Page 61 of A Husband for Esyllt
A moment later Jane was distracted by the arrival of her favourite greyhound, whom she hadn’t seen in months. While animal and child started to chase after each other in fits of giggles, Connor took Matthew to a corner of the room.
“You know something I don’t,” he immediately accused. After the initial shock, his brother’s face had gone ashen. He never went that color unless something was very wrong.
“Your wife received a letter the day before you were taken, just after Gruffydd met with her. He had come to see her that morning and they argued,” Matthew said slowly. “At the time I thought they had been plotting together but now I see that he was angry because she had told him to go to hell and he did not take it too well. Christ, how could I have guessed, though? I only understood two words of their heated conversation. Lord and Sheridan. I should really start to learn that barbaric language.”
Connor ignored the disparaging comment. “She told me on our wedding day that Gruffydd was the one behind our union, that he had all but forced her into it.”
Matthew nodded. “And now we know why. He wanted a way to get to you. I think that after months of pressure, she may have agreed to give it to him.” Though Connor threw him a warning look, he carried on. “But she changed her mind a few weeks into your marriage and decided not to play into Gruffydd’s hands after all, and the reason for it is obvious. She has fallen in love with you.”
Hearing such words in his dour brother’s mouth were startling, but Connor did not even think of teasing him. “I knowshe has. She told me so in Welsh that day, thinking I would not understand what she’d said. Fuck, Matthew, this is a disaster!”
He started to pace around the room, feeling like a prize fool.
Now he knew why Esyllt had not wanted him to go to her bed that night, why she had been so pale that day, why she had been unable to stop herself from telling him what she felt before he was taken. Obeying Gruffydd’s orders to open that postern gate had been the only way to get her daughter back, but it had killed her to do so. She would have died a thousand deaths knowing she was betraying him and very possibly sending him to his death, but she’d had no choice.
And he had abandoned her without even listening to her explanations!
“She was the one who told me where to find you,” Matthew said, his voice low. “As soon as Siân had been restored to her care, I imagine, she came to ask for my help, revealing the hide out where Gruffydd had taken you. It would have taken me days to find the place without her help.”
Connor froze, then very deliberately strode over to his brother. He only stopped when their foreheads were almost touching.
“And you never thought to tell me this before?” he asked in a low hiss. In all the weeks they had spent at Sheridan Manor, Matthew had let him think Esyllt had betrayed him, he had not thought of informing her of what she had done to help?
For the first time in his life, his brother had taken a decision he could not support, and the anguish he felt did not help him keep a cool head. With a curse, he sent his empty cup of ale crashing against the wall.
Matthew did not flinch, but he lowered his eyes.
“Forgive me. I did what I thought right, what was needed to protect you, because even if your wife loves you, she can still be a danger to you. People will use her to get to you.”
“Let them try!” Connor roared. “I care not! I would rather face a dozen Gruffydds than let anyone harm her child, touch a single hair on her head, or make her lose the baby she is carrying!” He was a man and a knight, he could defend himself. He had known what he was getting himself into when he had agreed to marry a Welsh woman, but Esyllt had not asked to be used thus, should not have been placed in that impossible situation.
She had been forced to marry a stranger and then to betray him when, against all odds, she’d fallen in love with him, all the while knowing he might never forgive her even if he survived the ordeal. It would have been agony.
And now she might be losing their child because he had refused to listen to her.
“Dear God, Matthew, can’t you see? I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her.”
“So it’s like that, is it? You love her too?” For the first time Matthew sounded unsure of having taken the right decision. “Then I’m sorry. Whatever I thought, I should have talked to you.”
Connor’s anger deflated. He could not blame Matthew, who had always been loyal, for wanting to protect him and doing what he thought was best. Besides, he was right in his reasoning. Loyal or not, Esyllt could be used to get to him. Matthew would be thinking in strategic terms, like a warrior, not a husband, he would only see her as a liability. He was not married and in love, so he had no idea how it felt. It made sense that he would not place anyone above his love for the brother he had grown with.
Butheowed his loyalty to Esyllt. Not just because she was his wife, but because she was the woman he loved.
“Yes, I do love her. I have for a while now. And now through my fault...” He shook his head in despair. “How will I everforgive myself if she’s hurt? How will I bear to lose another child?”
“It is I who will never forgive myself,” Matthew said slowly. “You have done nothing wrong, I’m the one at fault here, the burden will be mine to bear. Listen, I?—”
Mistress Annie walked into the room, cutting his declaration short. Connor’s heart went to his throat. What was she about to announce?
“Jane, come here, sweetheart.” Matthew immediately went over to the little girl and led her toward the courtyard. “We have a new foal you will want to see, born just after you left. Take Arnold with you,” he added, nodding at the dog. “The two of them are great friends, you know.”
Connor threw him a grateful glance. As usual, his brother was doing exactly what was needed.
As soon as they were alone, he turned to face Mistress Annie. “What news?”
“My lord, your lady wife requests your presence in the bedchamber.”
Requesting. So she was alive, she was conscious, she was not refusing to ever see him again. Life flowed back in his veins.
