Page 258 of The Ascended
"I find it funny that we're discussing the end of the world," I said finally, "when I can barely look at this desk without remembering..."
His expression softened. "I know."
"Everything's so complicated now." I looked away, unable to hold his gaze.
"Thais..." The way he said my name held a weight I couldn't decipher.
"No, let me finish." I took a breath, forcing myself to meet his eyes. "We've both kept secrets. We've both had our reasons. But now, with everything that's happening—the domain breaking, the forging tomorrow—I don't want to leave things unsaid between us."
He studied me for a long moment, the hostility fading from his expression. "Do you think you could forgive me?" The words came unexpectedly as he ran a hand down his face. "I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if you can’t."
I looked into his eyes. My heart—the wretched thing—it needed the same. I needed for things to be right with us again, or at least as right as they could be.
"Only if you forgive me too," I whispered.
"For what it's worth, hurting you is the worst thing I've ever done," he murmured. "I don't plan on repeating it. Ever."
"And I wasn't thinking—wasn't thinking about what it would do to you if our plan went sideways."
"It would have ruined me. I need you to know that."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, starling."
We fell into a shallow silence.
“I’ve dreaded this. I hate this is how we’re spending our last night.” He seemed to look past me. “Even as I knew it was approaching, I hoped it would never come.”
“That doesn’t sound so practical,” I observed.
“The thought of you losing you…” He trailed off. “I don’t know if I can bear it. Not truly.”
Our eyes met, and I saw a fire burning within them. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. What did he expect me to say? Of course this was hard. Everything remained unresolved between us. There was no clean break, only jagged edges. His words were painful and unfair, yet everything I wanted to hear.
“Don’t say things like that,” I whispered. “It makes things somuch more difficult for me. I need you to accept it, Xül. And stop playing this game with me.”
His eyes narrowed. “So you think you could be done?” he asked. “Just like that?”
“We both have to be. You know this.”
In one fluid motion, he turned, backing me against the cool stone wall. His hands came up to frame my face, fingers sliding into my hair, thumbs brushing my cheekbones with a tenderness. Every fiber of my being was screaming for me to pull away.
"What if I call it all off?" he whispered, eyes searching mine desperately. "What if I refuse to marry her?"
The question hung between us, impossible and electric. I stared at him, unable to find words, my heart thundering against my ribs.
"You can’t just change your mind now." I pushed against him.
"Tell me it wouldn't matter to you," he demanded, his eyes blazing. “If you tell me to walk away, I will. But not until I hear you say it.”
"No!" I shouted, but my voice cracked. "It has to be you. You’re the one who has to choose to walk away. So do it."
He pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. "Then tell me to fight for this. For us."
"You know I can’t," I said, but the words hurt as they fell out. "It will ruin everything. That’s what you’ve been saying the whole time. You can’t just change your mind like this. Not now. Your father won’t allow it."
"My father be damned," he growled. "All of them be damned."
