Page 43 of Heart of Stone
No matter that I could see Natalia had improved tremendously since I first showed up on her doorstep days ago, I was still having such a difficult time.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Guilt was eating at me, and it was only by some miracle that I’d held myself together over the last couple of days.
Maybe it was simply the overwhelming need to be someone Natalia could count on that kept me where I was, that wouldn’t allow me to leave her alone despite her insistence.
I still inwardly winced and felt something twist in my gut every time I recalled what she’d shared during breakfast. The horrible circumstances she’d endured following the death of her parents, everything she’d been through since she was just a teenager, the fight to save herself, and all that the retreat meant to her.
My dad.
God, my dad had been the reason Natalia was here, safe and alive.
For as tumultuous as our relationship was, part of me felt like I owed my father a debt of gratitude for what he’d done for Natalia.
How this woman had the ability to be as pleasant and charming and wonderful as she was after all that she’d endured was a mystery. And I hated to think that I’d believed, for even one second, that she was anything but incredible.
I hadn’t suffered even a fraction of what Natalia had been through, and simply listening to the story of her life had been difficult for me. Even now on Monday morning—days after showing up and seeing what had been done to her at the hands of her ex and nearly twenty-four hours after getting more of her story from her—I was still trying to come to grips with it all.
There had been so much that left me feeling anger, sadness, frustration, and fury on her behalf, and contending with the very real emotions was challenging. But I had no choice, because for more than a day, Natalia had needed my help.
She’d been so exhausted, so disoriented, from the moment she’d fallen asleep on Friday afternoon until she woke on Sunday morning. And while she spent most of that time resting—those moments being the only ones that allowed me to deal with my own emotions over what happened to her—there were those few instances when she’d woken for long enough to eat something small and take in some fluids. It was in those moments of vulnerability for her that something changed for me.
Granted, I was convinced something had changed prior to that, considering I wound up at her doorstep, hoping to apologize. But when all of Natalia’s defenses were down and she simply needed someone to look out for her, I took on the job with pride.
It was such a strange feeling, something I’d never experienced before. Sure, I’d had girlfriends over the years, and I didn’t think I’d ever been a bad boyfriend. But I’d never felt the urge to protect and care for them the way I had with Natalia.
I kept telling myself it was because she’d been hurt so badly, but deep down, I couldn’t ignore the truth. It was something else, something much more meaningful that was happening.
Especially when everything changed again for me when she shared all that she had after breakfast. I swore I could feel my own heart breaking as she told me all the reasons that she was so talkative. I hadn’t been able to get those words out of my head ever since.
And I’d never, not in my whole life, witnessed anyone break down the way Natalia had. Of course, nobody else had ever told me such a sad story before, either.
Everything that I witnessed from her from the first day I met her all made sense now.
Natalia was so lonely and desperate for connection.
Even if I could have somehow reassured myself that she was physically safe from harm now, I didn’t think I’d be able to leave her alone ever again.
This gorgeous woman went out of her way to be so kind to everyone, because she was searching for that connection, that bond, with anyone. In doing so, she’d wound up suffering at the hands of a monster.
I didn’t care what it took; I was going to give it to her. And for some reason, it felt as though I hadn’t even needed to think to make the decision. It was just the way it was going to be. Whether that was born of some primal instinct to protect her, I didn’t know. Quite frankly, it didn’t matter.
I was here, and I didn’t intend to leave.
Maybe that was the reason I had insisted on staying with her last night, too.
Following what had to be the longest movie marathon I’d ever participated in, Natalia had turned her exhausted expression my way. She’d been at the opposite end of the couch with a pillow propped on the arm of it. “Tired?”
Rolling onto her back—I noted the way she still winced with pain when she moved—she nodded. “Somehow, despite doing almost nothing all day, I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
My lips curved into a smile, my fingers pressing into my thighs as I fought the urge to touch her. “Your body is still healing. Don’t fight to stay awake now. Give yourself the time to rest.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” She eased herself up. “Thank you for being willing to spend another day here with me today. I know it might have been boring for you, but it was wonderful not to have to spend the day alone.”
A lock of her hair had fallen forward, and it was everything I could do not to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. “I didn’t think today was boring at all. I had a great time.”
She smiled. “Oh, I bet.”
“I’m serious. This was nice.”
