Page 45 of Heart of Stone
“Okay. I’m going to use the bathroom quickly, and I’ll come out to help with drinks and utensils.”
“Sounds good.”
By the time I’d seen to my needs and returned to the kitchen, the delightful aroma of breakfast had filled the air. I watched as Natalia worked, her body moving with much more ease than it had in days. It was a relief to see that she really was on the mend.
When we finally sat down to eat, I was still watching her with such a close eye that Natalia asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
I blinked away the thoughts that had been running through my mind. “I’m just wondering what I can do to convince you to take one more day off from work.”
She shot me a look of surprise. “You’re the boss, and you’re suggesting I avoid going into work today.”
I nodded. “Yes. I think you deserve to take a little more time to heal.”
“I’m alright, Reid. If I thought I wouldn’t be able to do my job properly, I wouldn’t go in.”
Was it weird that I was struggling with this more than she was? “You’re so calm and put together after enduring something so horrific.”
Her eyes dropped to her plate, and she pushed her food around absentmindedly as she considered my words. Eventually, she lifted her chin to look at me again. “I endured a lot at the hands of my ex during the time that we were together. And when I finally worked up the courage to leave, I gave him far more headspace than he ever deserved. He took up too much space in my mind and my heart, and he didn’t deserve a placethere at all. I don’t want you to think that I’m not impacted by what happened. Obviously, I am. It hurts, and it’s scary, and I’m devastated that it happened again after all these years. But I’m here. I’m here, and my body is healing, and I know that my mind won’t be far behind as the days go by. I’ve learned my lesson, and I know not to leave here alone.”
“That’s just it, Natalia.” I wiped my fingers on my napkin. “There was no lesson for you to have to learn. I know you love it here, but you shouldn’t feel like a prisoner here, because you had valid reason to fear him out there.”
She shrugged. “It’s the way it is. Being here is no hardship for me.”
“I know you feel that way. Trust me, I do. But you deserve more than that.”
Natalia’s features softened, her shoulders dropping. “Maybe. But I’m okay with this, too. And I don’t think I need to take another day off from work.”
“What about half of a day?”
Soft laughter spilled out of her. “Why would I do that? It’s Thanksgiving week. This is the start of one of my favorite times here at the retreat.”
She didn’t do anything to make things easy for me. Because no matter how much I believed she should’ve taken the time off, there wasn’t anything I could think of that I wouldn’t do to make her happy.
“I was thinking I could take the morning to talk to you about something,” I shared. “I intended to give this to you on Friday when I came here, but obviously, circumstances put it on the back burner.”
“What do you want to talk to me about?”
I took a deep swallow. “I think you deserve to know why I lashed out at you the way I did on Wednesday. I’m not looking to make excuses for treating you the way I did. There’s no excuse,and I’m truly sorry for it. But I think you’ve earned the right to understand where my moodiness these first few weeks here stems from.”
In an instant, she perked up. Evidently, Natalia was intrigued. “Okay, Reid, you’ve convinced me. I’ll go in to work later this afternoon.”
Smiling appreciatively at her, I said, “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I’d convinced myself I was ready to share this information with her, and deep down, I truly believed she deserved to hear it. But it wasn’t something I’d ever really talked to anyone about, so I took me a moment to work up the guts to just come out with it. Natalia, to her credit, seemed to understand I was having a tough time, so she waited patiently and continued to eat her breakfast.
I just needed to do it. Like ripping off an old bandage.
“This place never meant to me what it means to you,” I began, noting the way her eyes lit with curiosity. “In fact, I might go so far as to say that I despised this place for as long as I can remember.”
Confusion mixed with surprise. “Why? How is that possible?”
Was I wrong for telling her this? My father had been such an integral part of her healing journey. I didn’t want to taint that for her.
“As a kid, and then a teen, Sandstone Heart was really only ever a place that I saw my father constantly escaping to,” I shared. “He was here all the time, rarely ever home. And I hated that. I hated that his way of spending time with me was dragging me here to do things I didn’t want to do while he worked. In the rare instance that he did stop working long enough to spend time with me, we had to fish. Ihatefishing. I would’ve preferred spending time with my friends, hanging out at home with mymom, or doing just about any other thing imaginable instead of being here. No matter how many times I told him, he didn’t get it. He refused to see it. All he cared about was this retreat.”
In a move I hadn’t anticipated, Natalia reached her hand out to cover my arm. “I’m so sorry, Reid. I had no idea.”
