Page 199 of The Ascended
"That's what I thought," I whispered, turning to go.
His hand shot out, catching my wrist. He rose to his feet in one fluid movement, suddenly looming over me, his eyes blazing.
"You have no idea what you're talking about," he said, each word precise, controlled. "I don't feel shame about anything. I was worried."
I stared at him, trying to read the truth in his eyes.
"Worried," I repeated, the word flat.
"I nearly watched you die because of something pretending to be me," he said, his grip on my wrist tightening. "Do you have any idea what that was like? Watching you seconds away from death, believing it was me who put you there?"
I was stunned into silence, my mind struggling to process his words.
"But I didn't," I said finally. "You saved me."
"You didn’t give me much of a choice." His voice was clipped.
“Because I almost slept with an illusion of you?” I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, Thais. I did this. I put you in danger.," he continued, his grip on my wrist tightening. "All of this is my fault. If I hadn't done all these things—flirted, kissed you—you wouldn't feel this desire for me."
“It is absolutely your fault—” I started to agree, but he cut me off.
"When I watched you, Thais, I so badly wished it was me." The words seemed torn from him, a confession that cost him dearly. "And then I hated that I wished it was me."
He stared down at me, conflict raging in his eyes.
“Why?”
His eyes darkened. "Why isn’t relevant."
"Of course," I snapped. "Everything about you is irrelevant, isn't it? Your thoughts, your feelings—if you even have any."
"And what would you have me say?" he demanded, a sudden heat in his voice. "That I've noticed your body? That I'm not blind tothe way you move, the way you look at me? What good would that do either of us?"
The admission, sparse as it was, sent a jolt through me. "At least it would be honest," I challenged.
"Honesty," he scoffed. "Would that make it easier for you, somehow?"
“I don’t know, but I still want it.”
He laughed, a harsh sound. "Fine. I kissed you on that beach because I wanted to. Is that what you want to hear?"
I wasn’t ready for how his words hit me—sharp, real, and warm all at once. "Yes," I whispered. "That's a start."
For a moment, we stood frozen, the confession hanging in the air between us. Then, driven by impulse and the reckless courage his words had sparked, I pressed my lips to his.
He went rigid beneath my touch, his breath catching. Then he tore himself away, putting distance between us with such speed it left me reeling.
"Damn it, Thais," he said, his voice hoarse as he turned. "This can't happen."
Xül stood with his back to me, hands braced against the window that overlooked the black sea. His shoulders were rigid beneath his shirt. I could see the tension radiating from every line of his body.
"You need to leave, Thais. Now." His voice was low.
"No."
Now he did turn, and the look on his face sent a thrill of danger through me. His eyes were wild, almost feral.
