finally ready to accept his touch, then he would have no reason to hold back. And she wasn’t sure she would have the will to resist.
In the end, she could have spared herself all the worry because when she entered the room, Connor was already asleep.
Esyllt knew from the disappointment crashing through her that she had indeed been ready to accept his touch and would have welcomed him if he had reached out for her. But it seemed that passive acceptance would not be enough.
